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SilentAudacity

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Everything posted by SilentAudacity

  1. Feeling heavy; a dull aching between two ears. Brow furrowed deep behind tired eyes, a numbness in rational thinking. Mental narrative develops slowly; thumbs even thicker. His words hit my forehead like rocks. My hands tense, then I feel a fury of fire ignite in my belly and rise to my chest. Eyes bloodshot in an effort contain the vile screams dying to escape. 
     

  2. " And you can see my heart, beating,
    You can see it through my chest
    I'm terrified but I'm not leaving, no
    I know that I must pass this test
    So just pull the trigger "

  3. Observing this shift into less-dom; 
    making decisions that are less dumb. 
    This cloud isn’t as dark, but its depth makes up duration, and then some. 

    Its all or nothing this time, if I’ll ever break free.

    This burden I was forgiving, and until now I was willing. You placed me beneath you, and I let you keep me. 
     

  4. From a book I am reading. It is said that our lives reflect our willingness; our willingness to stay at a dead end job we hate, our willingness to stay in a relationship that makes us feel like shit, our willingness to tolerate people walking over us. What we are willing to tolerate, becomes our reality. Change only comes when our willingness for something different exceeds our willingness to stay put. Are you willing to walk away from that job you hate? Are you willing to end a relationship that doesn’t serve you? Are you willing to continue living in a way that does not support your dreams & aspirations? 
     

    I tolerated being treated like shit in my relationship, thus I was WILLING to overlook many things.

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  5. eventually, I got tired of getting burned.

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  6. its a mind fuck.

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  7. Unconditional. 

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    1. Capulet

      Capulet

      What a beautiful portrait of unconditional love! ❤️ 

    2. SilentAudacity

      SilentAudacity

      Thank you @Capulet! That’s my fur-baby, Juno 😻 3 yr old, recused from the outdoors when she was 8wks & no mama taking care of her. 

  8. On, The Wise Mind.

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  9. A lot on my heart. A lot on my mind. Not sure where to start, I’ll give it some time. Out of the darkness, into the light. This isn’t my first time, joining the fight. 

     

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  10. {I, I keep a record of the wreckage of my life
    I gotta recognize the weapon in my mind}

    "Come on, little lady, give us a smile"
    No, I ain't got nothin' to smile about
    I got no one to smile for, I waited a while for
    A moment to say I don't owe you a goddamn thing

    'Cause kindness is weakness, or worse, you're complacent
    I could play nice or I could be a bully
    I'm tired and angry, but somebody should be

    Someone like me can be a real nightmare, completely aware
    But I'd rather be a real nightmare, than die unaware

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    1. Mave

      Mave

      Powerful. Thank you for sharing.

  11. Working on slowing down enough to acknowledge my own needs. 

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    1. Mave

      Mave

      Cute graphic! And you got this.

    2. SilentAudacity
    3. Mave

      Mave

      You’re welcome, @SilentAudacity!

  12. bday in a couple of weeks, subsequently the anniversary of r & I’ve always made it a point to be around people. This year, not on great terms with family, very depressed, best friends cant come & I dont care to be around anyone else. feeling really blue. 😞

    1. snmls

      snmls

      I'm sorry that you have been feeling down. Anniversaries are always tough.  It's unfortunate that your friends won't be around to do something.  Try to do something nice for yourself that day.  Treat yourself to some self care.  

    2. SilentAudacity

      SilentAudacity

      Thanks @snmls. The only thing I have planned is to get some extra sleep that day/ wknd. Usually when im feeling down, I sleep a lot, it seems to be the only thing that can reset me. 

  13. Hi @snmls! Thank you for the warm welcome! I always find that there is more room out, than in, so I try to be very transparent about what Im feeling/ going through & unfortunately most of the people in my life find that to be “too intense”, so I’ve been internalizing. It feels good to have a space to get it all out, and Im hoping to make some connections with others who understand. Healing isn't linear & I know that beyond a shadow of a doubt, but its still felt discouraging to “need” help again. *this too shall pass* I hope you are doing well, and thanks again!
  14. Hello! I am new here, seeking support/ to connect with others who may be at a similar place in their healing journey. I’ve experienced different forms of abuse, both by people I knew & a stranger. I was diagnosed with PTSD about 7 years ago, which now seems to be evolving into a deep depression. I am newly back in therapy, as Ive recently been struggling to feel supported by family, and have expressed frustrations through self harm. I want to work THRU these things but unfortunately my entire family shuts down as soon as the conversation gets heavy. I feel like I have no one to “fight it out” with me, to let me just get it all out, regardless of how it sounds, and to not be scared off. I thought maybe an online support group is what I need. Heres hoping!
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