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Capulet

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Everything posted by Capulet

  1. Hi Scars! Welcome to After Silence. You'll find there are lots of people who are in the same boat and that there is always someone willing to lend an ear. You're definitely not alone. I'm called Cap and I'm one of the site's moderators. You will soon hear from a Newbie Support Team member but in the meantime, please know that I am here if you have any questions! Again, welcome to the site. All the best, Cap
  2. HI Kashjack, and welcome! I'm sorry to learn of all of your traumatic experiences! I'm glad you're here, though, and do hope that you'll be able to gain lots of support from being here. This is a great community!!! All the best, Cap
  3. Capulet

    Hi, I'm New

    Welcome, @Yib!!! I'm sorry for what has led you to us, but am glad you are here and hope you will feel you are welcomed and supported. Best wishes, Capulet
  4. Capulet

    first post

    Hey, Mason! Welcome to After Silence. I'm so sorry that circumstance has brought you here, but we are a really supportive bunch and we are open hearts and arms. Please look around and explore the site as much as you would like, and whenever you're ready to post, feel free to do so. There's absolutely no rush - one of the things I love the most about this community. Please let me know if you need any help - always just a shout away. All the best, Capulet
  5. @girlsnz - thanks for reaching out! I'm so sorry for the loss of your brother, with whom you felt very close. Please know though, that it's a huge leap in the right direction to be able to put into words what you feel is holding you back from taking that next step. How to get past it is always a much, much harder question that we'll soon have to address, but to identify the barrier and reason for it is amazing in itself. Be proud of yourself for that!!! That's truly not an easy realization to make. I'm still stuck on a few of my own pebbles that require further analyzing! I do hope you'll someday be able to show that child within you the compassion and love that she deserves. I know all too well that this is yet another thing that is easier said than done....but know you have my support. We are on this walk together and it's helpful to have company. Always available through PM if you ever wanted to talk. Thanks again for your feedback!!! - Cap
  6. HI, @Reyzl - If you let me know what you would like your signature to be, I will attempt to change it for you. I have changed a signature as recently as a few months ago, so it might be worth a try. Please send me a PM and I'll see what I can do! Hoping you're staying safe!
  7. Hi @Samonne - Erin, welcome to After Silence!! I'm called Cap and I'm one of the site's moderators, and I'm here to let you know that you've found a truly good community. I'm sorry to learn that circumstance has brought you here, but am hopeful that you will find a lot of support now that you've told us a little about yourself. I am a survivor of 23 years, and remember all too well how hard it was to talk things out in person - especially in the beginning! That's something I still have a hard time with, and I imagine many of us are also in that very same boat. I hope that being here is helpful and that you are able to quickly build connections with other survivors who understand all of those things you struggle with. There is genuine strength in numbers. Thank you in advance for the mutual kindness and support that I'm sure you will be showing others in no time. You should be hearing from a member of our Newbie Support Team very soon, with some information that will help you navigate the site. Until then, if you have any questions, I'm just a holler away. Again, welcome - I'm looking forward to getting to know you. Wishing you all the best in your healing processes! Warmly, Cap
  8. Happy April, everyone - although we remember this message every day, April is Sexual Assault Awareness Month - let us all remember to reach out for the (virtual) hand of other survivors, especially while we are all dealing with limited in-person interaction during the COVID crisis.  Please stay safe, everyone, and remember - we are always here!

