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Newbie Support Team
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Posts posted by WannaMoveOn

  1. 1 hour ago, Celia said:

    Hello.  My name is Celia and I'm 17 years old.  I'm still very much coping with things and figured that I could give this website a shot, as it is better than nothing.  I'd like to meet/support other's that have, sadly, gone through the same things as me.  Nice to meet you all and I hope you're all safe. 

    Hello Celia. I am Wanna ☀️ Welcome to After Silence! 

    This is a safe place to exchange support and share within the amount you feel comfortable with. This platform carries a wide diversity of survivors, where our members have each other's back. I am very sorry for the reasons that brought you here, I wish the best upon your healing and processing. 

    If you would need anything at all, please know that us staff always has doors open. Feel free to browse this web and do not hesitate to ask questions. 

    All best and take care :aswelcomesu:

    - Wanna

  2. 2 hours ago, lonelywolfsoul said:

    I'm Émilia. I'm 17. I don't really know how to introduce myself haha. I just think it might be good for me to talk with people who got through the same shit. Get a little help. I really wanna get better. So I'm here 😁. I hope you are all going well. Have a nice day.

    Hello Émilia. I am Wanna ☀️ 

    I am sorry for your trauma and the reasons for you being here. I hope you know that whatever happened to you, it is not your fault. This platform is a safe place to share and exchange support. After Silence carries a wide diversity of survivors, and our members form a wonderful support system. 

    I wish you welcome. Feel free to browse the site and do not hesitate to ask questions. Us staff always has doors open for you! :youcanheal:

    All best and take care

    - Wanna 

  3. 2 hours ago, Charlie.1 said:

    Hi, I’m new here. I’m currently having counselling to help me to understand what happened to me in the past and I am finding it helpful. I’m hoping to find some support from others who have unfortunately been in similar situations and may have some of the same thoughts, feelings and experiences as me.

    Hello Charlie.1 and welcome to After Silence! 

    You have come to the right place. This is a safe platform carrying a wide diversity of survivors. Our members relate to and support another. You are welcomed to share in the amount you feel comfortable with. 

    I am sorry for the reasons that brought you here. I wish the very best upon your healing. We are happy to have you. :flowers: 

    Take care and all best

    - Wanna ☀️

  4. Hello @Cristina R and welcome to After Silence. I am Wanna ☀️

    I am sorry about your trauma and that people you trusted would hurt you. Regaining the ability to trust can be challenging, but After Silence is here for you! Just know that none of this is your fault. 

    Be patient with yourself. I hope you feel that you have the right help and are receiving the support that you need. This community carries a wide diversity of survivors, and our members form a wonderful community. Feel free to share in the amount you feel comfortable with, this is a safe place to vent.

    I have doors open in case you would have any questions or just want a chat. 

    Stay safe

    - Wanna 


  5. Hello @MyraG

    and welcome to After Silence. :flowers:

    This is the first post I see including pictures of dogs, they look very nice. 

    I am sorry for your trauma and all that comes with it. We discuss plenty of mental health on this platform, PTSD for example. Feel free to be open about that and anything you like, in the amount you feel comfortable with.  

    After Silence invites all kinds of survivors, carrying a wide diversity of them. Our members create a wonderful support system. I am happy you have a long term therapist to open up to. I hope this community will be a comforting addition to your support system. :youcanheal:

    If you have any questions do not hesitate to reach out to me or any staff. Your hobbies sound like lovely crafting. I like to make jewelry myself. 

    Happy you found us! 

    - Wanna ☀️

  6. 9 hours ago, A Long Time Ago said:

    Hi, I'm Time? I guess. (Warning: Sad vibes to follow) Talking about what happened online scares me. I know that it happened, but putting it into words feels like shattering whatever's left of the illusion that I am normal. I guess some part of me still hopes that I'm making it up. We all know I'm not. I just want to be free from this weight on me. Sometimes it feels like what happened is constantly lurking in the back of my mind, waiting for me to slip up so it can destroy me. I've talked to people about it, a lot of people. I know others with the same experiences, so why do I still feel so alone? I have friends that support me through anything, so why do I still feel like I'm drowning? I'm tired. We didn't deserve this. We deserved so much better. These are just my thoughts as I join this group, I hope it's not too sad for an introduction. Also, I'm non-binary. There wasn't an option for that when I joined so I just picked a gender.



