Status Updates posted by Anonymous75
I don't know what to do with my life now. I don't know what to do to provide for myself better financially and gain independence from my horrible mother. My PTSD is pretty disabling at times right now. I'm not even sure if I am up to this seasonal retail job I started last week. I wasn't able to work yesterday or today due to being hideously stressed out. My mind feels so fragile right now.
All I have wanted for the past 10 years or so is to recover to the point where I can get some years of stability under my belt enough to feel like I could become a good parent to at least one child. But I am on meds that can't even be taken at the time of conception, so I would have to find a surrogate or adopt. And I was just looking into the surrogacy thing out of curiosity, and I see that on their applications they do ask about mental health stuff. Even if I come to be in remission for some time, I might not even be able to have my own child through surrogacy. It's very painful to still be having health problems, too. I am already 42 years old.
Today is a day like so many others. I feel taxed by my childhood traumas and related emotional pain. I know I need to reach for some balancing mechanisms, like listening to music I like or cleaning my place, etc.; but at the moment I'm just sitting with the feelings. In a weird way I am still confronting the reality of everything I've been through. It's so hard to believe this has been my life. I wish I knew why these things happened. I mean, I guess I know; but it seems like people should be more able to stop these things from happening. I feel tremendous sadness for women all over the world. Tremendous, tremendous sadness. It's just not right. And it makes me want to go to Law School and try to change policy at least in the U.S. Whomever is reading this today--thank you. I hope you are having a good day, and I'm sorry that you had a reason to come to this site.
I'm sorry you have a reason to be here, too, Karen. This world can be so unfair. Monsters live among us. Others that are tolerant of monsters live here too. It is sad that this goes on and continues to go on. It is not fair and it is not right. I do hope one day that these abuses are considered reprehensible as they should be.
Thank you for your thoughtfulness for others. to you, if ok.
Just hoping I can get through the day okay. I didn't shower again today because it is just such a chore for me. Wish that washing and drying my hair wasn't so difficult.