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  9. Hi @Tobi45 - I am one of the site's moderators. I thank you for reaching out with your question!!! How old is your client? If she is sixteen or older, she may sign up for an account as a survivor, and join us; we do have a teen/young adult population here at After Silence. As many of our members feel more anonymous by not revealing their ages, my recommendation would be for her to first introduce herself in the Welcome forums and browse through postings in the Teen and Young Adult forums that we do also offer. I have been meaning to do some work in the Teen/Young Adult sections (for starters, to start up a discussion board, maybe?) and if your client does join, perhaps she could give me a heads' up through private message and we could try to connect her with some of our younger members. Overall, there is an overwhelming amount of support here, and I think she'll fit in nicely with survivors of any age once she gets tha hang of utilizing the boards. If, however, she is younger than sixteen, I'm afraid we would have to wait on accepting her as a member. If you like, please send me a PM and I'll be happy to see if we can find some other resources that may work well for your client. I'm so sorry to hear of what she's been through. I wish her the absolute best in her healing journey. All the best, Capulet
  10. Welcome to After Silence, @thefuturemrsh - although I'm sorry to hear of the circumstances that have led you here, I'm hopeful that being here will inspire lots of comfort, healing and growth. You are among many others who understand and you're not alone. All the best, Capulet
  11. Hello from me in isolation - how's everyone doing? It's the first time I'm blogging whilst in quarantine - you'd think I have all the time in the world, but even I'm having trouble getting used to a routine that I have no choice but to conform to for the time being. We are amid some very hard times, friends. Very uncertain and very unsettling times. I've taken several steps back from Facebook and only check my feed once or twice a day - all of the COVID-19 jokes are starting to become annoying. I know humor is a popular and effective means of coping - I've used it on MANY occasions when I'd rather not cry. But I've seen enough. I don't watch the news....something said today won't be the same, tomorrow. Everything is changing, and NOTHING is consistent. We are on a lockdown, only allowed to leave our homes if the need arises for 'essentials.' Even so, one must not dally about; it's right back home, after you've gotten whatever you need. Local law enforcement has started to impose a $2000 fine for anyone caught out after a certain time of day - and they're not either coming home from or going to work. Now, those of you who know me well know that I am by NO means a social butterfly. I'll go out of my way to avoid large group settings, I'll sit by myself in the cafeteria or student center (when I'm actually able to go to classes) and I'd rather watch movies at home on a Saturday night. I'm not into clubbing, partying, or drinking....my 'scene' is slow-paced, and yes, I've been told it's boring. But, it's still my preference, as I believe that when I was created, I was meant to later become the poster child of an introvert. There's no other explanation for it. Now, my mother is the complete opposite. She's sixty-six years old and puts my ass to shame. Seriously - you cannot have a ten-minute conversation with her without her phone going off at least a half-dozen times - and that's if she answers long enough to say, "I'll call you back!" Granted, half the time, it's one of my sisters enlisting her babysitting services, but the rest of the calls are from her 'groups,' - that is, her various types of gatherings....the group of ladies that she goes into the city with every month to see a new Broadway show, the DIFFERENT group of equally as annoying female senior citizens that live in her retirement community that she has luncheons with every few weeks, or there's another group of women that all grew up on the same Brooklyn street fifty to sixty years ago that she insists upon reconnecting regularly with, and if they 'hit it off further,' planning vacations with. I don't think my mother knows the name of ANY of my current friends, and the fact that I can identify hers by phone number is scary. So, you can imagine how she's coping with having to stay indoors. With my stepfather, too. Now, don't get me wrong. He's not a bad guy. He's kind, he's compassionate, and he's very giving. He's been a part of my life since I was five - and he's someone I'm honored to call my second father. He just does. not. stop. talking. My mother's terrible to him. She'll tell him to shut up, and she'll dismiss him - the guy just likes to talk, he likes to converse, he likes being social. She does too - just not with her husband. Anyway, she's decided to take on the project of dismantling family photo albums this week. She's on lockdown, too...she COULD go to the store for grocery replenishment if she wanted to, but she is also convinced that because she's older and has diabetes and other underlying health issues that she's going to contract the Coronavirus before she makes it out of her own driveway. We've all told her that she needs to not feed into the panic, mostly media-caused, and to just keep a safe distance and keep her hands clean - but she chooses to keep herself shielded completely by staying behind locked doors and has tasked my brother-in-law with bringing her weekly groceries and toilet paper, if any can be located. So, here we have