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Enigma87

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Status Updates posted by Enigma87

  1. I just had a rough therapy session today. 😢 My traumaversary is coming up this Saturday. I'm feeling a lot of anger, sadness, and shame. I'm not sure how to handle it all.

    1. Show previous comments  4 more
    2. abhaya

      abhaya

      Sending you so much support and kindness, @Enigma87.  I know how painful that shame is and I also feel 100% certain that it was not your fault.  You did not deserve what happened and you do not deserve blame for it.  Safe virtual hugs to you, friend. ❤️

       

    3. Enigma87

      Enigma87

      @abhaya Aw thank you for your kind and encouraging words, as well as the hugs! :hug:❤️ You have no idea how much I needed to hear that today. Thank you my friend 💕

    4. Anonymous4
  2. Feeling lonely... It’s no one’s fault but my own though. I hope everyone is doing okay. I’m sorry i haven’t been around much. I’m sending out hugs and support to you all ❤️❤️❤️

    1. Show previous comments  1 more
    2. mini.finch

      mini.finch

      *lots of support and hugs* We're here for you, Enigma. :hug:

    3. Enigma87

      Enigma87

      @abhaya @mini.finch Thank you both. I appreciate all of your support, friendship, kindness, and hugs. I really needed it. I’m here for you both also. ❤️❤️❤️:hug:

    4. abhaya
  3. Having a really hard time right now. Can't stop crying. I feel so alone.

    1. Show previous comments  2 more
    2. mini.finch

      mini.finch

      *sending you extra hugs and support* :console:

    3. redadmirals

      redadmirals

      I'm sorry you are struggling, friend :( Sending safe hugs too if OK

    4. Enigma87

      Enigma87

      @MeBeMary @Poppy_ @mini.finch @redadmirals

      Thank you all so much for your support. I appreciate the hugs and you sitting with me. Your kindness means so much to me. :hug:❤️💕

  4. Struggling right now... My sister’s friend was SA’ed on her way home tonight. I’m trying to help, but I’m triggered and feel helpless. :cry: Not going to sleep well tonight.

    1. Show previous comments  6 more
    2. Poppy_

      Poppy_

      Sitting with you, friend. :throb: You're not alone. 

    3. Enigma87

      Enigma87

      @Iheartcupcakes @Poppy_ Thank you both so much for your support. ❤️:hug:She filed a police report last night. It was her Uber driver that attacked her. So I take it the police are tracing things back to him. Idk... In any case, I will encourage her to come on AS. 💕

      @Free2Fly Yea, I know this isn't the first time she's been SA'ed like many of us. However, she is understandably shaken up. I am still emotional about it not just for me and my experience, but because I know how it feels to be SA'ed when under the influence by someone you just met. It's so heartbreaking. 💔

    4. Free2Fly

      Free2Fly

      Yeah Idk how to keep faith in this world of ours :(

      Hope they are okay and you are too.

  5. Tension at home again. It never ends. I’m so tired of pretending everything is okay. Gotta move out. 😓

    1. Show previous comments  3 more
    2. Enigma87

      Enigma87

      @Capulet Aw thank you so much friend. I haven’t forgotten about you btw. I will be PMing you soon :hug:

    3. redadmirals

      redadmirals

      Sending strength to you. I can relate. We are all here for you.

    4. Enigma87

      Enigma87

      @redadmirals thank you friend 🥰 I appreciate you sending strength. I can certainly use it! It’s also nice to know you can relate. I will message you soon also. ❤️:hug:

  6. Anxious. In shock. Can’t sleep. Bad flashbacks

    1. Show previous comments  3 more
    2. Enigma87

      Enigma87

      @Abigail2020 Aw thank you so much 💕I really appreciate the hugs :hug:

    3. waterlily13

      waterlily13

      Sending you hugs if ok friend, hang in there💜

    4. Enigma87

      Enigma87

      @waterlily13 Aw thank you ❤️ I’m trying... I appreciate the support friend.

