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Capulet

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Status Replies posted by Capulet

  1. Hopeless. Frustrated with myself. I need to be better. 😞

    1. Capulet

      Capulet

      You already are the best you can be for the moment.  Keep your chin up, darling! ❤️ There's always hope.

    2. (See 5 other replies to this status update)

  2. Leaving this here, because, really, who can't smile at this????

    Have a great weekend, everyone. ❤️ 

    IMG_1165.jpeg

    1. Capulet

      Capulet

      @abhaya - this is Apollo.  Yes, he's mine. :) Please pay no mind to the disarray of my grass; I've been too lazy to go out and mow - perhaps that'll happen next week! ❤️ 

    2. (See 6 other replies to this status update)

  3. Today I have court.

    This time I am not the victim, but I am speaking for him. I am fostering a dog who has been abused and starved. I am a witness in the case against his owners and hopefully we will convict them of neglect and the dog will not be returned to them. They are fighting to get him back. 

    It is bringing up a lot. I have not been in court since my trial, which was three years ago (April 2017). Could use sitters and prayers/good vibes that the innocent dog gets justice and will not be returned to his abusers. I think we can all identify with that....

    1. Capulet

      Capulet

      Hoping for the verdict we all want. ❤️  Sitting with you and with the little guy!  He's so lucky to have you on his side!

    2. (See 7 other replies to this status update)

  4. All day I've really needed to cry but haven't found a convenient time yet to do it yet with work, childcare, and friends in the mix. I feel lucky it's not so bad I can still control when but also really need to just let go and do it.

    1. Capulet

      Capulet

      Sitting with you, matts. ❤️  I hope you can find a few minutes to yourself at some point so that you can 'let it go.'  Hang in there.

  5. What did I do to deserve all of this crud to happen?

    1. Capulet

      Capulet

      You did nothing at all, friend!! ❤️  Sitting with you!

    2. (See 3 other replies to this status update)

  6. I'm so sorry everyone, I've been trying to be on more often, and be more supportive, but I am really struggling and my bandwidth is just so low right now I feel like I can barely function :(Please just know I think about you all daily, and I wish I could take the pain away from so many of you who are suffering and hurting.  Sending so many safe hugs (if ok) and positive vibes to everyone who reads this 

    1. Capulet

      Capulet

      ❤️  Hit me up when you're feeling up to it.  Sending love and safe hugs. :)

    2. (See 5 other replies to this status update)

  7. So, this happened!

    Introducing the newest member of the Capulet family.  Say hello to Apollo!

    image.png

    He's such a good boy.  We're so in love.  😍

    He's making himself at home and keeping me covered in doggy kisses and lots of cuddles!  

    My heart is happy. ❤️ 

    1. Capulet

      Capulet

      Thank you, everyone!!!! ❤️  He's a sweet boy.  He does play rough, but that's to be expected given his age - he is just 3 and a half months old.  He's a black lab/dachshund mix.  His favorite thing to do is run in front of people and trip them up.  I've got a feeling he'll learn not to do that once he's stepped on....other than that, he loves to scour for things to chew on - the rubber Nylabone I ordered him won't get here any sooner than tomorrow so I'm hoping that'll have me saying 'no!!!' less frequently!

    2. (See 9 other replies to this status update)

  8. Was a bit stupid again tonight :( I wish I could just get it together all ready :( 

    1. Capulet

      Capulet

      ❤️  Sending hugs, friend.  You hang in there!

    2. (See 3 other replies to this status update)

  9. I am new to this . I am really looking for some emotional support . I recently got out of a domestic violence situation with a man I really love . I am pregnant and in a shelter . I am having trouble accepting things as they are . I have fallen into a deep depression and i have no one to turn to. 

    1. Capulet

      Capulet

      @Lavd1617 - Welcome to After Silence!!!  You'll soon be hearing from a member of our Newbie Support Team with more helpful information and links. :)  

      I'm sorry to hear of what you're going through.  I am hoping that you will find a lot of support here.  You aren't alone.

