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Everything posted by survivornow

  1. survivornow

    Breaking the Silence

    Finally let it out, called the police on my parent who abused me, raped me multiple times from when I was 4 -about 9 years old. Physical and psychological beatings from before then til I was 11 and taken from home by Childrens Aid. I cannot even begin to explain how much of a weight was lifted when I called, it was like I didn't have to keep "their" secret anymore. It felt like I finally honoured my (raging broken)inner child who wanted to be free. Until I let it out I would rage and drink and cry all the time, depression permeated my existence. This was my brokenness wanting to be acknowledged, not being able to understand why I couldn't feel a part of a happy "normal" society. Always feeling like people were seeing through me, to "my" dirtiness. I would get drunk at night/evening and walk around looking at nice homes full of lights and families feeling like I could never be a part. Because whenever I was in this environment it made me so sqeamish I just wanted to run. Thing is, when you feel this way, you can live far below a healthy lifestyle. Addictions, and self destruction were common ground. Ah well, that's my first kick at the can. Still wondering if I should follow through and press charges. This crazy parent of mine, used to tell me I couldn't talk to my Dad, I could only call him by his first name, if I didn't obey and called him "Dad" my brother and I would be beat badly when he left for another week or so for work. There's more, but I can't do more right now.
  2. Wow, Sorry to hear what you're going through. This has been my experience since, well, I guess since I was abused this has been my way of life (I was abused as a child before since I can remember til 11yrs old when taken away by Childrens Aid), I haven't known a different way of being - free of this endless introspection and fear. Sorry you are facing it now, hoping there is a better way to be, around the corner. Believing with the healing and finally sharing, that I can be whole again too. Wishing and praying for your healing. Take care.
  3. Thanks for sharing your painful experience, it takes a lot of courage to let it out, I know. I'm sure I could say all the wrong things right now, as I try really hard to say something meaningful and helpful to you. Everything that popped into my head sounded cliche. So, until I think of something better, I just want you to know, I care, and I'm not the only one. I wish I could share a coffee and a few tears with you. Life gets easier when you have someone to talk to. I spent close to 20 years in my own psychological prison. Sharing is the first step to freedom. Praying for you "aperson".
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