    Hello Time, and welcome to After Silence. 

    I first off want to share my sympathies and tell you I am sorry for the reasons that brought you here. We believe your story. 

    The feelings you describe, wishing to have made it up, feeling odd, alone, like the trauma is lurking etc are indeed common among survivors. That does not make it any less serious or traumatic though, so please do not think that your introduction would be too sad or bothering in any way. This is after all a place to vent and share in the amount you feel comfortable with.

    I hope you will find yourself a comforting support system here. Our platform carries a wide diversity of survivors, and our members form a wonderful community. 

    You are right, we deserve better, you deserve better. After Silence is here for you 🌻

    Feel free to browse the site, and know that the staff, including me, always has doors open if you would have any questions. :youcanheal:

    Take care

    - Wanna ☀️


  7. 12 minutes ago, EvilRegal said:

    I am new here, don't know what to say without giving too much info about my identity...I am a young adult, I have a cat, I am a survivor. Coffee, art, travel, chocolate=life.

    Hello EvilRegal, and welcome to After Silence! :flowers:

    I am sorry for the reasons that brought you here. 

    This is a safe place and with understanding and kind members, forming a wonderful community. Our platform carries a wide diversity of survivors, who share, relate and exchange support. Feel free to browse this site. 

    After Silence is here for you. Hope see you around! 

    Take care

    - Wanna ☀️

  8. 22 hours ago, tmac said:

    I am not sure if I am posting correctly. But Hi, I guess I’ll go by T here please. My experiences were about 5 years ago. The worst one still affects me to this day in my relationship of 2 years and in my every day life. Ranging from panic attacks sourced from reoccurring memories or full on mental breakdowns from all of my emotions triggered by the flashbacks to issues with my current s*x life. It greatly affected my social life, my personal relationships, my home life, familial relationships- everything. I never dealt with the trauma because I never knew how to. I was seeing a therapist at the time but I told her nothing about the incidents because I was scared that she might tell my mother because at the time I was a minor and that my mother would get mad at me for it all. I also recently had a conversation with my mom about the president and the allegations against him. I asked her if I told her that someone who was running for office had taken advantage of me, would she believe me or still vote for them and she said that she would need proof from me first. To hear that from my own mother as a survivor was one of the most heartbreaking things she has ever said to me. I am with a therapist now, and I have informed her of my experiences, but she says the only solution is to pretend like my offender is sitting in a chair and “give him a piece of my mind” and to tell him how I feel about him and etc. When I told her that I don’t think that will help me and asked if there was anything else I could do, she basically told me no. Which is just another let down. I am feeling more hopeless than ever. I am stuck with this trauma and have absolutely no idea how to process it, deal with it, or most importantly heal from it. I have come here from a crisis counselor post on reddit. I am searching for something, anything that could help me get through this constant itch in my brain. 

    Hello, I am Wanna. 

    Your story is your story, you own it. This community is an understanding and safe place. Our platform carries a wide diversity of survivors, and our members form a wonderful support system. 

    There are several ways to process trauma, so I encourage you to research and inform yourself about different types of techniques. It is of importance that you feel safe and comfortable as you open up.

    I sympathize with you and  want to welcome you to After Silence. This platform is here for you, and know we are happy to have you. Feel free to reach out to me. 🌻

    Stay safe and all best

    - Wanna ☀️


  9. 8 hours ago, Pepper515 said:

    Hello I am new ish. I originally joined in 2014 but was uncomfortable and afraid to post anything. 

    I am a survivor of R and CSA. My parents never really believed me. I was 6, 13, and 21. I have flashbacks and anxiety. I am recently diagnosed bipolar. I hope to find support in a safe place.


    Welcome to After Silence! 

