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Everything posted by HonestHeart

  1. Just wanted to welcome you and say hi. I'm one who almost always feels unwelcome and like I don't fit in anywhere (except for here), so I wanted to make a point of welcoming you. I don't know what has happened to you in your past, but it sounds like you're discovering that you've found a home here. We all respond to trauma differently, and your responses are just as valid as the next person. So welcome. Hope you find the support and understanding you're no doubt looking for here.
  2. @Nuggart Hi, and thanks for the welcome. Welcome to you, too. So sorry that you are also a survivor of long-term CSA. I guess it's true that whatever doesn't kill us makes us stronger, but it sure can knock us way the hell down!! I, too, had some events occur that really compounded everything. It was then that I realized that my past was not normal, and that I was gonna have to deal with it. I just couldn't deal with it being hidden away any longer. So here I am on this long, hard journey to wellness. I'm glad to be here with you and so many others. Look forward to chatting with you some time as well. I wish you all the best with your journey!! HH
  3. Hi @Jo Maria, I'm pretty new here myself. Wanted to give you a warm welcome. I think you'll definitely find the support you're looking for, and you'll notice that you're very much not alone. I haven't been on here very long, and I've never been on any forums before either. But I'm glad I'm here. Hope you will be, too!
  4. @Struggling88...thank you for the welcome. I am finding that I fit in here. Seems like we're all in a very similar boat. I'm sorry for what happened to you to qualify you for membership, too. I'm sorry for all of us.
  5. Thank you all for your kindness, and for making me feel welcome. I'm finding my way around a little bit at a time. Thanks, @Oneinamillion for suggesting not rushing anything. Good advice, cause there's lots here and it's kinda overwhelming. But the more I look around, the more I'm finding that I'm definitely not alone. So sad that there are so many of us that find ourselves belonging to this group, but comforting to know we are all in this together.
  6. Hi EvaMillie, I am new here, too. Welcome! I have been in therapy for about 4 years, and it is still hard to open up. I am on my second therapist; she is wonderful and I really trust her. However, there are some things that are extremely difficult and painful to talk about. Sometimes I sit there and say nothing while crying buckets of tears, and other times I intentionally steer the conversation to piddly s**t because I'm so uncomfortable. I always go with the intention of being open, but it doesn't always happen, much as I want it to. I, too, still suffer from shame, guilt, and self-hatred, and I think that self-hatred makes for some big problems for me. It tends to shut me down because I'm so busy having an internal fight with myself about how I'm stupid, how no one wants to hear what I have to say, how I'm gonna get hurt if I'm honest, etc. I don't know if anyone else experiences that, but I've noticed that about myself lately. It makes therapy very difficult sometimes. I think you have to go at your own pace, and try to be patient with yourself and the process. I know that's hard. I often feel like I just want to hurry up and be done. But these are your innermost, very private and personal thoughts, feelings, and memories, and you get to choose when you share them. Try to give yourself the same grace you would give someone else in the same situation. That's also hard. You'll disclose more when you're ready. Do what's comfortable for you. Hang in there!!
  7. So I just joined, and I'm feeling anxious about being here. I never thought I would join anything like this, but my therapist thought it might be helpful, and I trust her, so I'm giving it a shot. I am a survivor of long-term CSA, and I recently started dealing with my abuse, as well as the emotionally abusive household in which I grew up. I had no idea when I started my journey that it would be so hard. I guess I did such a good job of stuffing things down that I didn't know how much or what was in there. It feels like I'm always finding some new pocket of hurt and pain. Sometimes I feel like I'll never find the bottom. I feel like I don't fit in anywhere, so I'm really hoping to find that I belong here. Other than my therapist and my husband, I have no one else to talk to, as all of my relationships seem to fail. I just feel so alone. Some days are so incredibly hard and painful. Sometimes I feel like I'm being crushed by the weight of my past and its aftermath. I believe the healing journey is worth it, but it sure is hard.
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