a VERY bored Italian lady going through photos of us girls from when we were small. A couple of times, she'd mistaken me for my youngest sister - and told my sister to ask her husband what he thought of a picture of me with my stepfather, thinking that it was actually my sister with HER father. My sister, who works at a hospital, comes back with, "Um....Ma, that's not me." She sends a photo of herself holding an infant me - with the date '1979' on the bottom of the polaroid. "Who am I holding, here?' she asks. I tell her that if we are to take the date written on the bottom as a clue, then that baby would be me. She sent pictures of us wearing easter dresses and bonnets and Halloween costumes and vacation photos, pics of us with the family dog, until my middle sister got snippy and said, "Ma, it's 11:00pm....let's resume the picture sharing tomorrow." And tomorrow - at this point, yesterday, arrived. I was working on some classwork and she chimes in with a photo of me on an amusement park ride - it was the Swing ride - don't know what it's called - but it's the ride where you sit in a swing (among other swings) and like a carousel, it spins you around. This was a pretty good picture, though, and you could only see my silhouette - the ride was in motion and I was swinging across a sunset. "VERY nice shot," I told her, "too bad that moment will never be relived!" I simply meant that my rump won't fit into that size swing anymore, but she seemingly was inspired to ask an entirely different question. "Maybe not that same experience, but what would you do over if you could?" It took me a few minutes to actually process her question. My mother doesn't talk like that. Granted, by now, she'd been talking a little cray-cray for a few days, already, but this was just WEIRD. "It doesn't do any good to dwell on the what-if's," I told her. Sure, there's plenty of shit I wish I could do-over. Choices I'd love to un-make. We all have them. I just wasn't sharing those details with my mother; I'd made the decision not to many years ago. I wasn't about to start now. "There has to be something." I scrambled for a bit, then said, "I guess I'd change who I married," and then added, "But I don't regret what came out of that marriage." "Of course, not," she says, and then says, "My one regret was not forcing you to go to your first choice college." More weirdness. And to hear that her one regret is that she was unable to FORCE me to do something that I obviously didn't want to do - well, yeah, you can imagine how well this was sitting with me. I knew already how manipulative my mother was and is - I just hadn't realized that she'd been criticizing and judging my choices for all of these years. And that THIS, of all things, was something she was regretting at that very moment. It was just seeming so...unusual. "What are you talking about, Ma?" "They offered you a scholarship and you turned them down because you didn't want to dorm. And I listened to you - I let you go to the community college, instead. Your life could have and would have unfolded differently had you gone to the private university." "I didn't want to go to the other college," I insisted. And I didn't. Yes, it did have to do with the dorming. I'd never been away from home and the idea of being far from family was unsettling - especially since back then, I STILL was not a social butterfly and being surrounded by people I didn't know was NOT a feeling that I was looking forward to. This was pre-rape, so my reasons for self-isolation were more deafness-related than trauma-related. And, ya know - she MAY be right - my life perhaps WOULD have unfolded had I not gone to the community college, but I stand by what I told her in the beginning of this conversation - it does NO GOOD to dwell on what could have been! "I could have made you go," texts back my mother. Wow. Such confidence! "No," I said, "I was just as stubborn back then as I am now. You weren't going to win that battle." (And I was getting pretty fucking pissed off at this point...I was THISCLOSE to texting one of my sisters and asking where the fuck her sanity had gone.) I texted again, "Not going to that college is not one of my regrets." "Okay," she says, quite obviously disappointed that I wasn't feeding into this idea any further. "I'm glad." "Isn't it what the Catholics believe, Ma?" I said, "that we're all born with a pre-destined script and that he has a plan for us all? And that before he sends us to Earth, we've also got an expiration date that only he knows, stamped across our ass? Whatever happens to us in life is all for a reason?" "Yes, it is!" She says. She probably was excited to hear me make a religious reference. I wasn't about to engage into a debate on this because y'all know that while I believe in there being a God, I'm really not one to put much stock into the Catholic teachings. I believe in karma. Treat people well, with respect and kindness - and don't murder anyone regardless of how frustrated with them you may be - you should be fine if you keep these basic, common sense rules on how to be a decent human being in mind. Anyway - I told her I had a good life. And I do. I truly believe that while I've had some horrible shit happen to me that I'm never going to forget, I've experienced joy, I've got what I need, and I am, for the most part, healthy. I think that there's truth to the idea that every single human being experiences some form of trauma within their lifetimes - trauma on multiple levels and scopes, and that some are more difficult to recover from than others - but still - we're all going to face struggles and trials and