    I am Wanna :) 

    I hope you will find the comfort and support you are looking for here. I am sorry for your trauma and what comes with it. This platform is here for you :youcanheal:

    - Wanna ☀️

  10. 25 minutes ago, Unsurewhat2do said:

    When I was around 6 my babysitters brother watched me for an afternoon along with his two nieces. I remember it perfectly along with him. It was unusual for us to take naps but he had his nieces go into their room and had me go into his sisters room. He made me nap naked and I “wet the bed” In my sleep. I’m in my mid 30s now and all during my late teens and early 20s I searched for this man. I found him. The older niece has become somewhat of a friend of mine and her mom often sends me pictures from when I was small. I want to confront this man but I fear what will come from the family and also ripping apart the innocent family. I’m not sure what I should do 

    Hello Unsurewhat2do 

    and welcome to After Silence! I am Wanna :flowers:

    This is a safe place to exchange experiences, cope and create a support system. 

    I am sorry for what brought you here, please know that none of it is your fault. You are doing the right thing by speaking up and seeking for support. Confronting this person should only be your choice, but please know that he is the one to take the consequences of his actions, not you. Whatever happens next, After Silence is here for you. This platform invites you to post whatever you would like about your experiences and healing journey. Feel free to browse the site and do not hesitate to ask me or other site mods questions. 

    Take care and once again, welcome! ☀️

  11. 4 hours ago, sunflowersforme said:


    I wanted to say hello and introduce myself - I'm honestly struggling with what to write because I guess I'm not quite sure how to introduce myself! I am a survivor, in many forms, just like all of you. I have been in therapy since I was 19 and am so grateful to still have the same therapist 11 years later. I thought that I was really healing and doing great (killing it in therapy!) until this last November, a new childhood trauma came to surface from memory and to put it lightly, it took over my life. I know now that it revealed itself because my mind and body knew I was ready for it and it was time. It has resulted in my needing to sever ties with a close family member and to maintain strong boundaries so that I can function on a daily basis and try to work through this which has resulted in a loss of support system during a time of big and stressful transitions. I see now that I will be able to feel like I am part of a community here in After Silence and I am grateful to be able to write this message at all. I look forward to sharing my story and to reading others' stories. I have always felt so alone in my struggles and the things I've faced and I hope to find peace and community so that I can continue to heal in hopes that one day, I will be able to help others as well. I am stepping into a huge next chapter in my life right now in other ways and I now see that healing will ultimately be the core of that journey.

    Thank you for being here. I really need this and I am grateful to be a part of it. 

    Hello sunflowersforme 🌻 and welcome to After Silence! :flowers:

    First off, I want to say that I believe your story, sympathize with you and am deeply sorry about your trauma. 

    Having a functional professional help is important, so I am happy you have positive experiences about it. I am also happy to hear that you have decided to share your story and want to take part of others. You are right, our brain often decides to reveal suppressed memories when we actually are ready, even if we might not always feel that way.

    This is a safe place to exchange support and experiences, with very kind and understanding members. After Silence is here for you both for the processing of your past and when facing your upcoming changes. 

    Take care! 

    - Wanna ☀️

  12. 21 hours ago, CAB1997 said:

    Hi all, 

    I hope everyone is keeping well. 

    I've never actually posted in a forum before, despite two experiences happening to me. Weirdly enough, I see one of the times more "severe" than the other - perhaps because it was the first time and the one I seem to recall the most? Probably because it was on my 18th birthday. 

    Recently, I've had the overwhelming feeling to express what has happened to me with other survivors/those who will listen. I've shared the real story of this experience with little others, so this is a big step. I've never truly dealt with what happened as it was only about 2 years ago that I realised what had actually happened (it has now been about 5 years) and, most importantly, that it wasn't my fault/because I was easy/put myself in that situation/etc. 

    I do get flashbacks of what happened, reminding me of the feeling of having no control. It's scary and I do feel alone with it despite having confided early on in my relationship with my boyfriend of almost 4 years. I just want it to all go away and to confront the abuser (he was an acquaintance when it happened). If anyone has any advice they can share, I would be very grateful. 


    Thank you very much.

    Hello CAB1997 and welcome to After Silence! 

    After realizing what happened to you, which is a big step itself, it is normal to have questions about the trauma, why we react the why we do etc. This forum is a safe and anonymous place to exchange experiences, relate and receive support. I hope you will make yourself at home here. This platform carries a wide diversity of survivors, and our members make a wonderful support system. 

