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I can't help but fear my life will go too quick to start anything meanful, i dont see the point anymore. I just cant be bothered to live :'(
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You can get through this struggle right now. You have meaning, you will create meaning. Most of the people in the world make meaning within their small circles of friends/family. Or they find meaning in the day to day life. There is so much meaning and beauty in life. These awful things that have happened to us and the mental disorders whether in connection with the trauma or not, they rip the life out of us. We say "fuck you" to that, I am not letting it ruin me. It's so hard to do most days or somedays depending on where you stand, but you aren't alone in this struggle. YOU MATTER. You are meant to be here. Your life has impacted someone else's in one way or another. You matter.