experience fear and despair - that's a given, no matter what. I'm also inclined to believe that trudging through the bad times is what teaches us to embrace and appreciate the good times more. Didn't mean to get philosophical, but perhaps this is what isolation does to me. Hopefully having extra time to think and process (and write) is a harmless means of coping and that my sanity (or loss of) is not in danger of mirroring my mother's. I don't know how long this lockdown is going to last, but I'm hoping that for the time being, I've seen the last of her deep questions. Anyway, it's late - I'm seemingly back to turning in after at least 2:30 in the morning, given the shift in schedule and not having to wake up early for 8am classes. I know - this isn't ideal at my age - or anyone's age, for that matter. My body just refuses to try out that thing called 'uninterrupted sleep.' I've heard of it, but it doesn't seem to apply to me. Last night, I was in bed at three, didn't fall asleep until after four-thirty, then was up at seven - took me another hour and change just to FALL back asleep - (I wasn't getting outta bed, even though my body was urging me to...I won this battle, too) and finally, I threw the covers off a little bit after 11.... That being said, I'm ready to see how long tonight takes. Be well, friends - keep washing your hands and adhering to social distancing recommendations. I know it's hard and it sucks, but the longer people ignore the warnings and delay the containing of this bullshit virus, the longer it's going to be until we can all resume normalcy...I know that's preferred any day. Hang in there and stay safe. Sending those of you who want 'em virtual huggles. - Capulet
  12. ❤️ Thank you, sweet friend, that's always so nice to hear - especially during times where I feel less than inspiring! Hope you're hanging in there, hun, and that you know just how much courage you have, as well! - Cap
  13. It's been a rough, ROUGH few weeks. I'm not really wanting to rehash on things and put too many details here, but I did want to let everyone know that things have been stressful and difficult as of late. I'm still around, though, no worries!!! It seems that no matter what's happening in my life, this remains my safe space, the place where I feel most comfortable, and where I 'escape.' I know I've been extremely neglectful to my blog, my and to my kitchen sink, among other things. I've managed to autopilot through, though, and am starting to see some semblance of normalcy; it's been a while since there has been 'sunshine,' both literally and figuratively speaking. Some of my closest friends here already know a little bit about what's been going on in my life, and they have been absolutely amazing. My heartfelt thanks to those of you who were never without a kind word and those who have checked in or sent pick-me-ups my way. I'm a very fortunate woman, to know you and to call you friends! So, when it rains, it pours...there's a hell of a lot of truth to that statement. And when it's pouring out and things keep coming at you like those balls being whipped at you in the batting cages - you learn to compartmentalize and to recognize what you can handle now and what you should tuck away for later. Now that the storm has passed (somewhat) and the weather is becoming nicer and more bearable, I'm taking a peek at what's been in the back pocket of my brain for a few weeks. There's not TOO much in there due to my trying to tackle everything else that was coming at me at once - some things couldn't be put away. As many of you know, I'm finishing up my junior year at the University (been back for a year, after taking a hiatus!) and I'm just a few classes shy of my bachelor's in Social Work. I'm taking a Child Welfare class and it's taught by an excellent professor. The guy is knowledgeable, he engages, he's not boring, he keeps our attention - and that's not easy to do at 8 o'clock in the morning. Anyway, in preparation for our midterm, he was kind enough to reveal what one of the essay questions would be. "Identify the four types of child abuse and describe the indicators and signs that point to each." I mean, some of this - it's a no-brainer. You have your physical abuse cases (seeing burns, bruises, welts and spiral fractures on a child's body and the child's account most often not being consistent with the story the marks tell), there's neglect, which is marked by the child's appearace at times - the child who rummages through trash because they're hungry and are in search of food, the child who is unkempt or inappropriately dressed (flip-flops in December?) is likely not getting what he or she needs at home. Emotional and mental abuse struck a chord for me for obvious reasons - although I was older when experiencing this type of abuse at the hands (and mouth) of my husband, it would be easy for me to spot signs of emotional distress in a child. The emotionally abused child will often verbally put themselves down, chastise themselves, minimize their self-worth, all reflective of what they perhaps hear from adults they trust. I paid the most attention to the fourth 'type' of abuse - sexual abuse. I've not said much in class during these discussions - I'd chosen to just sit, listen, observe. I was fearful of what I'd hear were indicators of this - because for a long time, I've been holding onto the belief that I was sexually abused as a child. I'd LOVE to not believe it, but based on what I do know of myself and my behaviors as a kid, I can't discount any of it. I wondered to myself - what signs was everyone else missing? What was ignored? Was I that