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Posts posted by LooksLikeRain

  1. On 4/16/2018 at 10:07 PM, LauraC.S.A.survivor said:

    I am laura and I am a c.s.a survivor . i was repeatedly S.A. by my stepfather from the age of 12 to 17 .I'm in a dark place . with self harm and thoughts of death last few months. I'm tired of dealing with ptsd, anxiety , depression and  bpd. I'm mentally and physically exhausted . I'm going to be 39 soon and I'm not quite sure I will see that birthday at this point . I'm just so tired. I got a new tattoo to prevent me from self harming . it has been a rough road.


    That tattoo is GORGEOUS

  2. Sometimes... my inner child comes out in a voice. 
    I used to do it a lot but then my last boss started stopping me.... I never realized how often I made that childish voice until she started snapping at me...

    Now, it kinda has stopped... 
     My inner child is very confused, and just wants to sit and draw and be artistic. My poor little girl... That's all she ever wanted to do... sit on the floor with a pile of blank pieces of paper in front of her and a sharpened pencil and just let the night melt away as she drew....


  3. Thank you all for your sweet, encouraging words. 
    I'm starting to get teary eyed lol
    I am so glad I found this website already. 
    In a way, it's sad that I'm not alone, but in a way, I am glad you're all here. 

    I hope you all remember that you're strong, as well. 
    I'm fighting for myself, as well as all of you. 

  4. Hello everyone, 

       I'm Rain. I'm currently battling PTSD from my sexual assault, which occurred September 27th. I went to the police and reported the man who did it, and it's been a Hellish battle with the courts. He said he does not want to serve jail time, so it looks like we may end up going to trial. 
    He has until July 27th to accept the plea bargain, which is 60 days in jail, or we go to trial in August. 

    I feel betrayed, since it was my best friend's boyfriend... and she chose his side. Her whole family chose HIS side. Even her brother, who was also my best friend. 
    I'm hurt. I'm angry. 

    I'm attending therapy and trying to get my life back in order, but it is not easy. I've somehow landed a boyfriend after this incident and it has been a little bit rocky because I tend to lash out, get defensive and get upset. It's like I'm always on edge and need to pick fights over everything. 
    And then there's my self esteem. I feel low, like dirt. I feel ugly. 
    I've been spending money a lot to try and make myself feel better. 

    I just want him in jail. I want everyone to see him for the monster that he is. It's hard because there was no physical evidence, and so, the police can only charge him with simple assault. 
    I sometimes feel like there's winning...


    but I'm trying to have hope. 
    I can't give up.

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