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About AnnikaR

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  1. @samantha2009 I really feel that with myself too, that the picture just starts to really come together... I hate that you're feeling so much self-hatred. One thing I feel pretty certain on is that your experiences absolutely would have shaped that for you, not just you having negative thoughts or doing something to cause it. They come from somewhere, even if we don't fully understand all the many sources, including what happened in high school, that have probably had a cumulative effect over your life. It's a brutal thing to work through. I know for me, when I make progress in seeing myself in a better way, this other part of me just kicks in hard core and beats the shit out of me. Like how stupid I must have been to think I was okay. How I keep screwing everything up. Makes progress hard 😅. But I'm learning that that terrible part of me is part of that picture that's coming together... It's not our fault. We didn't choose this. We were not born this way, and we are not faulty. 💜
  2. @samantha2009 Honestly, I feel like the more stuff that comes up, the more relevant everything becomes. It’s like a tapestry, and the more threads there are, the more complex the overall picture is, and the more there is to see and unravel and untangle. None of this is simple! I get where you’re coming from though, where I just see everyone else differently than I see myself. Or, I assume that’s where you’re at, because you give me and others here so much validation but seem to struggle to give it to yourself 😔. All of it matters, and I’m sure I am not the only person on here who appreciates your willingness to share your experiences with us. Thank you for your bravery and trust.
  3. @samantha2009 Read this after reading your response to me in the Share Your Story forum. I thought it interesting that you brought up journaling. I have a journal dedicated almost entirely to my abusive marriage (which I had to keep very hidden). I started it 5 months before my separation. It’s 245 pages long. And it doesn’t encompass more than a fraction of the abuse prior to that 5 month mark. If you’re stupid or pathetic for having so much to externally process, then so am I. I think we’re not. 💜 I’m so glad you have found places to be able to do this processing. Thank you for trusting and honoring us with these very vulnerable things.
  4. Thank you @MeBeMary @samantha2009 @8888 @Poppy_ @missfrier @Mave and @Struggling88 for your kind words of welcome. I definitely feel out of my element joining this group and have experienced so much invalidation about my experiences since they haven’t been as overt, so in some ways I feel like I don’t belong, but I continue to be met with so much warmth and validation. I’m looking forward to getting to know people better on here. 💜
  5. Got this one in the right place, I think 😅. Thanks again!
  6. Hello, thanks for having me. I'm completely new to the whole forum thing, so I'm figuring out how to navigate everything, and appreciate your patience when I might misstep. I'm a counselor-in-training and am finding this huge disconnect between the messages I would give to clients with situations similar to mine and the messages I give myself for those situations. I'm realizing that I have a lot of my own work still to do. I thought I had done quite a bit already, but then life happens and I'm starting to really realize that the way I interact with the world may be through a lens shaped by my earlier experiences. There are problems I didn't even realize were there. So I'm looking forward to having a space here where I can maybe process some of that. It's hard to find a place to talk about these things without fearing making others uncomfortable or fearing judgment. So thanks for everyone being on here and the wonderfully supportive messages I have browsed and seen so far.
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