      Best wishes,
      Cap

    2. (See 2 other replies to this status update)

  10. Trying not to slip into darkness again. Trying to stay hopeful.

    1. Capulet

      Capulet

      Sitting with you, friend, holding up a lantern.  There's hope. ❤️ 

    2. (See 7 other replies to this status update)

  11. Anxious... My mind is racing 😫

  12. I hate me

    1. Capulet

      Capulet

      ❤️  One of those days, friend?  
      Sitting with you.  You're adored and supported.  

    2. (See 2 other replies to this status update)

  13. Better night tonight🥰

  14. To those of you having a rough time right now:

    Unknown.jpeg

    Know that you are not alone! ❤️ 

    1. Capulet

      Capulet

      @waterlily13 - so sorry, friend.  :(  Hope the day improves and some of that darkness lifts... ❤️ 

    2. (See 6 other replies to this status update)

  15. To those of you having a rough time right now:

    Unknown.jpeg

    Know that you are not alone! ❤️ 

    1. Capulet

      Capulet

      @Enigma87 - of course!!!! ❤️  Just a little reminder that I think we all need from time to time.  Hang in there, friend. :hug:

      @Free2Fly - Safe hugs always okay and loved!  Sending you back some.  :hug:

      @Poppy_ - 💕

    2. (See 6 other replies to this status update)

  16. May be Triggering - Need Support and possibly pocket riders 

    This has been a tough week; I get worse as Father's Day approaches.I was born on Father's Day; and my birthday is on Fathers Day this year. My stepmother's birthday was on June 26th. When my parents were alive we would celebrate together on one day. I miss them this time of year.

    But I also have a bad feeling when I think about Father's Day or my birthday. No memories; I just feel apprehensive and scared. I don't know if he abused me; just because I have a bad feeling doesn't mean anything happened. 

    But it certainly feels like something happened. My body is reacting as if I'm having a  flashback but there are no memories.

    It feels like there are memories; but I'm trying really hard not to let them break free - I really don't want to remember anything else. But the feeling isn't going away. I know that I will feel better once I get through Sunday. I'm tired of struggling with this every year.

    The obvious thing that comes to mind is that the abuse is a birthday or Father's Day gift; or maybe both. Is that too obvious? Am I taking the fear and uneasiness and letting my imagination run away from me? I don't want to get beyond the feelings; in fact I want the feelings to go away and not come back.

    Something happened yesterday; it seems to be making everything worse.

    I found out that a man from my church died. I have known him all of my life; I grew up with his children. He was always a kind, patient, gentle man. I always felt safe around him. Looking back he is what I would want for a father if I got to pick my own father. He was 93 years old and up until about 6 months ago he would take meals from the church to a homeless shelter. 

    I never let anyone in;i never allow anyone to get close to me, I never allow myself to care about anyone. I didn't realize how much I cared for him until he died. I wont be able to attend his funeral - which really makes me sad. 

    I go back to the doctor tomorrow, I guess it's really today, I'm not looking forward to that either - more back manipulation - guaranteed. 

    I feel like I am all over the place; but I could you see some support this week - unless until I make it through Sunday.

     

    1. Capulet

      Capulet

      ❤️  I am sitting with you, @girlsnz, please know that if you need anything, I'm just a holler away.  You are not alone, friend.  Lean on us if you need - we understand.  

      - Cap

    2. (See 4 other replies to this status update)

  17. Not sure where to put this, an idea for a writing topic:

    How do you evolve enough that when you hear the phrase "self care" you don't immediately roll your eyes, shake your head, and make the finger-down-the-throat vomit hand gestures?

    1. Capulet

      Capulet

      😂  Ohhhh, I know that gesture ALL too well. Hahaha.  I'm definitely writing this one down!!!  

