Status Updates posted by taco_lover
Could someone reach out to me in DMs? Something came up, and now I'm afraid I might have surpressed some CSA.
I want to tell my boyfriend about the assault/abuse, but I don't know if I should, and also not how I would do it.
Could someone who has experience or advice on this message me?
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I do hope telling him would be positive! But I think I might wait a little more - at least until I'm in a safer environment. Once I can actually deal with it, I think it will be easier to tell him? I don't know, but I think right now it would be too much for me, if he knew.
It just feels like I go from wanting him to know to wanting to tell no-one ever again in the matter of days, or even minutes.
Thank you for reaching out and for sitting with me, Cap. I appreciate it greatly.
No problem!!! I do think that you bring up another good and valid point - telling/sharing is ALWAYS best when you're in a safe place, mentally, physically and emotionally. If you're lacking in any of these areas, it's probably in your best interests to wait to tell him. I agree with you there. Good for you for putting yourself first!!! That's spot-on, and exactly what we should all do. We must not jump into anything that we might not be ready for, so I'm glad you've recognized that not being ready may be a possibility. There's nothing wrong with that. In building up to telling him. perhaps you COULD let him know that you'd like to share some things with him someday, and perhaps this will help you to gauge a little bit how receptive he might be to some of the harder things - or even to prepare him for some of it? Just my two cents...but I think you're already on the right track. - Cap
I appreciate your two cents! Thank you!
I'm not really in a safe place right now - in none of these aspects. I'm not in imminent danger, but I'm also not safe. I'm going to be moving though, with one of my best friends. I'm confident living with her will help me be in a much safer/more stable place.
And I'm trying to put myself first with this! Thank you for encouraging me!Quote
perhaps you COULD let him know that you'd like to share some things with him someday
I was actually thinking about telling him something like that. He knows that I have panic attacks (he's helped me through a few, and he did a good job!), so I could tell him the reason for those without going into detail.
I think I'm going to just, let the thought sit in my mind for a day or two, see how I feel about it. Taking it step by step.
It's hard to feel okay today. I don't know. Everything just hurts.
I feel like a ghost pretending to be a person.
Does anyone else struggle with the thought that this happened to you, that this will always be something that happened to you? Or does anyone know if you ever stop feeling like this?
I know I'm at the beginning of the journey, so maybe I will stop feeling like this further down the road. But right now, it feels like I will never stop being a victim. Even if I move away. Even if I start over, the memories will haunt me. It feels like all of this will always be a thing that happened to me.
I will have to deal with the fall out of what he did for maybe for the rest of my life, and it's just. I feel like I'm suffocating on the anger.
Hey @taco_lover I struggle with these thoughts too. I do know there have been times where it has not been in the forefront of my mind during the day. It is always kinda sad when I realize its back. Now I try to appreciate that calmer part of the storm more than the its back part because it always knocks me down. Sometimes feeling the anger was better to me than feeling the pain left behind.
Sitting with you
@tuliptorn I'm sorry you also struggle with these thoughts. But I think trying to appreciate the times without the pain and the anger is good advice... I'll try to do that!
I hope the thoughts will get less and less the more time passes!
Thank you for answering and sitting with me, I appreciate it.