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howlieowl
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Everything posted by howlieowl
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I appreciate the kind words, the support, and the understanding. I try my hardest to honor my feelings, respect the healing process. I guess it the conditioning Im trying to undo. The constant blaming and guilt can wear on me. Working on connecting the heart and mind to release things as my therapist advised but Im not ready yet. Out of words. Just thank you.
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I'm trying to understand and come to accept that I truly only have a one real best friend. I'm also trying to understand and accept that I don't have a family. Yes, I have a family I was born into but I have never considered anyone my real family. I was so very different from all of them. I cry when I'm hurt, they don't. They see tears as weakness and I was verbally and physically abused because I cried and I cried because I was being bullied. I loved to draw, my birth mother considered this a means to profit off of and also forced me to draw for my abuser instead of it just letting it be my g
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im sorry for what has brought your here. you will find tremendous amount of support from so many people. i wish you much luck on your journey in healing.
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welcome ressa. i am sorry for what has brought you here but know you are not alone here. you are amongst survivors who are so very supportive of each other. i hope being here will help in some way with your healing.
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I havent written in a while. My mind has been other places. Lately Ive been too afraid to read post from anyone. Its like seeing the words from others' stories, seeing my story, Ive not had the courage. Sure, Ive gone about my daily busy, socialized, laughed, joked around. But, I am very proficient at hiding my feelings from my past. Often times, the only way to know Im bothered is the fact that I get quiet but even then, Im a quiet person by nature. My memories have been on my mind, my feelings of guilt, wondering why didnt I do this or that. Ive been rolling without a therapist for over a ye
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going to bed late again, waking up often again, waking up early in the morning...again. does it end? *sigh*
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as i grow older (and wiser) i come to see the power of unity, love, and smiling more. can change my day one smile at a time.
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hello blub and welcome to AS. i am sorry for what has brought you here but, i hope you find all the support anyone can ask for here. there are great people that lend awesome guidance and smiles. know your not alone here, we believe you and support you.
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hi cali girl, I'm glad you found the site. I hope you find awesome support here that will help you on your continued healing process.
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trying to find the energy to sleep but too afraid to close my eyes right now.
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@Painnbrokenonly got about 5hrs but i still woke up in the mind of it. *sigh* thanks for sitting with pain. hope you get some type rest as well.
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@limbodante thanks for sitting with me limbo. it is the worse.
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So today started good but ended bad for me. Since jointing this site, I’ve opened myself up to release memories and emotions I’ve always found a way to avoid. Mentally I’ve been all over the place, not balanced. My wife has been loving and patient with me for almost 12 years (something I am forever grateful for) but I still struggle being intimate with her. I’m in a constant state of being triggered. I have a safe word when I have a flashback but I’ve been so stuck with fear and disappointment I don’t say anything. I sometimes wish she would move on from me, find someone with less problems. Fo
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hello mindfulness, welcome. i very sorry for what brought you here. i understand things are tough right now and i wish they werent. im glad youre here to get the supportt thats offered here. i truly hope you find healing here.
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welcome Bobbi. i hope you find some comfort on this site to help with your healing. your not alone in your struggle and your growth and your healing.
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thank you for kind words and support hawk. im learning that it is a constant uphill battle to heal. im just stumbling so much lately, but i havent stopped climbing. all i can say is thank you, thank you so much for believing in me. (smiling through tears)
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thank you for the welcome struggling.
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Day after telling my story, I feel somber. A little relief, sadness, heartache, freeing, anger, numbness. I always feel the numbness and anger the most. It's the easiest emotions to tap into when I don't want to think about what happened to me. I have this place called my "happy place". I can be whoever I want and do whatever I want. I'm not here in this world relieving my abuse over and over again. I've lived in this world for so long, I fall into it more than living in reality. It's so safe there, everyone loves me, I'm protected, most of the time I'm protecting someone. Life is easy there.
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So, I'm at a place of limbo. Its been 20 years since my sexual abuse. I've been in and out of therapy, I've tried talking with so-called family members, my wife. I won't say that talking with my wife hasn't been helpful, but I'm stuck. I've been through so many ups and downs, more downs but through it all I've tried to be as positive as I can be. I've been very afraid of doing thing like group therapy, which is sort of how I view this site. Afraid I would read other stories and get trapped in my past memories again. How would I view my past compared to others? Is my trauma any less than others
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welcome not sure yet. im sorry for what has happened to you. i do hope you find all the support you can handle here. youre not alone any more not sure yet and i wish you nothing but the best on your healing process.
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Thank you so much Kris for the kind words, i appreciate it. and thank you for the hugs and kitty snuggles. so far everyone has been nothing but supportive and i look forward to much more of it.
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Hi Amanda, i hope you find healing on this site. Everyone ive come across in my short time here has been so supportive and i know you will experience the same. Im very sorry for what happened to you and i hope you can begin to find peace here.
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hi mary. thank you so much for your kind words and support.
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Thank you very much for the support.
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Thank you very much for the support. It feels good knowing im not alone in this healing process.
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Thank you so much for the support.
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hi ash. im new as well and in just so many minutes ive received so much support too. i wish you all the best in your journey to healing.
. Sending comforting Zzzzzs your way for some relaxing sleep in your future.