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Posts posted by BlueWings

  1. :youcanheal: is what I want to say firstly. When I first came here it was nearly straight after my two-year long endurance of continual rape. Though I wasn't married to him (thank God), I can, as a lot of us will, relate to you.

    It's been almost six months or so since I've joined AfterSilence, and just about the same amount of time that I've been through therapy. I have to say, going to a Rape Crisis Centre helped the most. You will heal in time, and it sucks to hear. Not that I'm totally fine now, but things do get better. Keep hanging in there and doing things in your own timing. But don't forget to motivate and push yourself to a healthy limit either!

    Second, I want to thank you. And congratulate you, for leaving! Having children in a situation such as that makes things a bit more difficult as you already know (though I don't and won't assume to), but I'm ever so happy that you had the courage and intelligence to know that it was (1) wrong and (2) unsafe for not just you, but your angels.

    You're making progress already, m'dear :)

  2. Thanks you guys! It's not too hard actually, it's just that what we're working on (my T's and I) is the relationship with my parents and I. It's fine in most aspects, but being twenty, they still treat me very much as if I'm twelve. My opinions and such don't really count for much and it's all written off as that I'm young and they know better than me. Their overprotectiveness has caused me to have such bad self-esteem (which, the Self-Esteem Workbook is helping me in miraculous ways)... and it's very hard to know that Miles is likely to propose the three weeks that I'm here and he and I are fine with it - his parents are fine with it... but my parents want him to come to Florida in a suit, with the ring, and sit down with them both and ask for permission to marry me. Firstly, whether they said yes or no - I'd say yes. And he knows this. Secondly, I respect that he and I both respect my parents, but it is a two way street and if they're going to treat this relationship consistently as if it's some junior high puppy love thing... well, I hope then that Miles realizes that we, as a couple, gotta do what we gotta and want to do.

    Thirdly, what they want for me is not as important as what *I* want for me. I've emphasized and nicely said this in an e-mail to them, and my mum had a great parade with that one. Saying that my moving to South Dakota is my way of erasing her and my dad, their efforts as parents, and my favourite lines in the e-mail were

    "...what did we do wrong?"


    "You won't understand until you have a child when you make an effort to make home as comfortable as you can, and they don't appreciate it."

    These were both totally uncalled for, and really quite off-topic. It made me so mad!! I don't know how to talk with her about it. No matter what I say she goes back to the whole erasing thing. I'm not erasing them - I'm growing up. I've said this, but yet again, she goes back and basically writes the same e-mail over and over, and emphasizing that she wishes to talk on the phone about it instead.

    She's also mad that Miles and I "planned" this and didn't have the courtesy to talk to either one of them about it.

    (Background info: my dad travels EXTENSIVELY and Miles has only been with my dad twice.)

    She also forgets that Miles has a job here as an Airman... and that he can't just continue taking leave so he can appease their whims.

    I'm so freakin' tired of this.

  3. Hey you guys :) Just wanted to let you know that I'm in South Dakota finally. Today we'll be apartment hunting after he's done getting a bunch of sign-back-in stuff done. It'll be an exciting three weeks here, and despite what anyone tells you: it's beautiful here!

    I definitely don't want to leave. Though am a bit concerned about having three weeks of no therapy appointments. Any advice on that folks?

  4. Through my years of pain, I've learned that moments are so precious. Time is irreplacable and people glorify and prioritize so earthly. I've learned that it's the most humbling thing in the world, though untangible. I love time, it does many things. But it's as dangerous as it is wonderful. I love this quote:

    “If you wait to do everything until you're sure it's right, you'll probably never do much of anything.” -
    Win Borden

  5. Thanks Determined One!

    I have to say that this is the first post I have replyed to for a while, and it was just what I neeeded!

    Ok, here comes my whinge:

    No, I haven't stubbed my toe, but I have just started my morning to cat poop all over my new carpet, I guess she doesn't like the rain! Sodding animal is not my favourite at the moment. I walked in wednesday night, after a really tough day to find my BF's grandma had left me some tea to save me cooking, a really yummy roast. Went to heat it up and my dear old kitty cat was helping herself. 9pm and I started cooking...

    Seriously though, it was a really lovely post, and it has put a real ray of sunshine in my world that has been a little dark recently.

    Thanks again, you are a true star!

    Claire x :flowers:


  6. First, welcome to AS and I'm so glad you were told to come here. It really is a beautiful place here on the boards. Everybody is extremely kind, and it's nice. You realize that you're not alone. Perhaps one of my favourite quotes on these survivor sites is "1 in 3 is not alone!" How true is that?

