waterlily13

Sitting with you 

Sending a hug your way. 

Sending you a hug too.

I get triggered very badly at times. I've recently discovered the Crappy Childhood Fairy's YouTube channel, she has a phrase I love: 'hamster wheel thoughts'! I've had a couple of bad nightmares lately, and during the day, at least once a day, I get 'attention' from men... Why won't they leave women alone? It sometimes derails me for the rest of the day, or of the evening, and if I'm at work, it makes me really angry and I can't focus and make mistakes. 

Absolutely!!! I have many hugs for you @waterlily13...and for as long as you need them!!!

Offering up the biggest hug I can. 

Sending you lots and lots of safe hugs. ❤️ 

Of course @waterlily13

Hope all is going as well as can be expected, friend - sending you positivity and lots of love. ❤️ 

@Capulet thank you so much friend❤️❤️❤️I’m struggling a lot this week and I don’t know why, I have T tomorrow and I’m glad, I just want to stay home and hibernate😴😞

I'm sorry to hear that you can't get out of bed.  I hope things get better soon.   Safe hug if okay.  😟

Thank you❤️It is so very appreciated, I’m doing a little better after a day of rest, it’s just been a hard few weeks

Plenty of hugs to spare.    

Sending you lots of hugs. 

Big hugs 

Thank you so much @Free2Fly @MeBeMary and @mini.finchI slept better last night so that's good, I'm so tired lately.  I'm trying to be kind to myself but it's hard.  The trigger was hard, and the memory it triggered from the night of my assault...I'm just so ashamed ofI'm gonna try to talk about it with T, but I have a feeling I'll dissociate.  It's so hard carrying this

I know it's hard to believe, but the shame is NOT yours. I hope talking to your T helps. Remember that you are braver than you know. If you don't believe it yourself, try to take my word for it. 

Will pocket-ride when you go see T. Supporting you.   

It's okay lilly, glad you got to sleep better.

Hope you can give yourself time to find comfort from this.

Still sitting with if needed and safe hugs if ok?

Sending you support. Very sorry you are struggling. 

Safe hugs.  

I'm sorry you are hurting

Thank you @MeBeMary and @snmls, I just don't know what to do with all the pain sometimes😓

Sitting with you and wishing you all the best, waterlily. ❤️ 

You are stronger than you know! Keep fighting, friend. 

Supporting you!  

Sending support. Hoping the anxiousness eases soon.  

Sitting with you waterlily, hope today is a better day 

I hope your EMDR was productive the other day.  Remember is shows how strong your are to take on this therapy.  Hang in there.

How did it go, waterlily? Sending you support!

@mini.finch it went well!  I'm going to post an update!  Thanks so much friend and also @Not Your Average Princess, that means a lot ❤️

Oh no. That's awful.  Sitting with you. I hope you feel better soon. ❤️ 

I'm sorry. I hope that you are feeling better. 

Thank you so much friends, feeling better today, so sick of chronic pain ugh

Sending you lots of hugs. ❤️ 

Thank you so much @MeBeMary @mini.finch @Celia, it helps so much

Sending a hug your way. 

Beautiful and so accurate.   

Thank you, Waterlily for sharing this.  

Thank you friend @MeBeMary 

Thank you so much @Capulet@MeBeMary, I could feel you guys sitting with me and it helped!!  It went really well, we worked on strategies to help me manage my anxiety and symptoms as we delve deeper into stuff.  I will write more later, I need to talk and process but it just sends my anxiety up so high, I'm sitting with all the emotions, they're hard but it's a good thing, but it's all just so exhausting sometimes.  I haven't really cried about my assault before, which sounds so ridiculous but I just can't seem to let myself feel enough to do it, it's just to much to feel, but I need to and I think I will get there if I keep working at this.

So glad to hear it went well @waterlily13! Sending you my fave bubble dude.

Thank you so much @AKB!  I love him!! ❤️ 

I'm sorry. I wish you didn't, as you are a wonderful person and worthy of good things. 

Sending you hugs and support, Waterlily.  

Thank you friend ❤️ I'm trying really hard to believe that, today feels a little better so that's good.  Hope you are well!

To clarify, maybe the angers always been there, but I'm finally letting myself feel it?  Ugh, feelings are hard😓

Sitting with you. ❤️ Anger is a tough emotion to feel. I've resisted feeling it against my abuser(s) for a long time, but it's such a valid and reasonable feeling to have...after going through what you have, it makes sense to be angry. You're not wrong for being angry. It's good you're letting it out finally. *safe hugs if ok* Do you have a therapist you can talk to and work through these emotions with? I wish you all the best, also with your healing from your injury. Take care. ❤️ 

Thanks so much @mini.finch❤️I do, she's really good and I really appreciate her, I'm meeting with her on Tuesday and I'm scared to talk about these things but I know I need too.  Thank you for your kind words they mean a lot❤️

Thanks friends💙

Always. ❤️ 

@Capulet thank you friend❤️ 

Sitting with you 

You're not alone - I'm here for you. And you know everyone here understands so you don't have to explain anything here. You're loved. 

Thanks @Field8@Poppy_ I needed to hear that, I'm feeling depressed and awful tonight😞

Sending hugs and support your way. Hoping sleep finds you in a restful, peaceful and rejuvenating way...and you will be ready to tackle the world tomorrow.    

Thanks @MeBeMary, I'm doing a little better today, it's all just a lot sometimes

Sitting with you and wishing you continued healing, friend.

Oh dear. I hope you'll be ok. The doctors will take good care of you. Sitting with you!!

Thank you all, I'm headed home, it looks like just a bad reaction to my antibiotic and I should be fine, I'm just exhausted and anxious😓

Oh no!  I hope you are feeling better now.  

I felt like that for a long time too. I always hated that person and how it made me feel, but at the same time I knew deep down that all that hate and anger wasn't who I was. It wasn't the person I was supposed to be. I didn't lash out at other but I did at myself. When I let those feelings and emotions get the better of me I felt like he was still winning, still controlling my life in some way. I didn't want to feel like they were a dark cloud following me my whole life. I'm not telling you what to feel, and I know those feelings you're having are justified but I will tell you that not letting those feelings get the better of you will help you heal and take control of your life again. Don't let him win.

It's okay to be angry. You are allowed to feel angry about what happened to you and mad that he doesn't have to live with the consequences. Allow yourself to feel those emotions when you need to. 

I'm sorry you're having bad nightmares lately.  I hope that they leave you. We're here for you. Sitting with you and sending lots of comfort. 

Thank you so much @MeBeMary and @mini.finch, it means a lot💜

Nightmares are terrible, but what helped me when they woke me up was taking a look around me, seeing that I was safe, I was happy and I was next to my partner who loves me and will keep me safe. Let the nightmare pass and know its only that. 

Sitting with you @waterlily13. I am so sorry you're feeling this way right now.

Thank you @AKB so much ❤️ 

Sitting with you to keep all the mean, scary things away.  Just know that you are very strong...the fact that you are seeking support, the fact that you opened up here proves you're strong. You don't deserve what happened to you. I'm so sorry for your pain. We're here for you. ❤️

Thank you so much friend ❤️ it's so appreciated ❤️ 

Im sorry your struggling, would you like company? 🧡

@BrightSide always!  Thank you friend💜

It can be. I am so sorry. Thinking of you ❤️

@Field8 @Iheartcupcakes thank you friends💜I got wrapped up in the shame and blame cycle last night, and the flashbacks are so painful and isolating, and I don't do a good job asking for help when I'm like that everything is just a lot right now I suppose

I'm sorry to hear this.  I hope the flashbacks have subsided by now.