Brooklyn24

Trade my joy for my protection 

Made a fool of myself in front of a therapist, embarrassed to exist. Want to give up

isolating, can’t sleep. No one to tell this to, no one to take this weight. I have destroyed everything 

Trying to find a therapist like my old one is so hard. I’m never gunna get through anything );

Sometimes I wanna die even when I’m happy too 

Oh what did I get myself into 🤦🏻‍♀️🤦🏻‍♀️

I can’t with myself like geeeezzzzz

so much happening, overwhelmed. Shook like a leaf all day, haven’t eaten, haven’t slept. I am scared, I am hearing things and my paranoia is killing me. Am OK. But not. 

It’s 1am breakdown time

I spontaneously went to the beach with a friend today and like... I didn’t have that much anxiety about being surrounded my people... a little but I was ok.

I actually gave my medicine a try, took it for over a month every day and I’m shocked... it might be working???? Who woulda thought. I’ve been feeling okay again

I’m proud of you. I miss talking to you. Please call when can. My number changed temporarily; I’ll text you the new one, you won’t see this for awhile. You really hep Ed me. I’m greatful. Thank u. Much care xx 

1:24am. Waiting for pills to kick in. Hatred runs through my veins. For him, for them, most sadly, for me. I think I’ll be okay this time. Happier days; terrifying nights. I was a victim of rape and childhood abuse for 7 years. I’m not wanting sympathy, I want understanding. I’m not the only one, no but that cuts deeper. We are all struggling. I don’t know why I’m going off tonight. Tomorrow will be better. It will be. Maybe, right?

Series of really horrible dreams all night that I feel too ashamed to even talk about, really sets that mood for a rainy hot (insert whatever day it is as I’m just not even sure) ah why do our dreams have so much power over my feelings?? It’s just dreams.. it’s just dreams .. 😞

Today I was happy. And I wasn’t even on drugs. I was naturally happy and I can’t believe it. I had energy and motivation but now it’s 12 am and I still can’t sleep. Have day hospital at 830am. I hope I feel happy tomorrow too. 

Made it 20 mins at day hospital before crying and leaving. F anxiety. I can’t do this

Needing someone to talk to. But don’t want to be a burden. I don’t know

I’ve lost all my friends. They are all gone. I have no one to vent and talk to when these thoughts are racing. I’ve been awake 3 days straight. I’m desperate for a conversation with someone but my parents are off limits and my boyfriend is already showing weird signs concerns but not saying so I can’t talk to him. I feel truly alone

Got out of inpatient and learned a lot. Gunna be in the partial hospital program and gunna give it my best shot. Really wanna get better 

In the midst of deep sorrow
I see Your light is breaking through
The dark of night will not overtake me
I am pressing into You

I hate myself. 

I am vile

I got my injection and feel so defeated. I tried telling my bf my thoughts but he disregards like always. I know this is wrong but i asked him why he doesn’t see the red flags, why do I feel so alone in this... he said he does see the flags but he ‘believes’ in me 😂 hahahahahahahahahah

Tonight just seems almost impossible to get through 

I really can’t take being a bipolar paranoid person anymore. Like... relief please 

knowing my thoughts aren’t true but yet still believing they are ? I know.... makes a lot of sense 

I’m getting married in less then 2 weeks!!!! I’m marrying my best friend and I can’t fricken wait. 

“I’m sorry to the people I hurt, while I was hurting”