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elisand

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    424

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About elisand

  • Rank
    elisand

Profile Information

  • Gender
    Male
  • Location
    After Silence & my therapy room
  • Interests
    certain pop music, Being in supportive & caring atmosphere, Psychology,

Previous Fields

  • MembershipType
    Survivor

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Single Status Update

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  1. elisand
    ashamed
    of what?
    you ask
    in bewilderment
     
    but i can't tell 
    cuz of the shame
    that is 
    ever present 
    around people
     
    inside
    i hate that
    i was violated
    that i have urges
    i can't control
     
    that when i look
    at you 
    i am pulled
    to certain
    parts
    and i bet
    that you could tell
     
    i feel like you 
    are looking 
    with scorn
    contempt
    for the little boy who's
    been called idiot 
     
    that's how you see me
    my brain whispers
    i need to hide
    i know
    you are laughing
    at me
     
    do i smell?
    did i do
    or say
    something stupid?
     
    and i'm ashamed
    cuz i see how
    all the kids my age
    laugh play 
    and live.
     
    there's something
    I'm missing
    what is it?
    are they in on
    a joke?
     
    they have fun 
    playing sports
    and games
     
    what's wrong 
    with me?
     
    I'm so ashamed
    can't look you
    in the face
    you must know
    how weird i 
    am acting
     
    and people
    ignore me
    and lose interest
    when I speak
    what are they seeing?
    I am so ashamed
     
    it's all hidden
    i can't just 
    ask you
    what's wrong with
    me
    you hate me
    that's why you
    ignore me
     
    and
    i'm too embarrassed 
    to reveal my sexuality
    was uncovered
    you'll be so 
    angry
     
    so it's all
    inside
    i totally 
    negate 
    my existence
    it's just 
    too hard
     
    i'm only 8 years
    old
    but believe me
    i'm ready to 
    die
     
    do you get it now?
     
     
     

    -- 

     EliSand  :cry:
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