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Bluesclues

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Status Updates posted by Bluesclues

  1. Hi, just checking in. Hope you’re doing okay. 

  2. Alexithymia

    the inability to connect with, name, and communicate emotions

    1. snmls

      snmls

      yup, I Definitely have that.  Didn't know there was a name for it. 

    2. Bluesclues

      Bluesclues

      @snmls I didn’t either!! That’s why I posted it 😁

      I like that’s there’s a word for it, I’m not alone with it, there are enough people with it for there to be a word

  3. Hi, I hope you're doing okay. Safe hugs! 

    1. ski.t

      ski.t

      Hi Blues. Thanks for checking in- that was incredibly kind of you. Sorry I didn’t respond, just trying to stay above water for now. 

    2. ski.t

      ski.t

      @Bluesclues I hope your move has gone smoothly, you’re settled in, and doing well. ❤️

  4. So I moved to El Paso, TX for a job. I am trying to get to know the community so I found this flyer for a potluck that a House Rep was hosting, she really cared about the community and really wants to help in any way possible. I want to do more to advocate for R/SA and stuff like that. Um I've been crazy busy and don't have data because of the drive across the country, which was amazing! I love the mountains! Sooo much different from Florida! And the people here are very friendly, I felt very comfortable and at home the first day I arrived, it honestly feels like I was meant to be here. I've made a bunch of great connections so I, I don't even know what to say. I love it here and feel so fortunate. I'm kind of struggling with the financial aspect but yolo, its hw you learn right? #adulting yay! This adventure has been really amazing and I feel like things are looking up, I think I made a great choice.

    I miss and love you all! So many safe hugs, I'll be back on more often in November! You are all always on my mind!!! SAFE HUGSSSSSSS X A BILLION!!

    1. Show previous comments  3 more
    2. Bluesclues

      Bluesclues

      Thank you for the hugs @ActivistAlly @Free2Fly and @Juniperberry1900

      I actually made two friends today and held kittens also possibly got a jo at this super chill café/restaurant. It's been a pretty good day so far. Thank you all.

       

    3. ActivistAlly

      ActivistAlly

      Wow that's wonderful @Bluesclues :dance:

    4. Bluesclues

      Bluesclues

      It is. I'm very relieved it isn't hard to settle in here. Thank you for the celebrating banana hahah! @ActivistAlly

  5. I feel like I won't ever be unconditionally loved or find the love of my life. I am only 21, but it just seems so daunting. Everyone I've been close to I've either put a wall up or it's tragically fallen apart. I don't think I'll ever be able to let anyone love me or me love them. 

    1. Show previous comments  4 more
    2. Bluesclues
    3. ActivistAlly

      ActivistAlly

      If you've never felt unconditionally loved than it might be inner child related?  We are all here supporting you.  As Mary says, you are worthy of love, to accept it and receive it.  (((((((((((((hugs))))))))))))

    4. Bluesclues

      Bluesclues

      I'll bring this up next week in therapy. Thank you. @ActivistAlly

  6. Seeing a new therapist today. Little nervous. 

    1. Show previous comments  9 more
    2. Bluesclues

      Bluesclues

      @StrugglingMama she brought up in the session that she didn't "feel a vibe" and I asked her to explain and she just said that there wasn't a connection and some people don't like her approach, she's been doing this for 23 years so the people that don't like it move on. The practice is busy and I'm not anywhere near her most worrisome patient. So. 

    3. StrugglingMama

      StrugglingMama

      Then move along IMO

       

    4. Bluesclues

      Bluesclues

      Yeah. Probably am. Thanks @StrugglingMama

  7. Have you ever thought about your "good days" and ever compared it to other people's "good days"? For some people our "good days" are other people's "worst days". It upsets me but also amazes me how resilient our minds and bodies are and we keep fighting. We keep winning. 

    1. limbodante

      limbodante

      Yeah, but that's like being 4 feet tall and comparing your ability to get stuff off the top shelf to a person six feet tall :P Only compare your good days to your bad days. That's not only the only comparison that matters but the only measure you have any control over :)

  8. I really want to be reckless tonight. He texted me. He's in my town. He lives an hour away. Why is he in my town? Did the detectives talk to him? They haven't called me. It's been 10 business days, they said they would call after seven? Do they not care? Am I already a lost file? A lost report? Was I too strong when I told her what happened? Does he know I reported him? Is he setting me up? I wish I knew how everything worked. What's going on? Why is he trying to contact me? Leave me alone. But I want him. He's  so strong. He's so tall. He's gorgeous. I loved when we would kiss and how he would hold me and the way we danced. He said he loved me. Did he mean it? He said he loved me. I hadn't heard those words in I don't even know how long. Why did he said he loved me? 

