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Posts posted by Capulet

  1. Hi onlytime,

    There is no time line for healing - I'm learning that myself. I am terrible at talking in person, most of my expression is done via the written word. Most of us who post here have been through the same thing, and whether it was twenty years ago, ten years ago, last year or yesterday, it is still a major part of our lives and who we are...so please do not feel that there is a schedule for you and something that you "should" be doing/following - only your heart will be able to guide you. :) You have already taken a big step in the right direction by joining AS and I hope you find support here. The people here are wonderful.

    I am around if you ever want to chat.

  2. I seriously wish that woman were open to counseling. I'm fully open to it, and suggested it to her many times over the years, but she always had the same response. "Councilors don't work. I've tried that before." And yet, she had me in counseling for several years. (Logic is what?) I'm sorry if this sounds like I'm attacking you. I don't mean it like that. It's just that rather than speak to me as if I have valid thoughts and feelings, my mother assumes that I'm spoiled, selfish, lazy, and irresponsible. It just feels like when it comes to me, her sympathy is gone. Yet, it's boundless for my older siblings. I mean is it because she didn't give birth to me? Or am I just a screw up in general?

    Please don't feel that you're attacking me. :) Part of the reason I am here is because there are SO MANY different thoughts and opinions on how to deal with one specific topic/situation. I welcome other thoughts and ideas on it when it comes to my own situation and hey, we don't know each other too well yet, so there's no way for me to tell what works for you and what does not. I just hope to help, even if it's in a small, SMALL way.

    My mother was never sexually abused or assaulted, so I cannot relate to her in that respect. I don't even feel that I can tell her what happened to me, but a small part of me thinks she knows something about my childhood that she is not telling me. And so, I clammed up - she knows nothing about the things I DO remember, and I plan on keeping it that way. It's better that way, in my opinion, and much easier.

    Nicole, I am available to you anytime. Just drop a note if you want to talk. :)

  3. Just this morning, I told her the reason I haven't been sleeping at night. (The dark just freaks me out these days.) Her response was "Get unafraid, Nicole. You need to find a job." Sometimes I just wonder if she ever thinks before she speaks to me. Also, she keeps telling me to "lose the attitude". As if it's something I can really help it right now. -.-" Sorry if I sound whiny...she just gets under my skin sometimes. I could pour all of THAT out now, but I really don't feel like pissing myself off right now.

    I do understand where you're coming from, though, I really do. I'm just not sure if that's her reasoning.


    It was just a suggestion. :) I have been wrong before and will be wrong many times to come. I am sorry your mother is not very sensitive to what happened. I do understand to some extent though - for me, it happened ten (almost 11) years ago and I still feel very angry and very bitter about it. It's easier for me to "whatever" it and move onto more present things that I need to think about. I sometimes forget that anger is a big part of healing and I feel badly about it eventually. However, I am learning. My daughter once asked me "what happened?" My response was snapping, "I don't want to discuss it. Okay?"

    She dropped it and never asked again. That was a year and change ago. If she was to ask again, I will probably be much more receptive to it, and to her - and I've vowed to at least TRY to speak of things with her. She is an adolescent and she's going to hear about a lot of ugly things as she matures, and I would rather she ask me or her father any questions she may have about certain things.

    Attitude is something that can't be helped by anyone other than yourself - and usually it's something that you need to "modify" at your own pace. I still occasionally have a bad attitude. I am described as being grumpy sometimes, even a b*tch. Other times, I'm "sweet." :dunno:

    Another thought - (and please feel free to tell me to piss off, I would not take offense!) - perhaps you and your mother can go to counseling together. When you have two sides where communication isn't very effective, sometimes having a mediator in between may help - he/she can post the questions and give you both something to think about. It is common for a mother to forget to be a friend, and a lot can probably still be salvaged by way of your relationship if perhaps you two were to consider something like this.

    I am here if you wish to talk anytime, whether here or in private messages - I promise to keep my attitude in check. :)


  4. Hi Nicole, I am new here too.

    If it helps any, I am a parent - I don't even LIKE to think of even the POSSIBILITY of something like this happening to any of my children, no matter how unrealistic it may seem to say to myself that it won't. Perhaps your mother is the same way - she does not understand because she recognizes some of the signs in you and it makes things hard for her to cope with and so she "shuts down." It may not be the case, but it's a thought. Have you tried talking to her about some things? Maybe once the ice is broken, your mother can help you through some of it?

    Anyway, welcome and enjoy your stay here, everyone here has been so nice to me and I hope you gain the support you seek.

  5. Welcome to AS!!!!!!!!

    I'm glad to have you here, and I hope you find the comfort and friendship that transpires around here. You'll have to let us read some of your writings!

    See you around,


    Perhaps I will in time as I get to know some of you better. :) My writings reveal a lot of my inner self and I like to be sure I know who I am dealing with before I share.

    Thank you though, everyone, for the welcome.

  6. "and I'm often accused of being sarcastic. Please be advised that I never use it to be vicious"

    Welcome sister, I'm "D", and judging from this, I'd say we'll get along just fine! LOL

    Blessings to you!

    *snort* Good to know! ;)

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