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    Pennsylvania, USA

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  1. searchingformore


    Haven't been on here in a couple weeks... figured an update was in order. I was able to take a full time position working as a physical therapy aide in a well known private clinic. I am LOVING the job and all the people I work with. It is nice feeling like i have a place that I fit in. I have been working on doing more things that I enjoy. Exploring cute little cafes and other spots in the city I'm working in has been very rewarding. However, I find that I am still struggling to find a sense of community. Being a lesbian in my area is very difficult. I do not have any gay friends, and I have also been longing for a girlfriend. With the holidays getting into full swing things have gotten difficult in terms of dealing with trauma. Past memories tied to this time of year have been haunting me. I've been doing my best to handle everything, but last week I had a slip up. I relapsed with self harm after starting to dissociate/feel like I wasn't real. I was able to stop again after a couple days, but it was a very draining experience. In response I have been trying to up the healthy coping mechanisms that I use, and it has been going pretty well ever since. Shaking that sense of shame has still been very difficult though, and I have a difficult time finding a support system to rely on. I plan to try to squeeze in an extra visit with my therapist this week, and most importantly I am working on being kinder to myself!!!
  2. Well, I had a feeling this day was going to come. I have been tryiing to complete a rigorous grad school program for some time now. My struggles with trauma have been interfering with my performance in school. This week it caught up with me, and after finding out i failed a course I finally decided to take a medical leave of absence. I won't go back to school until next fall. Weirdly I feel an overwhelming sense of relief. Trying to run on empty dealing with trauma, family issues, and grad school was becoming exhausting. I plan to take this time to go to therapy more often and get my meds fixed. I never took a step back in my life to do something like this. As a part of getting healthy I want to start going to the gym again. I'd like to get a job related to my field. Most importantly, I want to take time to rediscover the little things in life that make me happy. I want to take time to truly feed my soul and do some self discovery. As a part of that, I want to find a sense of community. The area i moved into is quite conservative and I never took the time to try to seek out any LGBT support systems. Branching out and meeting new people is important to me. Despite my initial feelings of disappointment in myself and mini meltdown over finances, I have decided that I need to see this as an opportunity and not a failure. Take it as a blessing in disguise.
  3. I haven't been on here for a while. I have been making progress but things are still incredibly difficult right now. I am swamped with grad school and trying to get a handle on my mental health. I am past the point of feeling numb, but I am only just starting to really feel my emotions again and I am learning how to manage them. My goal right now is to work on discovering things I enjoy. I have been in a pretty big slump and putting all my time and energy into grad school but burning myself out in doing so. Not quite sure what it is I am looking for, but I want to find more things that feed my soul. To start off I did some simple self care things. I took a shower, started in on that mountain of laundry I need to get done, and worked on getting my new room set up. Additionally, I made the decision to get rid of all of my dating apps. It scares me because there isn't really a gay community in my area, but trying to meet girls right now has only been adding to my stress. I want to work on making myself happier before I try to share my life with someone else. Instead of isolating I have been pushing myself to spend more time with friends/out in public places when I'm studying. Small steps so far, but I hope to keep the progress coming. Hopefully using this site as an outlet for my thoughts and feelings will help too, I forgot how good it can feel to type everything out. My biggest challenge right now will be keeping my head up for the two weeks that I can't see my therapist... wish me luck!!
  4. Hey guys I'm new here. I've never used a forum like this before, but I've been trying to find new ways to help myself out through the healing process. I'm hoping to connect with others and find a helpful support system because sharing online is easier than in person. I have some questions though... How do I "join" the female survivors section that requires a password? And is there any LGBT part of this forum? I'm gay and am hoping to connect with other members of the community that have had similar experiences as me.
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