  7. Not feeling like myself. I want to be cheerful and motivated, but am dragging and detached from everyone and everything. I’m sorry for being MIA. I love and support you all. ❤️🌺

    1. Show previous comments  1 more
    2. Enigma87

      Enigma87

      @abhaya Thank you so much for saying that. Sending hugs and support to you :hug:❤️

    3. Capulet

      Capulet

      Take all the time you need, friend. ❤️  We are here for you, always - it's okay to not be okay right now, or at least motivated and cheerful.  We love you regardless! :) 

      Big hugs,
      - Cap

    4. Enigma87

      Enigma87

      @Capulet Thank you so much Cap ❤️ That means a lot :hug:

  8. Talked with old friends today. They are moving on with their lives... dating, getting married, having kids, etc. Meanwhile, I have wasted the past several years of my young life trying to recover from a mental breakdown and effects of trauma. I’m not  sociable anymore. This is not where I thought I’d be in life right now. I feel like such a failure... I’m feeling so much self-hatred and shame. 😢😞

    1. Show previous comments  4 more
    2. abhaya

      abhaya

      I think it's not negativity, I think there is a real sadness and loss that comes along with trauma.  I support you having whatever space you need to feel how you feel.  I don't think you're a failure, or that you've wasted your life, but I am sending you support and holding space for you to process the loss if it is helpful for you. I don't think feeling this way makes you bad, or a failure, just a human being who has been through more than anyone ever should have to.   Sending support and encouragement and kindness, my friend.

    3. dora

      dora

      @Enigma87 I don’t think this is negative at all. It’s super real and relatable, at least to me. I have felt this way A LOT. For a long, long time. 
      People I grew up with and care for, knew in college, and have worked with have moved forward and have lives and have made these futures for themselves.... and I just haven’t. 
       

      My T has tried to tell me many times that I’m not “behind” or “less than.” It’s just that my experience has been totally different than theirs. That they all have had their own struggles (we all do) but they weren’t having to survive and deal with c-PTSD in the same way I have. (She’s not comparing me to those people in my life, just explaining the difference). 
      I don’t think what you are feeling means it’s been time wasted, although I know I have felt and said the same exact thing about myself. So even though I can’t seem to take my own advice, these last few years you have felt were “wasted” are years you are just trying to survive and heal the best way you can. 
      I just want you to know I HEAR you. I feel the exact same way. I feel shame and like a failure and never thought this is where I would be and what my life would look like at this point. Like not even close. 
      I don’t have a social life either, or many close relationships with anyone at all really cause I can’t figure out how to let people in, trust and be vulnerable enough to create those relationships. 
      I don’t want that life for you. You deserve to heal and have moments and times you will struggle, but mostly have a full life with more joy than pain. 
       

      Sitting here if you want. 

    4. Enigma87

      Enigma87

      @dora Aw you made me cry reading this... Thank you so much for making me feel less alone in this. I appreciate you saying you HEAR me more than anything. I’m sorry you have felt this way too. It’s such a painful place to sit in. I’ve been trying to move past these feelings this week. But it’s been quite hard. I really really appreciate your response more than you know and will gladly accept you sitting with me. I hope you are feeling better and working through these feelings too. You also deserve to heal and have a life full of joy more than pain also. I hope that for you too. :hug:❤️

  9. Heavy hearted 💔 :tear: Memorial service on Zoom for my 2nd dad ended about an hour ago. Still feeling the pain...

    1. Show previous comments  3 more
    2. Free2Fly

      Free2Fly

      safe hugs :hug:if ok?

    3. Iheartcupcakes

      Iheartcupcakes

      So very sorry. I lost my dad in May and it still doesn't feel real. :candle:

    4. Enigma87

      Enigma87

      @snmls @abhaya @Field8 @Free2Fly @Iheartcupcakes

      Sorry for just now responding...

      Thank you all for your support and kindness during this time. I really appreciate it more than you know. ❤️:bighug:

  10. Hopeless. Frustrated with myself. I need to be better. 😞

    1. Show previous comments  3 more
    2. Enigma87

      Enigma87

      @BrightSide Aw thank you B :cry:That means a lot to hear you say all of that. I really am trying but feel like I keep sliding backward. Thank you for making me feel like I'm stronger than I feel at the moment. I needed to hear that. I know we are all struggling in some way, so I appreciate your strength and support as always. Yes, thank you for kindly sitting with me. 💕:hug:

    3. Iheartcupcakes

      Iheartcupcakes

      I disagree. You are already enough :throb:

    4. Enigma87

      Enigma87

      @Iheartcupcakes Aw thank you 😢❤️:hug:

  11. Can’t breathe. Feeling panicked. Not doing well at all.

    1. Show previous comments  1 more
    2. Enigma87
    3. MeBeMary

      MeBeMary

      Hoping you are feeling better today. :hug: to you.

