Leia Skywalker

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About Leia Skywalker

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  • Birthday December 28

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    United States
  • Interests
    Music, Politics, Anime and Theater

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  1. Week by week

    I Saw him today. Not the bad one but the second one. My second ex and my second abuser. I saw him and all I wanted to do was cry and scream. I didn’t say anything. I just ran. Talking about them and what they did is hard, but seeing them. That’s inpossible. When I see him, all I see is who I was and how that girl that I once was is gone. The little girl who was comfortable and safe, she isn’t around anymore. I cant even bring myself to talk to them and let them know how I feel. But what good would it do. Would they listen? Would they care? Or is that just setting me up for a worse life? A bigger story? I don’t know and I don’t plan to find out.
  2. You’re not alone. I’m glad that someone else like me has felt this. I’m sorry that you have been through this and some much has had to change because of it. I wish you the best *hug if okay*
  3. Figuring Out

    I can't stop thinking that who I am is because of what he did. I can't stop thinking that I like the things I do, and I do the things I do because he made me into this. Into this girl who was introduced to sex way too early. Who became used to the idea of sex and actually liked it. Everyone describes victims of sexual abuse as people who never want to have sex again, but I am not like that. Does that make me sick and disgusting? Does that mean he still has control over me? I don't know. I do know that I am making my own choices. I make my choices for me and my future, not to please him. I am not his anymore, I am my own person. I am free....or at least that's what everyone tells me. On a level that is true, he is not physically near me to take me. But he will always be tormenting me, but I can't let that ruin me. I cannot let him ruin my future.
  4. Progress

    Maybe I really was abused. I was able to talk to one of the specialists on RAINN today. They agreed what I went through is qualified as abuse. Sexual, Physical and Emotional. As I have begun to open up I am beginning to discover all that really occurred in the relationship. Not that it can really be qualified as a relationship. Maybe the relationships I have been in are not right. Maybe it's not normal to be threatened and held too tight if I didn't send the pictures he wanted. I don't know, but a lot is starting to remind me of him, I don't know why now? It's been almost five years since I was first used for his pleasure. All I know for sure is that I am starting to get scared. It's becoming a little more obvious of my past to people close to me, but that was never the case before. I don't want this to define me, but its all people seem to care about. Isn't even possible to move on and forget it? Or will I always be reminded of those years?
  5. Trying

    I don't want to pretend like me creating an account on this site makes me better or even qualified to talk about my experience but who knows. Its gotten worse, the flashbacks, the association its all gotten worse. I haven't been touched and hurt in two years but it only feels like hours, maybe its because they still show up. He still tries to find me and bring me back. It happened last night. At the debate tournament, in the middle of debate on a bill about sexual assault and the jail time of perpetrators. That's when it hit, the fear, the memories and the tears. I couldn't talk I couldn't move I couldn't do anything. My friend went to touch me and check on me and moved away cowering away. It's worse, I feel worse. Maybe its because I found where he is. I found out that he did it to another girl. Another girl just like me and it happened because I didn't speak up and stop him. I still haven't. Maybe I am hoping that by typing this it gives me the courage to press charges and keep him from hurting anyone else, but I don't know if I can. Anytime anyone says his name I cry, I shut down. To see him again I couldn't take it. I thought I saw his car this morning. I nearly hit forty speeding as fast I could away before I realized it wasn't him.