Single Status Update
i jumped in car and traveled recently. i was powerful enough to pray and breathe throughout but i still was me. but i did it and i think you can do it. replacing my expectations of the journey with the faith and existing in gods grace did decrease the overanalyzing of the journey. i did it. my partner is proud. the journey was an emotional experience and i slept in my car. not the safest but stayed in campground and visited a lady who married my biological or maybenot, grandfather. she has what society considers many attributes, elite iq, compassion, college degree, masters, lives on a hill in the eliteville and has a son she cherishes, or says so anyhow. she has listened to me quote my story, which is mainly in aa's big book aparently. and that's not all my trauma, head, sex, body, mental. lots of damage that most cant see. she let me talk, and still said she cares for me just like the estranged family i was separated from as a child. i don't accept love is why their estranged according to her, and i say they werent willing to accept my illness, diseases, traumas so i disagree with her. I said ive recieved more calls from my sponsor in a few months than my family combined in my life. she said my mother took us from that side, which carries many college degrees and as weird as it sounds, i grew up neglected and poor, couldnt ever get support from family or school or child services to encourage a poor kid in a society that looks to help others in other poor areas, but thats politics right? i still was rewarded with neglect from all. so i grew to resent humans and it comes with a price. so i took a risk and visited one day on the trip with this nonbiological lady, who married my estranged grandfather, who was willing to think about me. I hope today now i'm typing this to let her know today, if i work my program, im ok. still need to see trauma therapist, that's work , but i wanna let her know i care for her and can get out of my illness/ disease. the trip opened my eyes and there is no reward without the risk of finding out what's out there for us. one day forest gump just ran, then he said he thinks hes tired and went home. some us have no safe home like forest and we have to take that OPPORTUNITY to remember god helps us if we can help ourselves realize our dreams. moveon in that direction, you wanna!