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Blog Comments posted by Capulet

  1. @Tearsonmypillow -

    Hi there!  Welcome to the site, and thank you so much for dropping by.  

    I'm so sorry you are going through this.  :(  I didn't 'see' what was happening to me at the hands (or mouth) of my ex-husband until after we'd separated and our divorce was pending.  I think that when we're too close to a situation, it's very difficult to see the toxicity within.  You are absolutely right - spousal rape is abuse.  It need only happen ONCE for it to be abuse.  I do agree that both your husband and my ex-husband have good qualities within - they must have - there was a time when we loved them.  When things change, it truly is disheartening and heartbreaking.  :(  I hope you know that NONE of this is your fault, and that there is absolutely NO justification for a husband to treat his wife like this.  

    Where do we start to pick up the pieces?  Well - this is different for everyone.  I'm glad you're here, though, this is truly a supportive community and a good place to begin communicating and connecting with others who are currently or who have been in the same boat.  A support system is vital.  We do have a Domestic Violence forum here, and you're welcome to look around there and see if some of the posts there are relatable - because I do think you will find that you're not alone in your thoughts.  It's not an easy situation to break away from, especially when there are children involved, but it's not impossible.  

    If you'd like to talk privately sometime, you're welcome to send me a PM anytime --> @Capulet <-- (hover over my username and hit the 'message' envelope at the bottom!)

    Hoping to hear from you soon - and again - welcome to the site.  


  2. Thank you, Goldie, for all of your kind words!  

    We've not yet deleted the Zillow app from our phones, we're still undecided if we'll stay here.  We currently have well people in our yard, working on trying to open it up. They are trying something called Hydro Fracturing, (hydro fracking) so...moment of truth!  Guess we'll see first off, if this works, and secondly, if there's any relief in sight.  You're right - some houses look pretty on the outside and inside but in reality, they can 'house' unbelievable problems, no pun intended.  

    I'll keep everyone posted. ¬†Thank you so much - appreciate your support! ¬†‚̧ԳŹ

    - Cap

  3. @Zoeloves -

    Hi there!

    I want you to know that I read your response many times.  It means the whole entire world to me that you've said this.  It made me feel as if I'm truly on the right track - with school, with my work here, with accomplishing long-term goals.  Sometimes I wonder if I've gone off-course, but it was truly wonderful to sign in to see your kind words.  For this, thank you from the bottom of my heart.  It truly is very nice to hear these words from someone - especially since it's been a few months since this was posted.  

    I'm so glad that you feel validated in that there is absolutely no justifiable reason for anyone to have harmed you.  Too often, we dwell on the idea that there MUST be something we've done to deserve this - to somehow make the pain someone else has caused us 'acceptable.'  It has taken more time than I care to admit to realize that there is no reason at all, and that bad behavior of those around us are a result of nothing we've done, but everything to do with THEM.

    Grateful for you, too. ¬†Thank you again. ‚̧ԳŹ¬†

  4. @girlsnz - thanks for reaching out!  I'm so sorry for the loss of your brother, with whom you felt very close.  :( 

    Please know though, that it's a huge leap in the right direction to be able to put into words what you feel is holding you back from taking that next step.  How to get past it is always a much, much harder question that we'll soon have to address, but to identify the barrier and reason for it is amazing in itself.  Be proud of yourself for that!!!  That's truly not an easy realization to make.  I'm still stuck on a few of my own pebbles that require further analyzing!  

    I do hope you'll someday be able to show that child within you the compassion and love that she deserves.  I know all too well that this is yet another thing that is easier said than done....but know you have my support.  We are on this walk together and it's helpful to have company.  Always available through PM if you ever wanted to talk.

    Thanks again for your feedback!!!  

    - Cap

  5. Hey, Gold Raindrops. :)

    Well, the Quilster got the job done that night - now I need a warrior that will ALLOW my body to let me sleep for longer periods of time.  It just doesn't cooperate, no matter how nicely I ask. LOL.  

    Gonna try it again tonight - but actually NEED it - throat starting to feel scratchy.  These 8am classes are going to require two things in order for me to be able to function - coffee and more than three hours' sleep the night before!

    Hope all's well wih you!  Thanks for stopping by!

