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  1. Listening to this song has been helpful in allowing me to express and experience the emotions. One day you opened up your eyes inside of you Inside a world inside a universe you didn’t get to choose You didn’t get to pick the rules or pick the past or set the pace Or cast the cast and crew you didn’t get to pick your starting place And though it was a race you didn’t understand You simply lined up on the blocks and when the pistol popped you ran And when you tripped and dropped you picked yourself up off the ground And picked your scabs you knew you had to pick a plan to end what you began As you got older there were days of cold surrender Days of shrugged whatevers folded in with days of shocking splendor But as time advanced the lovely days were covered up from view By an advancing melancholy haze that hovered near the dew Yet there were moments There were these pure arresting moments when you stepped outside your head Outside your pain outside control, outside the bullshit, out of body, out of rage Outside the need to get it, get it, you will never get it, that’s okay Have you felt a little off today Had a lot to say But wound up talking to yourself? Have you hunted for a kindly ear But couldn’t find one near And wound up talking to yourself? Had a little spot where you been going through a lot Wanna shove it to the bottom but a trouble gonna bubble to the top Then the bubble gonna pop and the hustle never ever gonna stop Cause you get up in the morning get ahead then get to bed and then you do it all again until the moment that you drop You need a plot, what you wanna witness with this life you got You kicked and fought trynna get up in your skin and pick this lock That ticking clock lets you know that bit*h you got these situations witchu Issues someone fit to quick should sit you should down to talk Ever wonder who’s the crazy the one, people walking to work as if nothing is off But if a person really got it they would be cracking a bottle on somebody’s head and looting from shops Are there times you’re alone now when nobody’s home but you walk around muttering under your breath second shit saying goddammit goddammit goddammit just whispering soft Do you ever get lost, deep in your thoughts, tripping when you think about the cost of seeing this through When you tie your stomach into knots that you don’t know how to undo But do you ever have another moment after that, when you can see There’s no one way this has to be? Or maybe that’s just me
  2. This is the first thing I have been able to write. What happened is about a month old so it's very fresh. I was finally able to put some words down in a piece I call "Forward." I share it on here in the hopes that it will bring me catharsis and perhaps others some help and catharsis too. Forward I tell people I am managing I tell people I am okay-ish I tell people I am processing. I tell people I am staying busy. I tell people I am this, that, and the other thing I tell people: I am trying moving forward. Forward. Adverb. The Origin is from an Old English word meaning "toward the future" Currently defined as "toward a successful conclusion. Try. Adjective . The Origin is from an Old English word meaning "sift" Currently defined as "attempting to achieve or attain" So what I really tell people is: I am attempting to achieve or attain moving onward toward a successful conclusion. I am trying moving forward. Emphasis on trying. Because, well, because there is no successful conclusion. Not with this. Not with that. And not with the other thing. There's no time machine to end the loss. There's no futuristic tool to end the pain. The memories are there. But the rest isn't. I am trying to move forward. I really am trying. But forward isn't there.
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