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Dakota101916

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Blog Entries posted by Dakota101916

  1. Dakota101916
    I’m feeling lost yet again. The trauma I’ve endured has come to haunt me once more. Not that it ever really goes away, but it gets a little easier once in awhile. I went out bowling the other night with some friends when some guy decided to hit on me multiple times even after ignoring advances. In turn I got really drunk and almost drunkenly confessed my trauma to one of my best guy friends who only knows half of my story. After that I realized I needed I had to have a sober conversation with him about the events that occurred so that the words would come out rationally instead of hysterical rambling. Since then I can’t stop thinking about hurting myself, any physical pain would be worth getting rid of the emotional right. I’m considering following through tonight. What do I have to lose? Nothing will ever hurt more than this. It’s been so long I’ve made great progress when it comes to self harm, it’s been over 2 years. Trying not to give in tonight.
  2. Dakota101916

    Betrayal

    By Dakota101916,

    It’s been awhile since I hopped on here. I found this support group app and it was really helping. Until I got trolled yesterday. A person I was talking to created another profile started talking to me under that one and then threw what I had told the original profile in my face. And honestly after everything I’ve gone through I felt violated. My anxiety hasn’t ceased since this happened last night. It feels like wherever I go people will use my past against me.
  3. Dakota101916

    My Story

    By Dakota101916,

    3 years ago on July 4th was the night my world got turned upside down. My boyfriend was living in South Carolina at the time and he had asked his best friend to look out for me. We went to a 4th of July party and we’re having so much fun. His friend and I left with some other friends and stayed he night at one of our friends houses. I passed out drunk and woke up to my boyfriend at the times best friend having sex with me. I didn’t know what to do so I pretended I was still asleep. I woke up in the morning left and started balling my eyes out. I told my now ex boyfriend what happened. He messaged his best friend after I told him. His best friend told him I wanted it and that it wasn’t his fault. I told my boyfriend he was lying but he told me that he could only forgive me if I admitted my fault. At the time I was weak so after hours of denying it I finally said it was my fault so that he wouldn’t leave me. He “forgave” me yet whenever we would fight he would throw it in my face. Ever since that day I’ve felt so weak for giving in and saying it was my fault that he r*aped me. I don’t know if I’ll ever be able to heal from what he did to me.
  4. Dakota101916

    Crazy

    By Dakota101916,

    You made me crazy. I’ve always been depressed due to my bipolar. But you sent me beyond that. Blacking our while driving. Having such bad panic attacks that I felt I couldn’t breathe. You gave me PTSD. This past November I couldn’t handle it anymore. I almost ended my life. You almost killed me. My fiancé and best friend had to call the cops on me. I was questioned and handcuffed in my own apartment and taken to the hospital in the back of a police car in the middle of the night. I was admitted to the psych ward against my will for a week. I pretended like I was getting better just to get out of that hell hole. I still want to kill myself some days. The only thing keeping me alive is my family, fiancé, and my beautiful 5 year old daughter. I still don’t think it’s fair that I have to continue living with what you did to me. When do I get to feel the relief of death without the guilt of hurting so many people?
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