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PearlofMary

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Everything posted by PearlofMary

  1. Dearest Capulet, I've been working on my 'puzzle' too for years. Little light bulbs illuminate a lot of pain and trauma and help in the journey. It's an awe - aha moment and it makes all the difference going forward. You do wonderful blogging. I hope you have a string of lights to follow and darkness flees, in Jesus' name . - POM
  2. This is isn't easy.  Ever.  But the truth is, I'm able to help because of this.  There's no permanent, irrefutable peace involved in any of it.  My family suffered for decades because of it.  I still harbor grief in that alone, yet when a woman who's lost her children to foster care steps into my life, i know I can help her.  When a woman who experienced an iota of what I have comes through, it's that too.  God has a plan for each of us.  Reminding myself often that THIS IS NOT MY HOME...is the best remedy next to the truth of the GOd in heaven who exists in my heart.  jesus experienced extreme torture...and THEN died on the cross which was extreme cross torture for he basically suffocated.  Yet, after He rose again, He took charge.  Praise God.  He sits at the right hand of God and He will come again to judge the living and the dead.  I PRAY for the perps that destroyed me and my family.  That's all i can do.  I pray for the city "judges' who gossip about me and tried in their own way to destroy me.  And i cry for the loss of my precious family both as a child and as an adult.  I claim the victory of this...My children are Born again Christians who KNOW Jesus loves them.  While we don't have the greatest love relationship, we have a relationship and talk together at times.  They don't understand the events of the past.  but that's ok for me.  I just want you to know, I love you...for who you are.  You're not alone...and that, while I have difficulty counseling to this, I pray for you.  And most of all, I pray you come to know Jesus as your savior.  We'll all leave this earth someday.  Perhaps soon.  If this is my only opportunity to introduce you to God....let this be an opportunity.  Jesus is real.  God is LOVE.  Period.  He does not PUT these heinous crimes on us.  It is the work of Satan.  The worst deception of Satan is to blame God...and further separate our LOrd from his dear children.   Satan now tries to erase God from our hearts and destroy our minds.  Live knowing God loves you.  LIve Victoriously.  You can, every time you reach out to help another victim of this horrible crime.  Victory isn't a cheerleaders tune.  Sometimes it's fierce and angry...and it fights for the right to be heard.  Many times it is.  Sometimes its silent and gentle and holds a hand.  Victory is love to another who knows the suffering and leading the way for them.  Blessings. -POM

  3. @Lonelygirl13 I'm sorry it's a rough storm, but like all the storms of life, it has highs and lows...and even stops sometimes. You don't have to be alone. I'm sorry it's so hard. Use your supports as much as you can and as often as you need. This pain is horrific and it doesn't seem to get easier, but it will. If you have faith, turn to it. It makes it so much better. I took well over 40 years just to accept it and to understand, even as I had a patented excuse, my behavior still had to change. I fought and drank my way through and nearly destroyed myself. 🌺 I couldn't find a rose,
  4. PearlofMary

    Still

    @jessica329 Thank you for sharing that. Blessings. -POM
  5. PearlofMary

    Still

    I'm doing ok but still... I want to know I'm not alone. I want to know this isn't just my problem...though I hate it belongs to anyone. I want to know peace and hope so well. I'm uncomfortable with peace and hope. I love the life I have. It's hard but still, I am stronger for it...and I am a better warrior. Still. -POM
  6. Welcome @Navias85 I like your acronym too, or acrostic. It's a beautiful statement that leads to recovery. I'm sorry for the trauma and wish it weren't. You are strong and courageous. You will see just how strong someday. You've found a good place to come. -POM Forgive the pearls...can't get them out of there
  7. TO ALL THE COURAGEOUS ... TO ALL THE PEARLS... TO YOU!!!!!

     

    Matthew 13:44-46 ~  Again, the kingdom of heaven is like unto a merchant man, seeking goodly pearls: Who, when he had found one pearl of great price, went and sold all that he had, and bought it.

