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Everything posted by Tigerswallowtail

  1. The Door I'm standing before a door. I am so tired. My heart is breaking, the grief chokes me. I feel as if I am drowning. The door stands between me and the healing I so long for. I know I must go thru it and face what is on the other side if I ever want to be whole again. I have kept this door shut, hidden away, locked up. I reach out and one by one begin to remove the locks. My hand grasps the knob and then, I stop. I know that on the other side is a little girl. Once the door is open, I will have to face her. I don't know if I can bear to look into her eyes.
  2. Any journey must start somewhere and here is the beginning of my journey of writing a blog. I've never done this before, so bear with me. I plan to use this as a journal in which I can freely express the feelings and struggles, and victories that I face day to day. My T told me the other day that I'm in the chrysalis stage and soon will emerge a new girl. There have been so many changes in my life lately, so many more that are needed. Some days the pain is so heavy and the tears won't stop. Other days are sunny and my life is full of blessings. Sometimes it takes all the strength I can
  3. I should have included in my first post why I chose the name Tigerswallowtail. My T recently told me that it's like I'm in a chrysalis that I am about ready to emerge a new girl with all the changes that I've been making. I love butterflies and the Tiger Swallowtail is one of my favorites. The thought that I'm in the process of turning all the ugly in my life into something beautiful gives me hope. I will have to say that the metamorphosis is rather painful at times, but I'm determined to not give up and to hang in there.
  4. Hi @silentg, Thank you for the welcome and encouragement!
  5. Hi, Strugling88, thank you for the welcome!
  6. Thank you MeBeMary. I am glad to be able to say that since seeing my T, my mom & I have had many conversations where I've really been able to open up to her. It hasn't been easy for her as she struggles with feeling like she should have picked up on what was happening, but she honestly had know idea what was going on in her own home. I don't blame her at all. My abuser was an older foster brother. My dad was unknowing involved in some of what happened. Again, he didn't know and he died about a year later. One of my deepest pains and regret is the fact that I never told my dad what h
  7. Hi Flori! I'm new here too, but I just wanted to let you know that I also struggled with the "me too" posts. First, like you, I didn't want to be so public with my story. Perhaps someday in the future there will be a platform that I'd be comfortable sharing on, but this didn't feel like the right place for me. Secondly I also struggled with the lumping together of abuse and harassment. I've had both. Because of my past abuse just a mild form of harassment can be a trigger for me. But it was through this movement that I found out that a relative of mine also went through abuse. I had
  8. Hi, I'm not sure how to start here... I was sexually abused as a child and kept silent for many years. I did eventually tell my mom, but still didn't talk about it much. Basically I just tried to forget and move on with life. But I couldn't forget. I've been going to counseling for over a year now and am trying to be more open to others about my past. For so long I struggled (still do) with guilt and shame, even though I know it was in no way my fault. I'm hoping that by joining this group that I will find my voice even if it is just through writing.
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