    2. (See 1 other reply to this status update)

  18. I want to tell my boyfriend about the assault/abuse, but I don't know if I should, and also not how I would do it.
    Could someone who has experience or advice on this message me? 💛

    1. Capulet

      Capulet

      No problem!!!  I do think that you bring up another good and valid point - telling/sharing is ALWAYS best when you're in a safe place, mentally, physically and emotionally.  If you're lacking in any of these areas, it's probably in your best interests to wait to tell him.  I agree with you there.  Good for you for putting yourself first!!! :)  That's spot-on, and exactly what we should all do.  We must not jump into anything that we might not be ready for, so I'm glad you've recognized that not being ready may be a possibility.  There's nothing wrong with that.  In building up to telling him. perhaps you COULD let him know that you'd like to share some things with him someday, and perhaps this will help you to gauge a little bit how receptive he might be to some of the harder things - or even to prepare him for some of it?  Just my two cents...but I think you're already on the right track. :)  - Cap

    2. (See 3 other replies to this status update)

  19. So...I've run into a little problem. I want to share my survival story. I do. I need to get it out of my head. The problem is that isn't so easy. I have massive anxieties about this whole thing. I'm sure many of you know exactly what I'm talking about because you've felt with them too.

    I have trust issues. Being an anonymous voice on ye ol' interwebz does help a bit. Because, why lie when nobody knows you anyways. You all don't really know my name. You aren't in my real day-to-day life. There's a bit of a buffer there. There's a cushion. A layer of protection from how much you could really hurt me. If somebody on this site goes a little bananas on me, I just block the troll and move on. Done and done.

    The trust thing I'm having trouble with is this - I don't do pity.

    I can't do pity. It makes me feel like a soaking wet stray cat that someone found in a dumpster. It makes me feel like I'm being looked down on. Empathy is fine. Pity makes me want to scream. It makes me feel like a child.

    Add to this that I had a brain injury and this makes writing and reading really hard. It's difficult for me to pick up on the little vocal and facial cues that I usually rely on to give my brain extra context. Texting is aweful for me. I worry that I'm not reafing it right.

    Anyway, so now I'm just sitting here wondering if I should share or not. Because I'm not afraid of trolls. No. What I'm afraid of is well-meaning people saying "oh, you poor thing..."

    1. Capulet

      Capulet

      RubyRosie - I hear you, LOUD and clear.    

      From what I've seen and experienced, there's far more empathy than there is pity on this site.  We are a community of like-minded folks who are ALL trying to figure some things out for ourselves, and I know I say this a lot - but it truly does take a village.  I've found that for me, talking things out (whether I do it in a post or in the chat or in a blog, or a private message, etc) does help because it's truly validating when someone tells me they understand and they can relate in some way, shape or form.  I've never gotten 'you poor thing.'  I do understand what you mean, though - I don't want that, either. I know there is a lot of "I'm so sorry this happened to you," but that's more on the empathy side. :)  We understand how it is and what you're going through, so this is a common way for us to reach out in support.

      Another thing I love the most about this site is - you're able to take it at your own pace, so there's never, ever, EVER any pressure to share anything that you aren't okay with sharing for the moment.  Trust is something many of us struggle with and it's truly important that we remain cautious and wait until we feel we might be ready to share.  Whenever that is for you, know we're all here and we'll listen. ❤️ 

      Have a great day,
      Cap

    2. (See 2 other replies to this status update)

  20. I want to tell my boyfriend about the assault/abuse, but I don't know if I should, and also not how I would do it.
    Could someone who has experience or advice on this message me? 💛

    1. Capulet

      Capulet

      Telling ANYONE is not an easy feat - but I think that if you feel that you can trust your boyfriend and you want him to know about your abuse history, then perhaps telling him will serve to strengthen your relationship for the better?  It is a big step to take, and a courageous one!  I wish you luck - know we're all sitting with you and support you. ❤️  - Cap

    2. (See 3 other replies to this status update)

  21. I just want to sleep. Few hours tops. I dont think I can bear this much more.

    1. Capulet

      Capulet

      Sending you some hugs if okay, and some positivity!  Hope you got some rest. ❤️ 

    2. (See 1 other reply to this status update)

  22. Hey everyone,

    I don't really know what to write here, except hi. I'm glad I found this place.

    RubyRosie

    1. Capulet

      Capulet

      Hi and welcome to the site!!!! :)  Glad to meet you!

    2. (See 3 other replies to this status update)

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