    Take care, I am happy you have found us! 🌻

    - Wanna ☀️

  13. 3 hours ago, LakeSunset said:

    I’ve just found this forum after seeking support. My abuse, which I am slowly realizing it was, occurred a long time ago. The #MeToo movement, different tv content and having a teenaged daughter have brought my memories to the forefront. Each time there’s a trigger in my life, I sit with the memories and want to talk about them, but don’t feel I can share with the people in my life. From my generation, abuse was a certain thing, but now it feels more encompassing. Consent is more discussed and a thing...I don’t think it was a thing when I was a teen. 

    Thanks for having me. 
    One place that always gives me solace is visiting the lake near me, especially at sunset. 
    Lake Sunset

    Hello LakeSunset and welcome to After Silence! 🌻

    I am sorry you went on years without realizing your trauma. Your healing is still relevant, no matter the timeline. I agree on society taking on a new perspective towards the meaning of consent. We should be able to talk about it more, but it can be difficult to do with anyone. This platform is however an anonymous, safe and, from my experience, very understanding place.

    We have a wide diversity of survivors on this platform, creating a wonderful support system. 

    You are strong for opening up. We believe you. 


    - Wanna ☀️

  14. 5 hours ago, Calliope said:

    Dear Newbie Support Team members, thank you so much for the warm welcome and encouragement. 

    It feels a little silly to say, but being welcomed and accepted with such compassion and kindness is a rare gift, and I cherish it. Thank you all for giving of yourselves and your time in this way. 

    Not silly at all, I am glad you feel compassion and kindness, and do hope you will continue to do so. Please feel free to explore our platform and it's other forums. Do not hesitate to reach out to the staff if you need anything at all or just want a chat. Have a nice day ☀️ :aswelcomesu:

  15. 11 hours ago, Calliope said:

    Hello all, 

    It seems polite to offer a quick introduction to the members of this forum, so I'm popping in to say hello.

    I'm here to - hopefully - gain a community.  It's been years and years since I've been a part of a forum for survivors. I was 15 when I first joined one, on Livejournal, ha, and though I wasn't nearly ready to deal with the trauma that I had experienced then, I found it to be a place of support and encouragement. It was the only safe space that I had to share my experience with sexual abuse as a child. It was a place where I was told, "I believe you," and "it's not your fault," and "hang in there," and "it's time for you to become a survivor," which were invaluable words to a young neglected kid without a support system.

    Since then I have become an adult, gained and lost a religion, experienced trauma unrelated to sexual abuse, and spent untold hours in therapy and with self-healing books in the hopes of meeting my trauma face-on and using it to help others. Which is why I'm here - to return the favor that I experienced years ago on LJ, and to seek the support of those whose lives have also been impacted by sexual trauma. We are in this together. We are not alone.

    Thank you for letting me be a part of your community. 

    Hello @Calliope 

    Let me second Livejournal. I believe in you, it was not your fault, because every bit is true. I am sorry for what happened to you, and sorry you went on for so long without a steady community. You have a kind, understanding and wide one right here. Your participation is highly welcomed. On this community, members have another's back, so you've come to the right place for mutual support. ☀️

    I hope you will create a safe place here, please know the staff is available for any questions. 

  16. 17 hours ago, Sunflower198 said:


    In the amount of time I’ve had to myself while quarantining, I’ve had a lot of time to reflect on people and things from my past years. Somewhere along this timeline I have understood the reality that I was raped by my former boyfriend of 2 years. It took me till now to acknowledge that throughout our relationship, he had guilted me into performing sexual acts on him through the silent treatment, saying I owed him, etc, which led me to believe that I was doing something wrong and needed to do better. I feel stupid that I let this go on for so long, and this eventually lead to what I thought was us having consensual sex, which I now realize was rape. The entire day, I had exclaimed that I was not ready after agreeing to do so the previous day, and he spent the day telling me I had already said I would so now I had to, and during the act itself, even after I had hesitantly agreed, I was feeling uncomfortable and upset. I cannot believe I have not realized this till almost 3 years later, but I wanted to reach out in this page and see if this is a normal occurrence because currently I feel like an idiot for not realizing. I am not able to talk to my family about this issue for various reasons, so I am really grateful this website exists for people to share their stories and seek help 

    Hello Sunflower198 and welcome to After Silence 🌻

    For starters, you are not stupid, you are not an idiot. You are brave for posting about this. 