good at hiding secrets, that even as a child, I showed no indication that something was wrong? The professor did talk about physical signs - those signs aren't always accurate, though - some can be confused for physical abuse (not that sexual abuse isn't physical, because it is - but a flinching child or a child afraid of an adult could truthfully point to either) and some can be attributed to one of the other types as well - and as children don't normally show up to school with their private areas exposed, sexual abuse is by far one of the most overlooked of abuse types. There is one indicator, though, and according to the esteemed professor - it is the number one sign that a child has been sexually abused. Anyone care to venture a guess as to what that sign is? Okay, I'll tell you. I didn't get it right away, either, for the record. I guess I never really sat down to think about it because I never had to - but in preparation for getting my degree, I've had to take a good, hard look at a lot of things. I wasn't planning to pursue working with children, and I think I'm understanding now why there might be some (unconscious) hesitation there. It all makes more sense, now. Without further ado - the number one sign is - 'a child who has an advanced knowledge of or is demonstrating sexual behavior at an age where they would not normally have it or do so.' I wanted to shake my professor's hand at the end of class and say, "I can't tell you what for, but thank you!!!!" He validated me and he doesn't even know it. Although I still have no memory to support my suspicions, he made them a little more true. I'm still not sure what to do with this - perhaps it's going back into that pocket from which it arrived, especially now that I know and understand that these signs weren't missed...they were ignored. My mother saw them when she witnessed (and scolded me for) behaviors that she told me were 'inappropriate' and dirty. I was seven. Or eight. How the hell else would I have known the things I was doing if something hadn't happened? A kid doesn't learn these things without some sort of exposure. A social worker saw the signs, too, when the 'dolls' did sexual things to each other. She asked questions, there was an investigative process but nothing came of that, either. I dunno, guys. I kinda hoped that there was some truth to me being a 'dirty' child. Or that I was just crazy and imaginative enough to make things up. Even being a kid that had something wrong with her was an easier concept to grasp, because it would mean I wasn't a bad kid...and that the REASON I did these things was because I was crazy, or just...smart enough to 'discover' certain sexual behaviors on my own... Anyone I've spoken to about these things is most likely a survivor themselves. "Something did happen," they all say, "you didn't make this up..." Don't get me wrong - I do believe it - but there was always that tiny sliver of hope that I was wrong and that there was a misunderstanding or misinterpretation somewhere. To hear this information from a non-survivor (as far as I know) and a professional....a teacher TELLING future social workers what to look at when trying to identify child sexual abuse...this has made it....different, somehow. Surprisingly, I'm not triggered. I'm almost relieved, in a sense. It's a very hard feeling to explain, but perhaps I will be able to at a later time. I wanna say I'm angry, but it is not yet at the point where I'm feeling enraged. It's still a feeling of fizzing disgust - and mostly at certain people who were in my life, saw these very obvious signs, and did nothing. I've already, in my mind, held those 'players' accountable - even if I've not said anything to them (and with good personal reasons for not doing so) or shared with them what I DO remember. My suspected abuser is dead, now. Perhaps this can be looked at as an act of divine intervention - as I'll never get any confirmation from a pedophile who was buried last summer - maybe this was something I needed to hear in order to make peace with it, even in a small way. I will say though, I'm glad social work professionals today are smarter and more thorough than the ones that existed back in the 80s. It's RIDICULOUS how much was missed, or even ignored back then. I've just received word that my spring break has been extended another week due to the University's taking precaution over the mass hysteria caused by the COVID-19 outbreak - they are still having faculty come in but delaying students' return until March 23rd. Staff will be exploring the possibilty of continuing classes remotely if the need arises. So, the week that I mentally missed, (I still went to classes even though my head wasn't with it, but that was strictly for attendance purposes) I now have back and will utilize it in order to catch up as best as I can. I'll be spending some time with my word processor, research engines, and $25 bottles of hand sanitizer. So - back to the grind on the two papers that were due when we returned from spring break. No extensions have been granted on those as of yet, so I'm back to working on those under the assumption that they're still due on the established due dates. I did want to post something here, though, as it's been a while since I let my words flow. It ALWAYS does make me feel a little better when I've done so - and as expected, I'm feeling calm and more able to focus on the things that are still sitting in front of me. I'm hoping everyone is doing well and is staying safe and germ-free!!! My thoughts are always with you! Peace, love and hugs, - Capulet
  14. Been a while since I did this...

