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elisand

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Blog Comments posted by elisand


  1. On 6/29/2018 at 1:35 PM, Ghostly Lilian said:

    maybe we really feel the need to convince ourselves and others that what we went through was real bad and that anyone would have suffered, that we are justified, and that it's not just us being sensitive, making a drama over nothing and always doing and being wrong.

    that is definitely a big component. Just yesterday mom and dad did just that. they said "the abuser was young it wasn't his fault"

    i bet you know how bad that made me feel


  2. 19 hours ago, Tina2 said:

    I am a BSW ( bachelor of social work) and know from my education the way I should be and what I should be. I can’t seem to do this in my own life. I hurt to my core. Life has a way of bringing you to your knees no matter who you are and what your education level is or what your education may be in. I came here to find support. I hurt! I cry! I am empowered! I have a story to tell! I am scared! 

    What a horrendous thing this perv did. I'm so sorry.

    To me, that you were affected quite strongly by this pervert is totally valid and legitimate. At the same time you're kind of reprimanding yourself, 'why am I reacting like this, I know all the therapy principles, I should be able to handle this'. Hard to acknowledge though it is, you were a victim.

    The truth is that keeping the experience in is a recipe for depression and ptsd to set in. However, that is not to say you have to embrace a victim identity. It's just so important to obtain compassion for the terrible experience for proper healing. At this point this should be like on the front burner. You know much more about who one can tell in order to get the proper support when revealing what happened. Not to be vulnerable to someone who will be indifferent or who starts giving advice.

    This might address the roller coaster. lmn Here for you always


  3. yes, teleah i would not call myself a survivor until I feel I'm ready to try a new identity w/o hurting myself. I also felt invalidated when people said i'm a survivor. I would fight them. Even though they thought they were being supportive.

    showering is hard for me too


  4. So I talked with my therapist for a while. It is a very important topic. We talked about acknowledging what happened. Deciding how much it should affect my life. And a lot of the pain is about that it reminds me of the pain I've gone through. Sometimes whatever happened could be a reason to feel down; it has to be something that affects what i have now in a big way. This is hard to put to words. I hope no-one feels hurt by it.


  5. I discussed this and it seems there are 2 ways to approach this.

    First, why am I using this program? to protect myself. Well maybe I can decide I don't have to ever forgive him.

    Much deeper I can realize that the reason I feel I'd have to forgive him is cuz everyone says he's good. But that's only because of their perspective. I have a different perspective in which I know he is bad/ doesn't deserve forgiveness.

    I can believe in my perspective and realize that I'm ok. When I make a mistake and hurt someone it has no comparison with what he did to me.  

    pls comment what you feel about this 


  6. 9 hours ago, DakotaSun said:

    I felt the same way about gifts and help I never expected it and wondered what would be wanted in return

    like you didn't believe they would do something for you. That they would find something in you to be attracted to. 

    So there is really something in me and you that others like and want to show that they feel it a privilege to do something nice for us.

     


  7. Just now, Ian37 said:

    I am just saying that we do have the control to let those in who actually deserve to be there while simply weeding out all others.  

    Yes I agree with you, and you elucidate the tool. :) great!

    unfortunately my life was set in a religious community which basically teaches that everything that happens to you is for the best so you just have to accept it.

    Instead of supporting me and helping me gain tools to change that. I am reprimanded when I bemoan how I am always attacked.

    I had to and continue to learn that I am in control of making my life better, words that are treated by that community as heresy.

     


  8. i think this can be a conclusion. Friday night i spoke with mom. I indicated clearly that when she tells me to do things i feel forced. That if i don't feel like doing it and do it because she wants me to it won't be helpful, cuz it just will hurt me. I said that I notice and take in what needs to be done and am helpful. it would be ok to ask me if i can do something if she can acknowledge and accept that i need the space to refuse or do it in my own speed etc. 

    I feel more comfortable asserting my choices of when and how to help out.

    that's an accomplishment:)!

     This is a tool: realizing what I need is paramount and taking autonomy on that issue but still do what i can to accommodate others. 

     

     


  9. Additionally, now I am finding an ability to hold off on all personal information. I just came to my parents house and am currently able to control how much to react to things that bother me. 

    I chose whether to show them that! I didn’t expect them to be any better than they are acting and am contemplating in what way to act with them. 


  10. CONCLUSION:i met someone and was able to focus on the part she was seeing about me- so i stayed away from talking about how hard life is for me. 

    That is a very big accomplishment because usually i feel like the victim part of me is being ignored. My therapist said today that this is a major part of my being in control that i could decide which part of me to show. Control is so so important cuz with abuse control was taken away

    :)

  11. Hm


    On 3/13/2018 at 3:02 PM, Survive95 said:

    I saw a man that looked similar to my abuser

    happens to me too:(

     I wish they would of never said anything cause now I’m walking around paranoid and feel like I have to keep smiling even when I’m on a verge of a break down 

    do you mean like, i know what i feel can't i just function?

    When they mention it do they mean to show concern? Would you want people to care about what happened to you? Personally I've needed people to care (though most people never do) 

    But truthfully they are not usually ready to care that deeply, they just care on a shallow level, because they don't know what happened to you. Do you feel like hiding your feelings in front of the girl who knows about it?

     sending support. 

    if you feel uncomfortable about all the questions please tell me

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