    Second, you're strong enough to have come as far as you have already in your first post. Don't worry about rushing it. We're all always here and will be here for you when you're ready. Some of us have shared our stories little by little, but just "updating" the same thread when we're re-focused and okay. Some of us just tell it all out in one big splurt. Everybody here, as you said, is highly empathetic and very understanding.

    No one expects anything of you here, and it's very nice. All they excpect is peace amongst us, and it is so definite here.

    :hug: <-- if okay

  7. You know, this is really hard for me to deal with when I have my own problems right now, too.

    Oh wow, I'm so sorry. Literally twenty-four-freaking-seven this is in my face, and yes. Because I'm dealing with this, this is the only problem I have, so... yes ,I'm sorry. Dealing with life and this is just... hard. I'm sorry you can't just be a listening ear.

    When will you get over it?

    When people like you become sensitive.

  8. "You know you are going to have problems if you keep dwelling on it"

    ---because that is what I do, like I catch myself and think, hmmmm I am not thinking about the most painful memories in my life, so I guess I should start.

    I hate that one...people can be so stupid. It's not like we WANT to think about it!!!! Sorry you've gotten so many insensitive comments.. :console:

    I've come to hate that word.. "dwell". Yes, I choose deliberately to think about it every moment of my day. Yes, I choose to try and face it and act normal because you're too weak to THINK about it, but I have to be strong enough to THINK about it and DEAL with it.

    Who's the weaker one here, a**holes?

  9. This place is just not the same without people in chat. So much is missing, and I don't feel the same closeness with people that I used to. I look down there and it's almost always empty, and I know it's summer, but I don't think that's it. I know the mods, etc. don't want to hear this anymore, but it's just not the same. I miss chatting too much. I thought I would get past it, but it has taken away so much for me. I feel empty. I wish people would come back. I don't want to log onto chat and just sit there lonely. :( I miss you guys very very very very much. I miss our talks over "coffee" (I don't drink coffee.that's why the quotes) I miss eating snacks at the computer and pretending to share them with others. I miss people being there to help me through a rough time. I miss being able to be there and help someone else. PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE........can we revitalize chat???????????


    I can't get into the chat, and i don't know why :(

  10. You're definitely not alone here, and it is such a frustrating experience. Diagnosing things that are mental/emotional are sometimes complicated, but ever-so frustrating for the patients.

    I hope that you find peace, knowledge, coping mechanisms, healing and support here. I've found so much of that and more here in just a few weeks. Welcome aboard!

  11. Welcome, Don't Tell. You might see here, once you have a look around, that you're not alone here and we're all very sensitive to one anothers issues. We look forward to embracing each other and being a very good support system. You've definitely come to the right place, darling. I wish you well on your healing and look forward to getting to know you better and watch you heal.


  12. :aswelcomesu:

    We're glad to have you here, because despite the fact that what we're going through, or have gone through, is TERRIBLE, the more the merrier, really. Because then we all see that we're not alone.

    A really great bunch of people here. I'm still new-ish, but I'm telling you - I'm healing more here than I am from my T sessions!

  13. :waves:

    Firstly, welcome here! Everyone is so incredibly angelicly kind and sweet here; they're like family you've never met!

    Feel free to share your story and pains anytime you want. I feel like I was/am in the same boat as you. My "story" came from my ex as well, and I do remember him asking me the same question, but it was in a more violent-threatening way, of course.

    If you're unsure of what to do 'round here, just have a look at some of the others' threads in the different forums.

    But, welcome! We're happy you're looking for a place to heal, and, boy-oh-boy is this the place!!!!!!


  14. Who else experiences this? Does anyone know what it means? It tends to happen to me the most when I have just written something particularly witty that I want to post. So, I have begun to wonder if this is my computers way of telling me that I am not that funny. Should we take a vote?

    No, I am thinking what I need is a new computer!! :hammer: One who can fully appreciate a good sense of humor.

    What do you guys think? :wink:

    Between this, and determined 1's reply, I'm going to piss myself!


  15. Il n'y pas de quoi! (Not a problem!)

    When I was younger, I ended up learning all the HTML coding. I've since forgotten most of it, but the basics have stuck with me. Needless to say, HTML seems to be becoming outdated and new coding is coming up - which, I know nothing about, haha. So I'm glad I could help!!


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