    Have a nice weekend, all!

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    1. 8888

      8888

      Thank you and happy weekend!

    2. Mave

      Mave

      Thank you, Cap! You too!

    3. waterlily13

      waterlily13

      Thank you friend, you too! ❤️ 

    4. Show next comments  6 more
  15. @onedayhero - this may not seem like abuse because it wasn't of the physical sort, but in a way, it is. You do not have to be inappropriately touched for something to qualify as being abuse or for a situation to be wrong on many levels. I am a survivor of domestic violence, yet my ex-husband never 'hit' me. Mental/emotional forms of abuse are JUST as damaging as the physical, if you ask me. If you were a child and were exposed to inappropriate sexual behavior, the person(s) who did so were not taking into consideration your age or trying to shield you from unhealthy sexual behavior - instead they showed it to you, it IS likely that's caused an impact. I'm sorry that's happened. It COULD have a lot to do with your struggles involving sexuality and sex in general, but it also may not as truthfully, many individuals grapple with sexuality issues on a daily basis - whether they do or don't have abuse/sexual trauma in their background. You're welcome to look around here and see if anybody has any input or advice for you on this, but I do suggest maybe talking things through with a therapist or counselor who specializes in sexuality issues....he or she may be able to help you get to the root of things that way. Remember though, we are all different - and we all cope differently. There are some of us who have had different levels of exposure to inappropriate sexual behavior or violence and have dealt with it in different ways. Only you can truly understand your own questions and answers, whatever they may be, and ultimately decide what is best for yourself. Wishing you all the luck in the world. Best wishes, Capulet
  16. @afterthestorm78 - welcome to After Silence!!! I'm sad that you have reason to be here, but truly feel blessed to have you and your voice among us within our community. You are not alone in coping with the past, present and future - many of us are in the same boat and there's truly strength in numbers. Please feel free to let me know if you have any questions or concerns. All the best, Capulet
  17. Capulet

    Hi

    Welcome, Peachy! Although I'm sorry to hear of the circumstances that have led you to us, I'm hopeful that being here will bring you some peace, comfort and healing. My best wishes, Capulet
  18. Welcome, @Bambs, to After Silence. I think being here is an excellent way to prepare for getting into some difficult things - it's always SO much easier to talk about things within a community where many others are in the same boat - I am also wishing you lots of luck with the transition into therapy - that's another very positive step in your healing process. Take all the time you need to look around before sharing - if that is best for you. We don't require that you share anything if you're not quite comfortable doing so, yet. Whenever you're ready to jump in, we'll be here! Best wishes, Capulet
  19. Welcome to AS, Smalls. Glad you are here, although I'm sorry that circumstances have led you here. I hope you will find our community to be welcoming and a valuable resource in your healing processes! Best wishes, Capulet
  20. Capulet