    It is estimated that out of three tons of pearl oysters, only about three of them will have a perfectly-formed pearl. Given everything that is required in order for a pearl to develop, it’s not surprising that so few are produced. An oyster’s shell is made from an organ called the mantle. Using minerals from the oyster’s food as an energy source, the mantle expands, which leads to the shell’s growth. The interior of the shell is lined with a material called nacre, which is also produced by the mantle. In order for a pearl to develop, an irritant–typically a parasite of some sort–must situate itself between the oyster’s shell and mantle. When this particle sets in, it irritates the oyster and, in an effort to protect itself, the mantle begins to cover the foreign object with layers of nacre. As time passes, these layers eventually form a pearl. Typically, this takes about three to five years. (This according to ehow.com)

    Is it any wonder real pearls are so costly! A jewel in the house of the Lord is much the same.  Out of the congregation of the Lord it is said that only 10% are doing the actual work of the ministry, for which I tend to agree from my travels. They are rare and priceless. It is not to say that many others are not beautiful people making great contribution, but the pearls are those hand selected by God out of an ocean of possibilities.

    They’ve gotten there through great irritation!

    Be successful in leadership and you’ll understand completely how that pearl gets formed. Every struggle in the ministry, attack of Satan, complaint from the people, personal struggle, sickness and distraction is an irritant that has to be covered. There’s work to be done. So sometimes you wear a “slimy” smile that feels icky but it covers up the pain in your core. And before long that problem is smoothed over and you can rest a while until another issue arises and another layer of kindness or understanding is needed to get through. And much like that iridescent shine created on the pearl as layer after layer of nacre are made, a successful leader begins to shine too.

    Successful leaders are not people who have their world completely in hand and under control. Oh contraire! Many, if not most that I know, are exactly the opposite. They have the same issues as everyone else if not worse but they choose to put them aside for the greater cause; which is the people of God and service to the Lord.

    They’ve gotten there through many intervals

    True leadership is not appointed by position, it’s positioned by appointment. It takes experience to be a leader, and most of those experiences have been a divine appointment from the Creator to train His leaders. Often times because of the politics of the day people are appointed into positions they are not qualified to have, and it inevitably wreaks havoc on an organization.  It takes time to become a great leader.

    They’re not imitations

    Man can create a pearl that looks almost as lovely as the real deal, but the real pearls are rare, priceless, heavily sought and have gotten to that point by years of heartache and struggle. Successful leaders are those who use the irritants of life as a polish their personalities. They identify with understand the struggles of those they lead because they’ve been there. Just as our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ does.

    Are you a pearl of great price? Perhaps you’re still in the formation stage. Use those irritants of life to polish yourself into a leader that can be used for the Kingdom’s glory. Amen!

  8. PearlofMary

    Intimidation

    I just read an article about bullying/intimidation. There is no worse intimidation than "r". Overcoming what happened, while not easy, may not be the hardest thing to take to task. Overcoming hatred from others for their indifference. Have you ever experienced an attitude of "I'm better than you?" when you've shared. Or have you been told, "that's a lie?" or "If that happened, why did you live promiscuously?" However, this article talked on a biblical way to deal with intimidation. It comes from The Sermon on the Mount...the most incredible sermon. I'm sharing it. I"m reaching out to a
  9. PearlofMary

    Sometimes

    I've been struggling for some time with an issue....let's just say Chocolate...and I stopped going there for a time...a couple of weeks. Life was good. Suddenly, it's all about chocolate again, literally. I'm not ashamed or mad; just apathetic. Yet I reconsider or briefly Consider my behavior before I do it. tonight I read a note that made good sense. "Our actions won't change, until we change our minds". (Joyce Meyer, Battlefield of the Mind.) I came to the conclusion, I'm afraid of an attack - spiritual attack. Nearly as bad as a physical or verbal attack...it puts you on guard. I
  10. PearlofMary

