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After silence

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Everything posted by After silence

  1. thanks for that wish.. and welcome to this community.. wishing you the best...
  2. So today is my birthday.. Happy birthday to me.. 💔💔
  3. Thanks.. i do appreciate it🤗
  4. It's june already.. my birthday just around the corner.. i don't know what to do.. how to deal with my trauma... i was raped a week after my birthday.. my trauma already come out and haunted my days.. i don't have anyone to talk to.. imsomnia .. depression.. I don't wanna talk to my family.. they don't even believe me.. how will i cope with this situations.... 😭😭😭 Lately i can't sleep.. i feel worthless.. useless.. i hate my self... i can't do this.. Anyways.. i don't have others choice .. i need to struggle.. no one will help me.. only me.. myself.. To everyone that on
  5. Thanks for that.. 😢
  6. Urm.. i don't what to say.. but i guess i need help.. 😢 i need someone... listen to my story.. how hurts i am.. i just can't take it anymore.. i have no one to talk to.. about what happen to me.. 😢😢 Even my family don't believe me.. i don't know who else to believe... i never ask to be rape.. i never ask that... 😢 but no one listen to me... they put blame on me.. I hate myself.. i hate my life.. 😢 i live with trauma and depression.. and it's getting worse.. i do self harm... to getting rid of that feelings... 😢 I don't know what else to do.. i feel like wanna die.. wanna run a
  7. After silence

    Me

    Still crying.. can't get over it.... and i'm trying my best to forget it.. to move on.. Still think about suicide.. how to end it all...how to get rid of this feelings.. But somehow still manage to smile .. laugh... jokes with others.. While at 3 a.m .. 😭😭 I'm all alone.. 😢 and think.... i don't wanna live anymore.. this isn't fair.. why no one get it?? Why people put blame on me?? It's not like i wanna get that things happen to me! Why no one ever considered it.. never ask me how i feel..how i ever survive this depression anxiety all this things... I don't care ho
  8. You need to get over it... Thats what i get when i told my parents about my mental and health issues.. about my trauma and depression.. Thats all.. i need to get over it by myself.. i don't need help.. i'm gonna be fine.. 😊 what's the point i tell them about my problems.. when they don't even care?? Well.. am i really gonna be fine?with this trauma? Depression? And anxiety?
  9. I'm a suicider.. i do self harm.. overdose medicine.. but someone.. tell me that i'm worth than anything.. that i'm important.. people do love me.. he told me that doesn't matter when there's no one loves me... god always there... my parents... and my friends.. if i kill myself.. i'll regret it . I will feel regret my whole life... Coz theres people love me... care aout me.. i just don't see it yet.. i just didn't notice it... So i try to struggle until now.. and try to help others.. even though sometimes.. i feel down... i feel like wanna end all of this... i wanna kill myself.. b
  10. The wall and the mask that i made up… Start to crumbling down.. It start to breaking into pieces… And i'm afraid of it… I'm no longer myself.. i already try the best…. But i know it hard… to be strong again… I started to lose it.. Nightmare? Depression? Trauma? Anxiety.. Bulimia... i can't afford it anymore.. I can't.. Faking my smile.. faking my laugh.. faking everything…why? Why do i need to do this.. why do i need to be someone that i'm not… Why do i need to impress everyone.. They don't even care I wake up 3 am everyday.. i'm crying a lot.. i do self
  11. Somehow.. tonight i feel kinda empty I feel like losing my ownself.. feel like wanna give up wanna end my life..
  12. After silence

    Alone

    I'm all alone... Friends? I dont have it.. actually i have.. a lot of friends.. but they just exist when they need something from me 😂 But i feel happy with my life now.. being alone are good and awesome.. i dont need to think about others.. their feelings.. are they okay or not.. coz they never even care.. about me.. so yeahh.. the hell with it.. 😭😢 actually i do care.. i love all of my friends... but they didnt.. why should i have this kind of feeling.. i hate all of this.. Kinda hating being alone.. but life is bitches.. so yeahh accept it Be strong dearself!
  13. Thanks for that DukeDorito I appreciate that
  14. After silence

    Cut

    Thanks too... I hope you also find it... the permanent fix...🤗 i already make an appointment with my doctor.. but still. I dont feel like wanna go meet her.. i feel ashamed.. and afraid...
  15. After silence

    Nightmare

    Its just another nightmare... i dream about it again.. i can see clearly his face... i can barely feel his touch... its make me sick! How can i survive like this... whenever i see my reflection on mirror... i cant see me.. the real me.. i only see the other part of me.. 😢😢😢😢
  16. After silence

    Cut

    Thanks for that... you too
  17. After silence

    Cut

    Last night... I got depressed.. and cut my hand several times... lucky it doesnt blood so much.. and its not that hurt... I feel relieved and getting better after i cut my hand.. And now.. like nothing bad happen 😊 i'm smiling
  18. Im sorry to know that... i hope that you are okay... 😊 its ok.. you are not alone....
  19. After silence

    Survive

    Its been 2 years.. i still cant forget it. I still live in nightmares.. i'm depress.. i'm struggling.. every day... I still hate my self.. i still cant accept it. The things you have done .. leaves me with scars... i dont like memories... i hate to remember it again.. i hate to shed a tear.. I left today hating what you have done to me.. you dont just took something from me.. you took everything.. every single of me.. Every time i showered.. i cry.. i still can see what you have done.. your hands are imprinted on me... your voice still lingers in my ear.. still pounding in my
  20. After silence

    Trauma

    Trauma? Feels like you want to end your life ??
  21. I'm good at faking smile... 😊 why? Because with that i know i'm getting stronger. I dont need people to keep asking me "are you okay?" No.. because whatever happen i'll never be okay.. I'm done. I'm tired. I just need my space.. my time to be alone.. i just want to be alone. I know i'll neved getting better.. i just keep faking everything . Faking my smile my laugh my appearence.. its bettter than crying out loud but no one listening .. no one ever care.. their just keep saying... "its all your fault" its okay.. i used to live my life like this.. im fine...
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