Poppy_
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Status Replies posted by Poppy_
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Well, as of yesterday, I have officially made it one year without SHing. This is the longest I've ever gone since I started... about 14-15 years ago. I thought I would feel differently once I made it past the one year mark of sobriety but... I kind of don't.
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ok then. idk why i even come here anymore 💔
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We are in the thick of traumaversary season. It feels so very lonely sometimes. I don't know how to explain it to people who've never been through, except to say I hope they never come to understand from experience the weight and pain this type of trauma is
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Really trying hard not to hate myself...but it's so difficult.
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I think I need help.
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I think I need help.
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@AKB My appointment is in about 3.5 hours. REALLY hoping it goes well.
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I think I need help.
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I told someone new about my trauma and I don't know if I can really trust them and I feel so anxious about telling them.
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I give up. I can’t do this anymore.
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My five-year AS-aversary was in March. I am so thankful that I found this community. I love you all so much! - Amy
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I really need to see my T
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@MeBeMary - Thank you for the hugs and support. I truly appreciate it more than you know
@mini.finch - Thank you!
@Doll6 - I see her Thursday. Not too long, I just have so much to talk about with her and I want to see her soon. Thank you for sitting!
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I’m having a rough night.
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Yeahhhhh. That kinda day...thought this would make y'all smile. ❤️
The sun'll come out tomorrow, maybe?
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It is okay to be scared, and not know what will happen. Giving you all my support💛
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@Rachal1 - You have my support as well
@Boopbetty - Welcome to After Silence! Hope you're finding your way around okay. Should you need anything at all, please let me know!
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Everything hurts and I want to die.
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@mini.finch thank you. Sitters are welcome.
@Field8 thank you, it just doesn’t feel that way. Feels like no one would miss me and I have no reason to keep going.
@Iheartcupcakes I just don’t want to be alone.
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Struggling and feeling alone
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Anyone who sees this... pocket riders, please. everything is changing, I'm finally receiving support and honestly I'm scared to receive it. I can't fathom a life outside of running and hiding and being violated and frightened all the time.
I am returning to my home this weekend. My new attorney and his wife are going with me. It is a 4 hour drive and he wants to get a better handle on my case, and figure out what is going on, and how to secure my home, and possibly return to the police as we anticipate more theft and vandalism from my son and his friend. That is the hardest part, not knowing what I have to face when we get there. I may have to go back to the police again, but at least I will not be alone.
It is so hard. Two years ago I was a normal person. Now I can barely even talk or be around people. I'm reactive, and scared to get in the car with them for 4 hours, even though they have gone to great lengths to help me feel safe and are trauma sensitive.
My son. My son helped do this to me. I found a location where I felt safe from stalker #1. My son promised to build me a house, so I could finally have a home to recover and heal. Instead he robbed me and left me in a field to freeze to death, and has been helping his friend destroy what little remains of my good life over the last six months. I just don't understand how or why he could do this to me.
I'm so tired of being in trauma. I don't remember what it was like to not be terrorized. It is 24 hour a day psychological r*pe.
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Just wanted to share that I am over 90 DAYS clean from self-harm! This is a HUGE victory for me!
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I just had a rough therapy session today. 😢 My traumaversary is coming up this Saturday. I'm feeling a lot of anger, sadness, and shame. I'm not sure how to handle it all.