    4. Enigma87

      Enigma87

      @MeBeMary Honestly, not much better, but I'm trying my best to hang in there. Thanks for the hugs :hug:

  12. Woke up feeling paranoid and exposed. :unsure: My experiences are feeling too complicated and heavy. Still keeping secrets. Having the urge to delete every detail I’ve shared here but don’t wanna feel like a coward. Ugh...

    1. Show previous comments  5 more
    2. BrightSide

      BrightSide

      Your welcome 💛 Safe hugs :hug:if you like? B

    3. abhaya

      abhaya

      Sending support and kindness, @Enigma87

    4. copper_lips

      copper_lips

      Feel better soon...:console:

  13. I'm struggling to make it through the night. It was a rough day. I feel like I'm not being as supportive to everyone here. I'm sorry. I'm usually better than this. I just don't feel like I have the right words. :( I am thinking of you all and sending support. ❤️❤️

    1. Show previous comments  2 more
    2. Free2Fly

      Free2Fly

      Safe hugs :hug:If ok?

    3. Enigma87

      Enigma87

      Thank you for your support. I’m sorry for just responding. I fell asleep & just woke up for the day.

      @BrightSide @Free2Fly Thank you for the safe hugs ❤️:hug:I need them

      @behindthesehazeleyes Aw thank you for offering to talk. 💕 I ended up drifting off to sleep a little after I posted this status. I’ll message you.

       

    4. Free2Fly

      Free2Fly

      Your welcome,  hope your doing better.  :hug:

  14. Feeling unsure of myself :( 

    1. behindthesehazeleyes

      behindthesehazeleyes

      Sent you a message, love! Hope you are feeling a little better now and can sleep well!

    2. Enigma87

      Enigma87

      @behindthesehazeleyes Thank you so much friend!! 💕💕 Last night was rough, but I fell asleep soon after talking with my T on the phone. I’m feeling a bit better. I appreciate your kindness! I will throughly read and respond to you message soon. 

  15. Trying not to slip into darkness again. Trying to stay hopeful.

    1. Show previous comments  5 more
    2. Enigma87

      Enigma87

      Oh @Houston please don’t apologize. I appreciate you sitting with me. ❤️ :hug:Thanks for offering to talk.

    3. Capulet

      Capulet

      Sitting with you, friend, holding up a lantern.  There's hope. ❤️ 

    4. Enigma87

      Enigma87

      @Capulet Sorry for the late response. That reassurance is still very much needed and appreciated. Thank you so much Cap 💕

  16. Feeling a lot and nothing at the same time

    1. Show previous comments  1 more
    2. Enigma87

      Enigma87

      @BrightSide Thanks B ❤️ I really appreciate you sitting with me

    3. Houston

      Houston

      I've felt that too :(

      Sitting with you/safe hugs if okay? :hug:

      -Kim

    4. Enigma87

      Enigma87

      @Houston Sorry you’ve felt it too. Can’t shake that feeling today :( I hope you are feeling better too. Thanks for the hugs & sitting with me. :hug:❤️

  17. Anxious... My mind is racing 😫

    1. Show previous comments  3 more
    2. Free2Fly

      Free2Fly

      Your always welcome  🙂 :hug:

    3. Capulet

      Capulet

      Hope you're hanging in there, @Enigma87! ❤️ 

    4. Enigma87

      Enigma87

      @Capulet Thanks Cap. Trying... :hug:❤️

  18. It’s always my fault... I’m done

    1. Show previous comments  1 more
    2. samantha2009

      samantha2009

      @Enigma87 it’s not your fault, friend :hug:🌻

    3. Enigma87

      Enigma87

      @Free2Fly Thanks Free :hug:

      @samantha2009 Thank you for saying that :hug:❤️

    4. Free2Fly

      Free2Fly

      Anytime enigma  :)  :hug:

  19. I hate me

    1. Capulet

      Capulet

      ❤️  One of those days, friend?  
      Sitting with you.  You're adored and supported.  

    2. Celia

      Celia

      Sitting with you and hugs if okay :console:

    3. Enigma87

      Enigma87

      @Capulet @Celia Yes, not a good day. Thank you both 😢❤️

  20. Numb

    1. BrightSide

      BrightSide

      Safe comforting hugs if you would like? :hug:B. 💛

    2. Capulet

      Capulet

      ❤️  Sitting with you.

    3. Enigma87

      Enigma87

      Thanks @BrightSide I appreciate the hugs :hug:

      Thanks @Capulet for sitting with me ❤️

      I hope you both are well

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