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Everything posted by wmnow80

  1. I have been here a few weeks but I have never actually introduced myself. I jumped straight into My Story. I was feeling down and did a search for "rape chat" and this is the first thing that popped up, and I feel fortunate that it did. I just wanted to get it all out immediately and this place gave me that chance - I thought - of course I don't know if I will ever get it all out. I call it Serendipity that you found me though. I came here because I didn't have anyone to talk to about a rape that took place when I was a teenager, besides my therapist, and my husband ( who I don't want to burden - even though he is very supportive). I still feel confused, anxious, angry, aftraid, numb even, but I do fell better when I get it out. I just want to say thanks to all who have welcomed me already and who have supported me and to give you a formal- Hello. Marita
  2. Welcome. It's not your fault you got drunk. Please don't blame yourself. I know it is hard advice to take at first. I am glad you are here and think this place will be helpful for you. The trauma you are feeling right now can make everthing in your life seem comepletely chaotic. I hope that this place helps you as much as it has helped me - to know that there are more people with feelings and situations similar to my own, than I could ever imagine. Not that that's a good thing - only that I know that there are people who I can talk to and who will understand me, and you CAN be assured of that too. Welcome Marita
  3. Welcome. I hope that you will find this site as helpful and supportive as I have in the few weeks that I have been here. I am comfident you will.
  4. I just wanted to say I actually pulled this one out in therapy on Monday. My therapist asked me, "What would you tell a fourteen year old girl who described what happened to you and described the feelings of shame and guilt and personal responsibility that you describe right now?" So I read him this post. He asked why is it so easy for me to support that fourteen year old and let her be angry, but hard for me at twenty-seven to let go of the personal responsibility I feel? I have no clue. The exercise was really a good one and one I will continue to reflect on.
  5. Dear Me, I know you are not proud of yourself right now. You think you made a decision, the big decision, to have sex. You didn't. You are only a child of fourteen. I know that is the last thing you want to hear right know, but if you are going to hear it from anyone it's probably best you hear it from me. Dan took advantage of you last night. You didn't even know his name untill this morning when you woke up sick, remember. He got you drunk, you told him know, and you did some things anyway that you are not proud of and for fourteen years you will see these things as consensual, but honey, they were not. You had only drank once before in your life, and they got you drunk with quarter bounce. Fun? Remember resting your heavy head on the table too dizzy to hold it up. Then you said no to this mystery man's advances. Eventually you woke up and you thought you were having sex, but hon that was rape. You were asleep, and if only I could be there for you in April of 1994 to hug you that morning and hold you so tight and tell you I love you, and to turn all of your shame into anger so that you could turn that man, twice your age, older than me still, into the police. You were so alone. You deserved to feel the love in your life that is in your life right now, both from yourself and those around you. Dear Me. Things will be hard. Things will hurt. Things will get better. I love you. Marita
  6. That's really sad that you don't have any parental support.
  7. I have been fortunate to have been validated by the few people I have told my story to, so I thought that would put a little spin on this one and show how I personally have invalidated someone who has come to me with their story. This happened when I was 12 years old in the seventh grade. My friend D. , also in the seventh grade, was "dating" as senior. She came to me during the first two weeks of school and said that she was raped by her boyfriend. I think I gave her the "Are you sure?" I don't blame myself for not having better advice for D. I was 12 and I certainly didn't get that advice from home, but a little while later the 18 year old boy was arrested and chared with rape of D. I don't know what happened after that. D. stopped talking to me for what seemed to be unrelated reasons at the time, but I bet it had more to do with me not being there for her. The point of all this. I think it would be benificial to teach our pre-teens and teens to take their friends seriously when they come to you with very personal information, teach them to look beyond the assumptions they might have about their friends behavior. For example, so what she is "dating" a senior (yuk) don't assume she's loose and sexual contact is consentual. That was my mistake. I make a character judgement based on very little knowlege about her character rather than listening and protecting which is what a friend, or even an aquaintence, as long as someone feels safe confiding in you should do. This is another on that I gotta tell this neice
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