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elisand

M. Member
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Everything posted by elisand

  1. watched the movie Nowhere Safe.

    i feel so bad with her. 

    i've had so many of those feelings.

    i wish someone was there for me also.

    i love the ending, she's so brave

  2. doing ok. watched the movie http://www.imdb.com/title/tt2978102/ 

    i found the building relationship with kate and her ultimate happiness really resonates inside. 

    i want that. 

    and also how nick will do anything to save her. Why couldn't my dad do that, be there for me?

  3. Hi!, Welcome to AS! please feel comfortable. We are in this together.
  4. I think here is the safest place in the world. I hope you will feel that way too. It's so hard. I sometimes think that if i would have known how hard it would be i wouldn't have started. But now i am at a stage where i can see a future in the distance.
  5. Hi Alexis, Welcome back! i think you'll find a lot of support here
  6. elisand

    Lost

    H, Welcome to AS! Happy to have you join!
  7. Hi Sarah, welcome to AS! I am so sorry what you've been through.
  8. found out that the concept of being defiled and violated applies to me. Idk, maybe i have been too frozen and broken to think that way 'til now:unsure:

    1. robynpi

      robynpi

      :( I'm so sorry

    2. elisand

      elisand

      thanks. could you sit with me for a while?

  9. I think i only remember anything in snapshots like a picture of any event in my past not like a video.Also it's like my memories are on mute. I don't remember sounds. Maybe that's why sounds trigger me. 

    I just realized this and i needed to share it but my T is away. 

    Also I started to feel a little. It's scary. Yesterday my apartment got rain inside and i felt so desperate.

  10. elisand

    New ...

    Welcome to AS! I hate when people talk about my abuser in non-negative ways. And i can't stop them w/o revealing what he did
  11. elisand

    New

    Hi, welcome to AS, !!!!!
  12. maybe i feel depressed and sad bec. i don't feel loved?:(

    1. CrimsonQ

      CrimsonQ

      @elisand What does love mean to you? I often wonder myself, what is love? I don't know if I've ever experienced love, except for the pure love from a cat. Animals seem to know how to love better than humans.

    2. elisand

      elisand

      idk, i definitely don't love my parrents though they think they love me.

      I agree, and i want a pet but currently i am not in the position to have one.

      And thanks @Free2Fly, i wish i knew why people love me, maybe i can't love myself

    3. Free2Fly

      Free2Fly

      :hug: , i'm sure its just a learning process.

    4. Show next comments  9 more
  13. Yes, our emotions are totally ---------'d up. And people told me that not all my problems are results of abuse. It took me a long time to realize they were wrong and i was right. it's not about blaming yourself. Considering the questions you are asking yourself it is pretty clear that the abuse you endured were deeply affecting you. So probably a lot more than what even you realized about yourself was affected. (talk about support!). But really love and connection are so hard for us for more than 1 reason. It has to do with trust, and possibly depression and possibly not knowing one's own personality and could be from being frozen in certain ways by the abuse in emotional brain development and also that one tries to freeze emotions bec. it's too painful and because one keeps telling himself how he is a piece of garbage. So you get an idea of how f----'d up we might be. It might be liberating- it truly is not my fault. That doesn't mean one shouldn't try to make a better life for themselves. did you start therapy?
  14. Hi, welcome to AS, I hope being connected to the AS community will help you feel less alone. Members here get it when you share that you are in pain and identify and care. Safe holding hands if ok?
  15. Hi @WhoAmI?, it must have been so tough going through life w/o support. I hope you heal and discover a very special identity about yourself.
  16. Hi, Welcome to AS, I'm happy you have found AS. I hope you find support here.
  17. some ups and downs. my therapist pushes me so much. 

  18. I told someone i was abused. wonder when the suicidal feelings will start bec. thats what happens whenever i tell anyone.

    in need of support

    1. Kmkz

      Kmkz

      You are not alone sitting with you and sending support. 

    2. elisand

      elisand

      thank you right now i'm going into shock 

    3. Rey Stromnight

      Rey Stromnight

      hi, im sitting with you and sending support if its ok

  19. Not meeting my T this week. hope I'll be ok

  20. the secretary in my therapy clinic is a -----. she made me feel like trash just because I asked if I could photocopy some papers. "let your therapist ask"- as if I'm incompetent and lowly.

  21. It is so important for me to feel I count

    1. MeBeMary

      MeBeMary

      You count. You count a heck of a lot. :hug: to you, if ok.

    2. elisand

      elisand

      thanks so much

      But I don't get why

  22. elisand

    first post

    Hi @Jayt, Welcome. Everyone on After Silence is so caring. I hope you find support, you are free to be who you are and your feelings count here.
  23. Two days ago mom told me they are hoping I could forgive him. I'm so upset. 

    1. tuliptorn

      tuliptorn

      That would upset and piss me off too.

      Sorry they said that. They have no idea.:flowers::hug:

    2. elisand

      elisand

      thanks. I think they care about the perv. What the f----'n he--.

  24. Welcome to A S. I find everyone here so supportive. Hope you will find lots of support.
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