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elaina

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About elaina

  • Birthday 07/17/1999

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  • Gender
    Female
  • Location
    Minnesota, USA

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  • MembershipType
    Survivor

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192 profile views
  1. So I have my very first counseling appointment coming up on Thursday morning and let me tell you, I am very scared for what is about to happen. Getting this appointment has been a roller coaster of emotions, cause they had to put me on a waiting list before I actually got this appointment, and it has been very annoying for me to deal with scheduling it because I have had a very busy month and have literally no time to myself to relax, unless I compromise schoolwork, working, and/or everything else I am juggling. I am starting to think more and more about this appointment and I have felt the nerves kick in. All my fears of why I haven't made an appointment are coming up, like what if I don't like my counselor?, what if my counselor doesn't believe me?, or the worst, what if the counselor knows one of the 2 guys that SA'd me almost 6 years ago??? If anybody has any tips on what I could do, please let me know. I'm already super stressed and anxious about school and work and paying everything back and getting everything done, and I'm trying not to stress out about anything else right now, cause I am having really bad medical issues due to stress/anxiety already.
  2. So I finally decided to stop pushing off making a counseling appointment yesterday. I was going to get the free counseling for students they offer for everyone. Well I called yesterday and they said I would have to wait until the office manager called me today to sort things out, which I found annoying but I could live with. Well this morning before my classes, I saw I had a missed call and voicemail from an unknown number. The message was telling me that they didn't have room for them to take me in for counseling. How can they say this is a free service for all students that everyone can use at anytime and then when I try to make an appointment, they deny me because they have too many people?? They just moved into a new building that they redid for around a million dollars saying that they would be able to help more students by moving, but I don't think they really are helping more students. I think they need to either help everyone or help nobody, because telling students they have to go on a waiting list to try and get help for mental illness isn't a good feeling, and really makes people (at least me, personally) feel like they aren't good enough to even help through their issues.
  3. So today I went to a doctors appointment and told her about my SA and the anxiety I've had in the past year and how it's skyrocketed. I know getting put on meds for it isn't a huge step to some people, but to me it is. I always told myself I would wait until getting out of school (I'm a senior in college this year) to go get any help for it, so even though I've pushed it off too much and I know I've probably caused more damage than good, this is a huge step for me. It won't get rid of all of my problems or anxiety or anything, but I think I'm ready for this step to try and start making myself move on and feel better about everything that goes on in this thing we call life.
  4. elaina

    Why?

    I don't know what to do anymore. My flashbacks are starting to get really bad again, I feel like I'm always anxious and always having to watch out for predators, even if I'm alone in a locked room. I know what I've been through and that it's probably always going to cause issues like this, but why do I have to always feel this way whenever I'm alone. I hate feeling so vulnerable that I can't sleep without having some sort of nightmare. I hate everything about this. I didn't ask to be SA'd, so why do the two guys get to walk away with no consequences whatsoever but I'm forced to suffer for the rest of my life because of it? I just need a break from everything in life right about now.
  5. Hi all! I just need to let some stuff off my chest so I can maybe start to focus a little better and not always seem like such a downer. (I don't know if I seem rude to others but I know I've definitely been a lot sassier and more mouthy within these past few weeks) So life lately has been very hectic, I'm working 30+ hours each week plus 2 online classes which I'm trying to get basically done within the next week or so, so that way I can have at least a few weeks of "relaxing" before my fall semester classes start up again. I know, working 30 hours and having only 2 classes isn't that much, and it shouldn't be stressing me out to the extent it is (minus the weeks, like this week, that I have 2 tests and a paper and what feels like 10 other things to do) but it is and I don't know if it's because I'm trying to get everything done in a short span of time, trying to go without caffeine, because I don't like going to my job, or what it is, but this week (and the past few for other reasons as well as school and work) has been hectic and it's only my Tuesday today I feel bad because I keep kinda lashing out on my boyfriend about things I know he's trying to work on and things I've already talked to him about, and he understands where I'm coming from and hasn't gotten too mad at me yet, at least that he's told me about, but I still feel extremely bad about it. I don't like lashing out at people because I'm stressed, and I know he knows I don't like our current living situation, and it makes it harder because he's gone like half the time in the summer for work, and I know he's trying to understand my side of this, as I am with him, but I just don't know what to do anymore. Part of me keeps thinking "you should break up with him" but I know that's just the voices in my head talking because other than being inconvenienced and pretty lonely for the weeks he's not here this summer, our relationship is pretty healthy. We communicate about literally everything, we both understand we both have mental issues so we try not to take things too personally and try to take things slow, and he knows what I've been through and how it's affecting me and everything, so I don't know why my mind keeps going to that thought literally every time something pretty minor happens. I think that's it for now, if you read till this point, thank you and have a great day/night!
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