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taylorml123

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  1. I’m a mess

    I found this website while desperately looking for somewhere to vent. I had just been raped a second time, by someone that I knew. It happened on Good Friday and I had to spend that Easter weekend with my family, smiling like nothing happened. The first time I was raped, I was in high school and I knew him too. I buried that rape for a very long time, and my PTSD was just starting to surface when I was raped the second time. I’m currently a mess. I struggle with self image and eating disorders, on top of my overwhelming PTSD. I never reported either of my rapes for a variety of reasons, and I never sought counseling. I’m afraid of other people’s judgements. When I came forward to “friends” after my first rape, I was met with plenty judgement. Why didn’t I fight him? Why did I think I had the right to withdraw my consent? I should have known better, and most importantly I didn’t need to tell anyone else that the football star was a rapist. I’m trying to heal, but it’s hard. Sometimes I can’t even get out of bed. My mom doesn’t know, so she just tells me and everyone else she knows that I’m lazy. I need support. Please someone help me.
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