Kmkz

I have to go in for STD and pregnancy tests tomorrow morning. Freaking out about that. How did I get myself into that situation? Why didn’t I stop him? I could have...or maybe I wouldn’t have been able to. I’m all sorts of messed up right now.

Feeling human again instead of like a depressed zombie.

Got almost everything on my to-do list done, feeling accomplished! 

Coming back to AS after several years away

Feeling so alone and now it is confirmed

Going to therapy for the first time in months. Wish me luck.

Memories are hitting hard

Pocket riders needed for tomorrow.  Attending a family gathering and there will be in attendance some family members I do NOT wish to see.  

Oh, and Lucy?  Pencil me in for Sunday, please!!!  

Been so angry all day. And mostly at myself. I get up the courage to do something and then I break down in the middle of it and then feel stupid and worthless. Gonna try and calm down and hopefully sleep but 5 hours seems to be it. But I guess it's better than nothing.

Making my father's cremation and burial at sea plans the last couple of days has been beyond hard. I wanted to help and asked to take this burden from my aunt. My father and other family lives in California and I am in Texas. I can't do much and I hate it. This aunt is his caregiver because of that. It was worse than I thought it would be. I have just been nauseated and sad. I know it's not SA-related although my father was abusive in every other way in my childhood. But I have tried to have a relationship in latter years and I do love him. It's bleeding into everything else. I feel like 36 is too young to lose a parent...and it hurts so much. 

i want to give up.

I hate when my therapist says things like "that sounds like self destructive behavior" mostly because I am annoyed at how transparent I am 

I’m sorry for being MIA lately. With the anniversary dates, falling on thanksgiving day no less, and the appeal possibly expiring or moving forward at the same time, I haven’t been much good to anyone, even myself. I just want you all to know how special you are to me and that I’m comitted and grateful for AS. 

Hi All,

Haven't been online for a few years (or more).

Just wanted to say "hi" and hope to bump into old friends and meet some new friends 

Things are getting too hard

I could sleep for a week!! - can I sleep for a week??

nothing makes sense anymore. im afraid

"Sometimes, when things appear to be falling apart, they may actually be falling into place."

- Unknown.  But I believe it.  

Thinking about talking to someone on the rainn online hotline but the wait is long and I am so on edge. Uhggg this is a shit show

Honestly I'm just so sick of it life is so crappy right now...  

I'm anxious today worried about so much, but keep pushing myself to finish what I started.

So hard to get out of bed the past few days. All I want to do is sleep and cuddle with my dogs. That's it. I don't want to work; I don't have the brain power. I don't want to talk to people; they can't make me better. Sleep does...unless I have more nightmares. Just feeling so very drained...

feel worthless and small. feel unwell physically lately

Nothing is really up—in fact, things have been pretty calm for a week or so.  And yet, I feel like crying.  WTH, emotions!!??  

Just know that if you are here to do AS or any of my friends here harm, I will come for you. 

That is all