I was sexually abused when I was around 9-11 by my older sister (+7 yrs) over a period of months, or possibly years. My damage was the result not of the sexual interaction, per se, but from the horrible, soul-crushing events that transpired when, sometime after she stopped, *I* tried to initiate that play with her...
It's about sexual power. I was robbed of it then and have spent my life feeling like I have none. I have great anxiety initiating or asking for sex with a partner, and have much difficulty refusing invitations for sex, even when I have no interest.
Mine was a massively fucked up family, but being upper class WASPs, nothing was EVER spoken, nothing was permitted to be in the open.
I buried all this - classic suppressed memory - until a deep conversation over coffee with a friend when I was at university broke the damn, and it came flooding back. I'm still damaged, and it is hard for me to trust, share, etc. with women.