    SA and r*pe seldom happens like the stereotypes tell us, and the scenarios are often complex and involving someone you know previously, which can make the situation difficult to understand. Also, it is a coping mechanism to suppress memories. You figuring it out years after is not abnormal, everyone has their own timeline. 

    He had no right to claim your body. I am so sorry for him doing you so wrong. I hope you know that none of this was your fault. 

    Please feel free to reach out to me or any staff you'd feel comfortable with, feel free to check our forums and chat rooms out, and do not hesitate to ask questions. After Silence is here for you! 

    Take care and happy to have you! 

    - Wanna  

  17. Hello @mango_star1 and welcome to After Silence! 

    I am sorry for what you have been through. I am happy we are having you here though, and that you feel comfortable enough to open up here. You have nothing to be embarrassed or ashamed of, and I do hope you know that nothing in this is your fault. Whatever happens next with your re-description and healing, know that this forum can provide you with a wide support system of kind members.

    Hope to keep seeing you coming here. ☀️

    - Wanna   

  18. On 6/26/2020 at 7:30 PM, Sj85 said:

    Hey, thanks for having me. Been reading all the stickies and public posts and you seem like a nice bunch.

    I’m here because of CSA. It wasn’t dealt with very well in my family. I’m mid-30s and been in and out of primary MH interventions and therapy for 15 + years, antidepressants, substances and other unhealthy coping mechanisms, etc. Recently (since lockdown in fact) tried “sober” for the first time ever. Did about 70 days. AA is many things, most of them good, but you can’t take your trauma there. That’s not what it’s for apparently.

    I am just so sick of being a big paranoid emotional, avoidant, socially anxious mess. I hate hate hate myself, smoke more than anyone I have ever met and hadn't been sober for more than a couple of days for my entire adult life. I have always held down a job but it’s HARD. Sure everyone here understands. All my relationships have failed. I’ve isolated myself from friends. Things just keep getting worse as I get older, and I need to sort this out so I can make some kind of normal life for myself (or just survive, but not like this).

    Wrote an intro and deleted most of it but just makes you realise wow there’s just so much to say.

    Anyway, been with my therapist for 3ish years and he's a good one, we have done some good work I guess but I know I still need to “process” all the stuff. I don’t talk about it (even in therapy really, just skirt around it) because it always creates a nasty atmosphere with people. They don't know what to do with the information and I don’t want to make anyone uncomfortable. 

    So, after lots of frustration I thought I'd try and find somewhere like this and talk about it. So hiii, let's see if this helps me get a bit further down this road 😉 This is all a bit grim but just imagine I'm saying it with a smile on my face. It's all good even if it's not really xx

    I'm a nice person I like dad jokes and Fleetwood Mac and love cats (you're never allowed one if you are a private renter, but I'll get there one day).

    Hello @Sj85 and welcome to After Silence! 

    Good thing you've already recognized the members as a "nice bunch", I can assure you this platform makes a wonderful support system. Please join in on the this bunch, and know that After Silence is a safe place to vent, share your story, receive support and exchange experiences. 

    I am sorry for what you've been through. I hope you can find After Silence as a comfort while processing. 

    Welcome :flowers: and I love cats too 🐈


  19. On 6/27/2020 at 6:31 AM, tiffanylynn55 said:

    Lately, I feel like I’m losing it. I feel like I’m slipping down a slope of depression and anxiety that hasn’t been visible for at least ten years.