    Sometimes

    Very unsettled today. I didn't take meds yesterday. It's a love/hate war with them. No reason. Not addicting. I don't like to be reliant on them. I want my peace to be my peace, not synthetic. I took it now and it'll be better soon. I'm so thankful now for this site. It seemed a little daunting at first...but the more the burden lifts, the more pain it seems to be. I need to be near you..people who understand. Others try...but dont. I"m called Manic by people who don't know me as well as they think, a liar by family...people who should know better and stupid by the users in my lif
  11. Welcome back! I did the same. I came a long time ago. I didn't even remember the name. I returned now and it's getting easier and brighter all the time. Good people with a great deal of encouragement...compassion, experience. You're not alone. -POM
  12. Welcome @awake123! It's good to be here. take your time to look around. You are not alone. Nor do you ever have to feel that...there are wonderful people here. I'm sorry for the sorrow and struggles you've been through. Always I'm open to listen. I hope to see you here a lot. -POM
  13. WElcome @TeaLove! You have courage to make strides in recovery...this is another step. My two charges are now married with children. I'm a grandma of 4 now. It was a long haul. I dealt with amnesia, schizoaffective disorder and multiple hospitalizations...along with a family situation with siblings. Tonight i had a long talk with my sister and opened a wound...not a big one, but we cleared the air a little. It's progress...I hope you find everything you need to help you on the journey and I pray I can be a part of that. -POM
  14. @tgdouglas11 I'm very proud of you. I know, who am I? But I am proud of you for fighting so hard. I've come close a few times...always slipping back. But it's progress, not perfection. PTSD is a complicated battle with many set backs. Trust in your faith system and developing a support group are two vital needs. I'm still unsure of this site and if any advice is not good. I want to help. It's the only thing that keeps me sane. Please forgive me if I err. - POM
  15. In my heart and thoughts....You're not alone...never alone. - POM
  16. PearlofMary

    Sometimes

    BAM!!! SLamming a door, banging a cupboard, beating a countertop....that's today.
  17. Welcome. You are not alone. Always know that... - POM
  18. PearlofMary

    Sometimes

    Sometimes...I have clarity of mind. Almost three years ago, I was made an outcast in my town. I did not know why. I'm not saying I didn't do anything wrong. It was a cold day in October and it remained cold until about a week ago. My old friend came up and hugged me while a short time before, she, too, rejected me. I'm ok now. I'm stronger for it. I still don't know why but I may have a clue. To exemplify...because of the diagnosis of schizo=affective disorder and the torment of a voice I didin't understand, I shut out the world. No TV, no radio other than Christian, no secular books
  19. PearlofMary

    Sometimes

    Sometime life is painful. Add a rape ...add another...add alcohol...become a w**re...oh crud...life kinda stinks. No Ward & June life here. Add God...it gets better, but I came face to face with their choices vs. my choices. I made the mistakes, in spite of the "Why's" and the "who's and the "What fors"...I failed to read the bible and I suffered a little more...because Satan doesn't let it lie down and cry. He attacks "IT"...the sinful creature... Walk away and satan has to let go. So long as you walk to God. My pc erased a bit but the gist is still here. Too h
  20. Welcome, Cmerlotts . You are not alone....whatever you need to heal, it's a beautiful group... -POM
  21. PearlofMary

    Sometimes

    I've shared alot...not everything, here, as in other places. It still scares me. to think 'they're out there'. The family of peds...are out there and doing damage to me in here. I'm so paranoid they see and hear. I don't know who they are. I know they're creepy people. And worse, I may know them. And only because I don't know for sure, I am 'nice' to them. The daughter stared at me, not knowing I noticed and smirked. She's older than I am, but once upon a time, the playing field was leveled and, if her, she was forced as I to do unspeakable things...only she was brainwashed worse tha
  22. PearlofMary

    'The Tale'

    aperson - I can only relate to this well. 30 years of revolving door therapy and hospitalizations....there is a record of something that happened...no proof of the rape...except in my memory. One therapist stated that they have best to treat it as though it happened and figure it out as they go....paraphrased. Funny thing is; that therapist dogged me. For lack of a better word. I worked on a personal relationship with Jesus to help me sort things out. They were so confusing for me as well. Now I kind of understand....I'd hate to say I completely understand... I was 5, too, and still alo
  23. PearlofMary

    Sometimes

    Rare that I stay up to clean It seems like a woman thing. I didn't like women for years. Grandmas...ok. Children yes, but women, I didn't like them at all. Especially in make up. I don't know for sure why. I think it had something to do with the feel of it when I first tried to wear it. I hated the mask. Random thoughts of nothing...just calming by middle of the night cleaning frenzy to a quiet breath. Thanks for listening....soon I will interact. -POM
  24. PearlofMary

    Sometimes

    I sometimes feel like chastising myself for the things I have done wrong....other times, I just want to celebrate the victories! Like today, I did mow the lawn...5th time on a rider all life long. It's scary for me....no 4 wheeler in the past, no tractor, no cycle...just me and this 'monster' lawn mower....on an uneven surface at times with waves of plain....I did it...and I got somewhere, it's not done...I stopped in the middle for a break and cried a bit, but I did it. And I went out again to do more. It sounds so wimpy...it is. But I still think a little like a 5 year old inside. Wher
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