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sisyphus

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About sisyphus

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    Becoming Strong. The rock hasn't rolled back and crushed me yet.

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    Female

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  • MembershipType
    Survivor

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  1. Day 2 on low dose naltrexone. No flashbacks. I feel a strange emptiness where I've been constantly shaking for the last five years. I find myself wondering what I want to start doing with my time, if I'm not having constant panic attacks. 

    Is it real? I have a home, and I am loved. After figuring out who my friends aren't, I feel really good about who my friends are. I have an attorney, and any more attacks and restraining order violations will be supported. I have a good therapist. I think I just found the right medication. 

    My brain forgot how to hope a long time ago. It hurts to feel my sense of hope coming back. It hurts as the blocks to human connection & love are coming down, even just a little. 

    I refuse to rush my healing, because I can't. 

    1. mini.finch

      mini.finch

      Wow, that med sounds great! But it makes absolute sense that you would be conflicted about it. The flashbacks and panic attacks became the norm, so without them, it must be hard to handle things. Those negative emotions became a part of you in a way. And I'm sorry that they did. You didn't deserve that. 

      I'm glad that positive things are coming your way. But yes, definitely do not rush your healing. Try to be optimistic while also being cautious. There will be pain, but I think down the line, it will be worth it. I wish you all the best. Sending you tons of support. ❤️ 

    2. sisyphus

      sisyphus

      thank you so much! This medication is really helping. It doesn't block emotions, but it does does take that unbearable edge off. It also prevents dissociation, and suddenly being in my body all the time and feeling connection and remembering me before this trauma, and still having the situation & circumstances to process but without panic - it's just very strange. 

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