    When My assault happened, I was 19. I’m realizing now that I never really dealt with what happened to me.  Recently, another woman filed charges against the man who raped me and was put in touch with me by a mutual acquaintance.  I spoke with her for hours, and that helped me deal with this recently resurfaced trauma. But now, it’s all I can think about. To help her convict this man, and to help have the maximum sentence imposed, I’ve offered to help as much as I can. My assault happened during college.  I had him kicked off campus through a “special hearing process.”  My University is unable to send me a physical copy of these records, so I’m traveling to campus to “inspect” them, and I’ve been informed that the state’s attorney in her case will be subpoenaing my university for them.  I can’t stop thinking about the many different emotions and situations associated with this terrible memory.  I’m anxious to view the file and remember details that I have suppressed for 15 years. I don’t know where to go from here.  I’m not the me I was six weeks ago, and I don’t know how to be her anymore. 

    Hello @tiffanylynn55 I really admire you helping this woman, being prepared to put up with the triggers and suppressed memories. I completely understand that you don't feel like yourself, and that the future might seem uncertain right now.

    Just know that whatever happens next, both regarding the investigation and your own coping, you can come and find support here. Our community has a great diversity of survivors, and you can post whatever you'd like to get off your chest. 

    I am sorry for what happened to you when you were 19, and that you went 10 years with suppressing. I am happy though, that we are having you. Welcome to After Silence! ☀️

    - Wanna 

  20. 17 hours ago, iluvac said:

    today i have opened up to my family about my trauma and i feel weird. i felt good after i shared what had happened to me, but now i just feel numb because i've been thinking about it all day. they support me, and i think im ready to start healing. i usually talk to my therapist every week, but she can't talk to me this week because of 4th of july, so i have to wait 2 weeks. i feel like i should finally be happy because i got it off my chest, but im just not sure how to feel. 

    Hello @iluvac

    Welcome to After Silence! 

    I am sorry for what brought you here, but happy you've found us. I'd second @MeBeMary, our members form a wonderful support system. 

    I want to congratulate you on opening up to your family. Even if you are close, opening up might not always be that easy. Good thing you feel support though.

    Feeling numb is a normal reaction when you are overwhelmed, going through a lot etc. Give yourself time, and keep using your words when you feel comfortable to do so. I hope you will come to recognize this platform as a safe place. ☀️

    - Wanna 


  21. On 6/26/2020 at 3:47 AM, Mitchi said:

    I'm new here and want to share but I'm also very afraid. I have told some of my history over the years but there are other things that I've never spoken of. I've read that in order to really start healing, you need to let it out and speak your truth but when I think of sharing these other, secret things, I feel myself shutting down. I also have bpd so struggle with very intense emotions. I am in a much better state of mind than in the past, take medication that helps immensely and do have a strong support system now. I have had a bit of counselling in the past and it's been noticed that I don't look at the person I'm sharing difficult things with. Is that normal? If I can finally manage to tell my stories once, will it become easier?

    Hello Mitchi. 

    I totally understand your feelings about opening up. It is a huge step, but this is a safe place. I am sorry for the reasons that brought you here, but happy we are having you.  

    During my 1.5 years on After Silence, I have neither felt judged, confronted or not believed. This platform has a diversity of survivors, and you can post whatever you like about your healing and struggle. About wondering if not looking at the person you are opening up to... everyone copes in their own way, just give yourself time :) 

    Welcome to After Silence! 🌻

    - Wanna 



  22. 4 hours ago, Kaley said:

    Hello AS, I found this group online after looking for support. And I think this anonymous outlet is perfect. 
    During quarantine I’ve just been feeling more alone and isolated with no one to relate to. I’m a more recent survivor like in February but some other things happened a while back too. Since feb I’ve been taking steps to heal but it’s really hard. I’ve already met with 2 different therapists and I’ve found they help me for a few sessions and then I just can’t continue and I’m not really sure why. Idk I want to heal but sometimes I feel like I can’t. I really just try to forget and push away but I guess I’m on here to work on healing. 
    Also I saw that there are female-only forums. I’d like to be connected to that if possible.

    Hello @Kaley and welcome to After Silence! First of all, I am deeply sorry for what you have been experiencing and the consequences to follow. Your story is your story, you own it and we believe it.

    This is a safe community. I'd second @missfrier, I have also found this platform being particularly non-judgmental. Here you can get advice, open up and receive support from various types of survivors.

    Stay safe and welcome, I hope you find what you need here. You can always contact someone in our staff if you have any questions. 

    All best and hope to talk to you soon, 

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