    - Cap

  6. Hi, @AKB -

    How's the door-slamming going? :)¬† I'm sorry, friend. ¬†I did know that 2019 wasn't a good year for MANY, and was sad to hear you, too, have been struggling. ¬†Yes, let 2020 bring forth good and wonderful things!!! ‚̧ԳŹ¬† Consider 2019 sent packing. ¬†

    @vitamin - Thank you, friend, for gentle note.  You are right - at least the holidays have been shoved back into boxes and back up the attic - there won't be any need to worry about any of this until this year's Black Friday.  By then, I'm hoping to be in a place where I can appreciate it all for what it's intended to be and not dread it, so much.  A lot of changes must be made this year, and I'm working on 'em, little by little. :)  I'm hoping YOUR holiday with family and friends was a truly blessed time!

    @goldraindrops - that's my hope, too. :)  So far, so good.  I mean, I'm sure 2020 will dish out its share of grief and little moments of frustration, but I do hope to keep myself grounded and handle them in a healthier manner.  My family is FULL of some very complicated people, and it IS truly hard to work with that, but I'm hopeful, having already taken some steps last year. 

    As always, it's so nice hearing from you guys. ¬†Thank you. ¬†:)¬† Happy New Year. ‚̧ԳŹ¬†

  7. @Iheartcupcakes - that woman lives in so many of us here - it truly IS heartbreaking how many of us are that very same woman.  I am proud to call you my friend, too.  You're an amazingly strong force, Amy.  :throb: Thank you, friend, for holding my hand through this.

    @MzKeys75 - Thank you, dear....I never really thought of it that way - of being my own superhero that night - I can honestly say that in the moment, I felt the complete opposite of a superhero....I felt helpless and vulnerable enough that night to be able to see very little light at the end of that tunnel - but in hindsight, I do see how I did everything I needed to do in order to just arrive at the point where I could go to sleep and END the day.  I know a lot of mistakes were made that night, but even superheroes falter in judgement, decision-making, etc.  It took me a long time to forgive those missteps, and to realize that I did everything I thought I needed to do in order to survive.  I appreciate your words, very much!!!

    @2Siamese - I didn't know that about you!!!!  Bravo to you for working with the deaf and hard-of-hearing community.  Our community NEEDS more people like you, who can help raise awareness on this!!!!  I don't know too many deaf or hard-of-hearing folks who have been through SA/similar hardships but am SURE they exist.  Where there is lack of support, there is indeed increased silence. :(  We should definitely talk more on this, someday!

    Thank you all.  My heart is truly blessed to have my AS family.


  8. Thank you so much, @Amsekhmet - I have seen SO much growth in myself since coming back from a lengthy hiatus a couple years ago.  It truly helps me to have ingrained myself back into this community and to have the support of the folks here who have gotten to know me and who have always, even if unaware of it, motivated me and encouraged me to be a better version of myself.

    Not sure about bravery/courage - feeling a lot of mixed feelings about it all and it's hard to specifically pick those two out of the mix, but at the very least, I'm hoping to be brave enough to post the intro later. :)  

    Thanks again, sending huggles!

    - Cap

  9. @goldraindrops

    Thank you so much!!!!  Knowing that my friends are close by and are holding my hand through all of it (even if just mentally) truly does help this process.  All of it.  :throb:

    It makes perfect sense about the sleepless nights.  Thank you.  I needed that reminder!

    Although this weekend has been full of activity (nothing fun, sadly, my 'activity' consisted of some yard work and walking/jogging around a track near the house) I did manage to write up a little something - somewhat of a prologue/introduction of what is coming in three additional installments.  I'm just putting the finishing touches on that and will likely be posting it early next week.  My standing OCD is preventing me from posting it before I've read it over a hundred times - and until I've applied any and all necessary tweaks before doing so.  

    Man, telling your story isn't for the faint of heart!

    I AM tired, though.  I think sleep will be a little more forthcoming tonight.  My body hurts, but I have to blame that on the amount of mowing I did!

    Hoping your weekend is going well!! :)


  10. :lol:

    Thank you, AKB!!!!  The throat-punch on my behalf is very much appreciated.  She'll not see it coming, that's for sure.

