When I was 17 years old I was raped. The man was my boyfriend at the time, this is no excuse. Consent is still yours whether you're in a committed relationship or not no means no. In March of 2014 my best friend and I went on a double date for her birthday dinner. During the drive home everyone one was drinking in the car, I first dropped off her and her boy friend, then took my boy friend home and went inside. Once inside we started making out and becoming intimate. At the time I was a virgin, and he knew that. We had several conversations about if I was ready to have sex, or when I was going to be ready. Clothes came off and we were both naked in his bed, when the time for sex finally came, I said no. Honestly I wasn't ready, I wasn't ready to have sex and lose my virginity. I had said no before and he always respected my wishes and didn't press the issue. But that night things were different. He didn't say anything he just began to force himself on me. I kept saying no over and over again, and began to cry begging him to stop saying I didn't want it to happen and I wasn't ready. He took everything from me that night, my fight, my willpower, my self respect, my dignity, and my virginity. I felt broken and alone, I felt as though no one would ever love me again because of what happened to me. I took all of those feelings and bottled them up for the past 5 years. In 2019 I decided it was time to get help and start dealing with my problems and started to grow my foundation of people I trusted enough with this knowledge. This blog will be my story and how I deal with my recovery.