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elisand

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Status Replies posted by elisand

  1. I hope everyone is doing well! I have been having a tough time but I am going to share with everyone what I am doing to make the day not just okay but to feel confident. I look at myself and say I am BEAUTIFUL. I am  STRONG. I am AMAZING. When I start having the panic attack or even when I am angry I do this process. Breathe in for 4 to 8 count hold for 4 to 8 breathe out for 4 to 8 count how ever long you can handle my co worker runs meditation classes and she has helped me with everything!!

    1. elisand

      elisand

      i support u!

  2. And then the dreaded car shopping started. Thought the last time I did this was rough now I have to have someone else test drive everything for me... Alwell getting a new car seems pretty awesome even though I'm sad mine is gone.

    1. elisand

      elisand

      so I guess there's a good feeling even though there's also a sadness that the old car is gone. That's amazing, to see different parts  and allowing yourself to feel happy about the good part!

    2. (See 1 other reply to this status update)

  3. Another crap day :( , you expect things to get better but sometimes they just seem to get worse.... I'm so fed up with it.

    1. elisand

      elisand

      and telling yourself not to expect better days is like 'ok, so there's no point'.

      but there's a middle level. that I can create what I can that will be positive for me. 

      safe hugs. here for you

       

       

    2. (See 3 other replies to this status update)

  4. I wanna go for a hike today

    1. elisand

      elisand

      do you have a horse/ what's it like, does it love you? 

  5. this weekend has had me in tears and it's not even finished or near finished

     

  6. when i had a friend
    i felt i belong
    to something
    without 
    it's like i'm
    hanging
     
    future exists 
    with someone
    by my side
    with noone
    how can i survive?
     
    maybe 
    I've always
    wanted a friend
    to share feelings
    and do stuff
    with a firm heart
     
    so I look around 
    searching
    for that one
    who will see in me 
    my greatness
    devoted to my
    life
     
    and when I
    pass the many 
    I wish they'd be the one
    and open the door
    for me
     
    and love me for who I am
    I don't have to hide
    myself
    appreciate my many gifts
    that I am my true self
     
    a wonderful caring
    sensitive guy
    who doesn't judge or scorn
    only asks why
     
    til then who will know 
    my true self
    and treat that self
    delicately 
    and love me for
    being myself
     
    I hate hiding
     
    don't you?
     
     

    -- 

     EliSand  
    1. elisand

      elisand

      thanks, somehow when i write my real feelings just come into focus

    2. (See 3 other replies to this status update)

  7. when i had a friend
    i felt i belong
    to something
    without 
    it's like i'm
    hanging
     
    future exists 
    with someone
    by my side
    with noone
    how can i survive?
     
    maybe 
    I've always
    wanted a friend
    to share feelings
    and do stuff
    with a firm heart
     
    so I look around 
    searching
    for that one
    who will see in me 
    my greatness
    devoted to my
    life
     
    and when I
    pass the many 
    I wish they'd be the one
    and open the door
    for me
     
    and love me for who I am
    I don't have to hide
    myself
    appreciate my many gifts
    that I am my true self
     
    a wonderful caring
    sensitive guy
    who doesn't judge or scorn
    only asks why
     
    til then who will know 
    my true self
    and treat that self
    delicately 
    and love me for
    being myself
     
    I hate hiding
     
    don't you?
     
     

    -- 

     EliSand  
  8. In pain today ... my throats hurts really bad & my body is numb.

  9. lonesome
    all separate from people
    pull away though 
    your assurance is
    what I need
     
    to hold me close 
    tell me you're there 
    take your time
    I'm here for you
     
    All alone
    waiting for you to
    notice me
    see my abuse
    be strong for me
     
    take me under your wing
    provide for my needs
    care for my broken
    heart
    give care like a fountain
     
    where has everyone been?
    can't you
    step into my shattered world?
    or are you
    too preoccupied
    with your own
     
    I now see
    no-one is all confident
    and secure
    though it looked like you were
    you were a counselor or teacher
    a big guy who 
    looked out for us
     
    but now I know
    I wasn't your life 
    you are busy
    I'm a side-interest
    It's too bad
    why can't people be
    what I believed
     
    and yearned
     
    but I know this is
    how I'll be
    for anyone who 
    needs my care
    No-one is totally 
    secure
    but for the child crying out 
    I could be
     

    -- 

     EliSand  
    1. elisand

      elisand

      thank you I might create more like this

    2. (See 1 other reply to this status update)

  10. Hi @Sapphira, luv having you around!:wave:

    1. elisand

      elisand

      Good for now but I'm on the roller-coaster. You probably know what I mean

    2. (See 4 other replies to this status update)

  11. Hi @Sapphira, luv having you around!:wave:

    1. elisand

      elisand

      That's ok glad to hear you alight!! Thanks!

    2. (See 4 other replies to this status update)

  12. Off to Israel!

    it was a really hard month. Without your support you on AS it would have been so much harder. 

     

    1. elisand

      elisand

      Thanks @patriciag @Dahliaa and @fallenstar. 

      It's really much better. I feel like I'm finally able to breathe.:)

    2. (See 3 other replies to this status update)

  13. Flashbacks keeping me awake so tired 

    1. elisand

      elisand

      Hi I'm here for you.

      It might help a bit by thinking at the flashbacks "right now I am safe" "no one can do that to me right now". Safe hugs

    2. (See 2 other replies to this status update)

  14. I had a seizure. I'm ok. But I was wondering should I be scared.

    1. elisand

      elisand

      Thank you

      I have a doctor's appointment tomorrow 

    2. (See 1 other reply to this status update)

  15. Having one of those days :(  & the depression is hitting hard...

    its got to the point I really don't know what to do with myself...

    1. elisand

      elisand

      sitting with you. do you want to chat?

    2. (See 1 other reply to this status update)

  16. Having a really chilled out day, and it feels ok.

    finally slept properly without nightmares or waking up screaming.

  17. Having a really chilled out day, and it feels ok.

    finally slept properly without nightmares or waking up screaming.

  18. So tired & feel exhausted emotionally & physically....

    its cold too.

  19. So tired & feel exhausted emotionally & physically....

    its cold too.

    1. elisand

      elisand

      Do you like hot chocolate? lets's gather together and have some!

    2. (See 3 other replies to this status update)

  20. I am happy to announce I'm still alive despite how many times the world has tried to kill me.

  21. Fear has two meanings

    Forget everything and run

    Or

    Face everything and rise

    1. elisand

      elisand

      sometimes I wish I could run but i'm paralyzed

    2. (See 1 other reply to this status update)

  22. im writing something. i plan it to be a fantasy book or even series. it is still in its infancy as far as jotting random notes or ideas. im more of a musician i guess. but i find fantasy and sci fi very musical in itself. they end up having good soundtracks.

  23. I'm looking to sell my stress anyone want it? I won't charge a lot in surr it has some kind of value somewhere.

    1. elisand

      elisand

      i think our pain is worth a lot. it's real. it's experiencing ourself in a painful way. Hard to explain. I'm not saying we should want it

    2. (See 3 other replies to this status update)

  24. Feeling at my worst.... :cry: 

    lay in be at 6am crying while all are asleep, thinking about bad things.... :( 

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