    I agree, it's a transformation.  That's a good term to use for it. :)  It's been a gradual change all along, but I've finally reached a point in this process where the changes are more noticeable, and, at times, uncomfortable.  All part of the process, I suppose, but better now than never.  

    Sending hugs back!!  :throb:

  11. @goldraindrops - so right you are about things not always being what they seem.  I just wonder how others can sound so convincing. :)  I know for some of them, it IS genuine...and there's always a layer of sadness on Mother's Day.  I know this will eventually be a deeper sadness when my mother is no longer living...that'll be a different ball game, but I will jump that fence when I get to it.   I cannot help wishing I could be a part of that small percentage whose mothers did right by them.  Guess I can take comfort in knowing my kids are.

    @AKB - Mr. Hollis has some very, VERY wise words!  I appreciate your sharing them.  

    I was actually thinking of you this Mother's Day, given all the recent developments with your parents - and was sensing that you were also struggling.  I understand completely your decision to not have human children - but am glad you decided to be Mama to your fur-baby - Sasha's a very lucky girl! :)  Also agree wholeheartedly that my family here on AS has been a truly exceptional surrogate family, for you guys are who I can be most 'real' with!!!  I don't know what I'd do without you all!  

    Love to you both and thank you for your kind words. :throb:

  12. 3 minutes ago, Iheartcupcakes said:

    The other woman is the skank but not him? If he gets away from her he will find another. We all know that. Cheating is something inside the cheater and it has nothing to do with not being around one woman. If he wants to cheat, he will whenever, wherever. 

    I agree with you, 200%.  I don't know how everything's gonna play out between the two, but I know that for me - this is absolutely unforgivable.  But yes, he's a man-skank in my book, now. I also agree that cheaters very, VERY rarely change - he's already admitted to no longer being attracted to my sister (they were high-school sweethearts) and now that he's been fooling around elsewhere for a little while, it's looking like less of a 'mistake' (what he claims) and more of a desire to just not be with her anymore.  :shrug:  I just hope that if they DO decide to part ways, they remain civil for the sake of their daughter, who is not even 2 yet.

    19 minutes ago, Iheartcupcakes said:

    I am so sorry you have to put up with that. I am glad you stand your ground and protect yourself with that boundary. He doesn't deserve you or your peace. 

    Thank you!!!! :throb:  I want him to die with this on his conscience.  For me to go and say 'hello' to him would automatically make him think that things 'are cool' between us.  They're not, they never will be.  And I'm not in a position where I want to stand there and 'listen' to what ELSE he has to say, anything beyond the 'hello.'  I think I'm more likely to lose my shit and expedite his death process.  I don't look good in orange, so I'm sticking to these boundaries I've set for myself - and staying away. :)  

    I'll skip the 'hello' and say 'goodbye' when he's finally in a box.

  13. :throb:  School prep is going.  Registering for classes on 6/13. :)  Looking forward to it!!!!  Four months away!

    Thank you, sweet friend, for the kind words.  While little can be said about my mother, the mental image of snatching that wooden spoon and snapping it in half over my knee is a nice one.

    Sending you love and hugs, hoping things are going well for you this week!

  14. @goldraindrops - thank you, dear friend.  It means so much to hear that - I've heard it before but it's pretty easy to lose these positive affirmations once the doubts start to sink in.  It's been a wild week of me becoming used to the idea of life as I know it changing in the Fall.  Now, I'm trying to self-affirm that change isn't necessarily bad - it's just going to take some adjusting! :)  

    There's no turning back, now, though - the 'hold my place' fee has been paid. ;)  As stated somewhere else - onwards and forwards!  The only direction to go from here.  Thank you for your love and encouragement, friend.  :throb:

    @Angelbee - I will likely be messaging you at some point to ask how your experiences were while studying Social Work! :)  Thank you so much for your good thoughts and your well wishes - they mean a tremendous deal to me - and I appreciate hearing from you.  

  15. Bail money not needed.  :up:

    Thank you, though, @2Siamese - it's good to know that if I ever needed a get-me-outta-jail fundraiser, you're my girl! 

    My mother is not happy about overall not being able to sway me anymore - but I am at the point where I can no longer make certain others AND myself happy at the same time.  

    I went for it.  I got myself a Jeep!  New entry to follow, with a delayed update. 


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