Finally let it out, called the police on my parent who abused me, raped me multiple times from when I was 4 -about 9 years old. Physical and psychological beatings from before then til I was 11 and taken from home by Childrens Aid.
I cannot even begin to explain how much of a weight was lifted when I called, it was like I didn't have to keep "their" secret anymore. It felt like I finally honoured my (raging broken)inner child who wanted to be free. Until I let it out I would rage and drink and cry all the time, depression permeated my existence. This was my brokenness wanting to be acknowledged, not being able to understand why I couldn't feel a part of a happy "normal" society. Always feeling like people were seeing through me, to "my" dirtiness. I would get drunk at night/evening and walk around looking at nice homes full of lights and families feeling like I could never be a part. Because whenever I was in this environment it made me so sqeamish I just wanted to run.
Thing is, when you feel this way, you can live far below a healthy lifestyle. Addictions, and self destruction were common ground. Ah well, that's my first kick at the can. Still wondering if I should follow through and press charges.
This crazy parent of mine, used to tell me I couldn't talk to my Dad, I could only call him by his first name, if I didn't obey and called him "Dad" my brother and I would be beat badly when he left for another week or so for work. There's more, but I can't do more right now.