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About Mirden

  • Birthday 10/05/1995

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  1. Welcome to AS. I'm also new and have found so much help from these amazing people.
  2. Hello and welcome. I'm new too. This has been a huge help and I hope it is for you too.
  3. Since I started my healing I have good days, bad days, and days where I'd rather lock myself away with a blade and go to town on my own legs. Healing started when I told my husband my whole story with nothing left out. First time in my life i let someone in and for him to be angry with my rapist made it so much more for me. The things he's telling me were so milder than my own thoughts of hurting the one who hurt me for years. After I told him it took a few hours for me to realize that I finally did it and when I did it all came pouring back like a movie. My little cracks I made to let him in shattered and I couldn't pick myself off the floor. I broke into a million pieces sobbing uncontrollable and when he found me all he could do was hold me until I stopped. When I finally calmed down the inside of my body was fighting, throwing things, and screaming all while the outside was empty, cold, and silent. Since that night I can't go to sleep with the lights off, the nightmares have slowly started to get better, I still wake up in the middle of sleeping in panic searching for my husband. A few days later I sat down with my dad to ask the questions iv had for years but always to scared to ask. Talking to him helped alot with our relationship because I was told he knew about all of it and like my mother allowed it. He didn't know at all and I'll always remember him saying you never truly know what is going on with the people closest to you and crying. It took me about 15 years after it ended to finally let someone know my pain I live with daily. Thank you for reading.
  4. Thank you. He's been my rock with all of this. I have hid my pain for about 15 years. No one knows what my life has been but him and when I did open up I had to type it out because I'm a selective mute.
  5. Hello I'm new here. So glad I found this. Maybe I can take some of the stress off my husband now. He's the only one who knows everything and he's been a huge help. He'll even sleep with the light on if I need it.
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