    1. Show previous comments  1 more
    2. Bluesclues

      Bluesclues

      Thanks @Free2Fly thank you for the hugs!! :hug:

    3. Dahliaa

      Dahliaa

      Safe hugs as well :hug: You are not alone in this feeling. I've felt it so many times before. I want my friend back too. He hurt you and therefore, doesn't deserve you. Men like that love to con women. They tell women what they think they want to hear, in hopes of getting what they want out of them. Master manipulators. You are so strong :) 

    4. Bluesclues
  9. I didn't know where to put this so I'm just putting it as a status update.

    I still live at home and my mom got a job offer in Dallas, Texas which is maybe 500 miles from where I live. I'm tired of my city/town not because it isn't a good place to live, I love it but I hate having to drive past where I was TW assaulted, I hate thinking that I could run into either of those assholes, I'm still angry with the teachers that I had talked to, they offered to buy me drinks this summer on my 21st, but I doubt they would even remember my birthday was this summer. I want to get away from this all. Yet I also wan to get away from my parents. It isn't healthy at home. I can't stand my father, not even knowing he's near the house/me. TW about six years ago he tried to make me kill him. We've never had a relationship. I need to get out of the house but I don't make enough money to even afford an apartment with roommates.But I love to explore and travel, I've never been to Texas and who knows I might meet someone amazing but I could also meet incredibly awful people. And what about school? Gosh. School. I can't get anywhere with the grades I have right now at my community college. That scares me. I don't know what to do.. I just need other perspectives or advice.

    1. Show previous comments  1 more
    2. Bluesclues

      Bluesclues

      Oh I'll also have to find a new therapist... How did I forget about that?

      @MeBeMary This could be the break from my parents, I love my job here and no one could replace me until next year. I would have to stay until the end of August. Dallas could have amazing opportunities and be a really great change and a new start/new identity. But what if it's lonely?:shrug: I don't think I make friends easily, it's hard to let people in, I don't know how to socialize. Ugh.Thank you for your support!  :wub:

      I could really use a hug right now so i guess I'll go workout or eat.

    3. MeBeMary

      MeBeMary

      It is a lot to consider, and I am sure you will figure out what is right for you. Either way, this will be a change for you. I can't help with workouts or eating, but definitely can supply hugs. :)

      :hug:

      :hug:

      :hug:

      :hug: 

      Let me know if you need more.

    4. Bluesclues

      Bluesclues

      BFUDUBRGVDFJVJDFN Thank you again @MeBeMary that's an over load of hugs haha! I'm going to get ready to go to the gym, I think my parents just got home.

  10. The cop told me that because I didn't say no after we woke up it technically and she just made this face like it's a gray area. No it is not a gray area. I had said no before we fell asleep. Just because it had been a couple hours since I had said no doesn't mean there's consent. I let him because I wanted him to not hate me. I don't even know. I don't know. I'm so stupid. I didn't want it. But I didn't say anything. 

    1. MeBeMary

      MeBeMary

      You are not stupid. Our reactions vary, but they are what we do to get thru the moment. I never said no at all, but there still was no consent. He even pressured me to thank him, which I eventually did, but consent was not there either. It is not your fault that their is a lack of justice in the justice system. I truly hate that legal does not always  match the moral, because there is no doubt what happened to you was wrong.

      Sitting with you.

    2. Bluesclues

      Bluesclues

      Thank you. I needed to hear that.  :throb:

    3. MeBeMary

      MeBeMary

      You are very welcome. :) 

  11. I couldn't sleep last night and I'm worried I made the wrong decision by reporting. 

    1. MeBeMary

      MeBeMary

      You were brave to report. I'm sorry that it isn't working out like it should, but you are very brave.

    2. Bluesclues

      Bluesclues

      Thank you :throb:

  12. I'm at the police station and the receptionist I spoke to had told me that the female sheriff was just called out but she could call her and tell her what's going on. She left. Then she came out to where I was sitting and asked if I was the victim. And fuck. That hurt. Coming from a stranger. And admitting it to a stranger. 

    1. Show previous comments  23 more
    2. Bluesclues

      Bluesclues

      I stayed. I got a lot done today. It's been exhausting and I still have to teach lessons and coach. So. Drained. 

    3. snmls

      snmls

      That was really brave of you. 

    4. Bluesclues
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