    Hi

    Welcome, @SadQueen - to After Silence!!! I hope you find our community to be a helpful stop in your healing journey! Best wishes, Capulet
  21. Welcome, @PrettyPeony to After Silence, I'm glad you've joined our community. This truly is a safe place, and I'm hopeful that you will find that we certainly are a fantastic online community where support is unwavering and the people are kind and can relate in many ways. You are right about there being a story-sharing forum that unlocks after you've had 10 posts. This is for your protection as well as for the protection of others, as we would like for the content in that forum to not be seen by those who might not want to stick around, etc. There is some very heavily triggering posts in that space, too, so it's best to get to know AS a little bit more before venturing into there. And one of the things I like the most about AS is - you can say as much or as little as you like - you're not obligated to say anything you're not comfortable with. Please take your time to look around. If you have any questions or concerns, I'm just a shout away. All the best, and again - welcome. - Capulet
  22. Hey, Gold Raindrops. Well, the Quilster got the job done that night - now I need a warrior that will ALLOW my body to let me sleep for longer periods of time. It just doesn't cooperate, no matter how nicely I ask. LOL. Gonna try it again tonight - but actually NEED it - throat starting to feel scratchy. These 8am classes are going to require two things in order for me to be able to function - coffee and more than three hours' sleep the night before! Hope all's well wih you! Thanks for stopping by! - Cap
  23. So, let's assume that Ny-Quil and Melatonin have teamed up with one very important mission in mind - 'twas the night before Spring semester started, and someone (let's call her, 'Cap') needed to undo six weeks' worth of habitual going-to-bed-at-3am-every-night damage. And let's also assume that EVEN this late at night, it takes Cap roughly an hour to FALL asleep and then STAY asleep for more than three or four hours at a time. It has also been pre-determined that neither member of Team Sleep Aid could get the job done by themselves... Melatonin (Mel) went in first, at exactly midnight - and when she found herself overwhelmed by those brain cells (carrying pitchforks, I'm sure) that refused to shut up and allow her to work her calming, soothing magic, her buddy Ny-Quil, (whom she calls 'Quill') followed, thirty minutes later, in hopes of combatting the army of 'Stay-Awakes' that have taken up residence in Cap's brain. (How dare they, they don't pay rent!) So, are you wondering yet if the duo got the job done? No, they didn't. It would seem that their very worthy adversary (Nerves) won last night. Only two to three hours total of sleep was achieved by Cap, who tossed and turned for several hours as Mel and Quill's efforts were pitiful against the very dominant Nerves, before finally succumbing into a very light slumber, and who was wide awake before the sun dared peek through the blinds and before the alarm clock had the audacity to go off and ruin the rest of the day. (Those of you who have ever had a bed-shaker alarm clock know exactly what I mean. If you don't, take my word for it.) Nerves, who had made the mistake of reading a policies class syllabus before bed. Nerves, who could only begin to wonder what she'd be walking into as she now has new routines to become used to. Nerves, who, while she isn't the praying type, hoped there wouldn't be any communication barriers of any kind, that all three sets of instructor lips were easy to read and that there would be no handlebar moustaches. Nerves, who has also reserved a fair amount of herself for tomorrow morning's Astronomy class - (what if she can't find the Planetarium, despite her son's very wise advice to search for the dome atop the Science building and align herself under it??) the one class she's deathly afraid of becoming the American Government equivalent when it comes to interest. That Nerves. The same Nerves that kicked both Mel's and Quill's asses last night - is now ready to fight, again. I will say, though, that as today's 'first day' went well, that Nerves is significantly weakened and the Stay-Awakes are becoming tired. In fact, THEY might be sleeping! Tonight, Mel is on the bench, taking a break. We don't need to come at 'em as strongly, I don't think. Quill is suited up, and ready to go in. Round two, here we go.....check back tomorrow for the results! (Yes, go ahead, laugh. I AM trying to be funny! I know we've had a few serious entries as of late, so hopefully this one will make you smile a little bit.) Good night, all. - Cap
  24. Hi @rj1130 - welcome to AS! I'm sorry to hear you are a new/recent survivor and that those are the circumstances that have led you here, but I'm truly glad you are here and think you will truly find that you're among many others who truly understand your fear. No worries about the details - you've posted a very good introduction, it helps us to get to know you a little bit. When you've reached 10 total postings, a more private, Story-sharing forum will automatically unlock, and you're welcome to share more detailed content if that's what you'd like to do. One of the best things about this site is - you're welcome to share as much or as little as you want - there's no pressure whatsoever. Just relax, take your time, and seek comfort in the safe, healing tone the site very much encompasses. Again, welcome - wishing you all the best on your healing journey! - Capulet
  25. For when the going gets tough and the frustration begins to mount; for those times we wonder how continuing is possible....here's a random little message that is important for us all to remember, may these short, powerful words speak louder than the rest... ❤️  Have a great Sunday, everyone.

    motivational-memes469871.jpg

    1. MeBeMary

      MeBeMary

      💕 Thanks. 

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