howlieowl

Im sitting up the night before my first therapy appt. (again), can't sleep so I'm reading articles from the day. I come across this https://www.usatoday.com/story/news/2018/06/13/sarah-mcbride-gay-survivors-helped-launch-me-too-but-rates-lgbt-abuse-largely-overlooked/692094002/ and i felt it touched home for me. now i know i shouldn't be reading this stuff, which i didn't in a way. it was more the headline spoke to me of my situation. it wasn't long after i came out in college that my r*** happened. the people in my circle knew and were cool with it, though i will say this sorority i thought a

Well its been a very long while. Have to say Ive been avoiding being on here for many reasons. I got to a good place and felt I didn't need to be on here much. As with many things, my past came back. I admit I handled some areas better than I thought. For example, Ive always had this issue with bullies, not standing up for myself. Well before I started my new job (which I left because the guy there was a perv to women, especially teenage girls), I asked for a similar situation. I asked for it because I wanted a chance to have another opportunity to stand up for myself in the face of adversity.

I'm wondering if I'm being stand-offish lately. Not so much with people i meet offline but with being on here. Ive just been having this feeling of not wanting to participate in general discussions. Im still struggling with my past but when i log on i find myself sitting in front of the screen watching the curser blink. The part of me that used to get on and read post seems very reluctant to do so and i don't know why. i miss the interactions I've had with the people I've met here. I'm stuck. at times i begin to type something then erase it and log off. maybe going back into therapy will help

hi @purplessorry for what has brought you here. i do hope you find much comfort and support with the members. wish you all the best on your journey in healing.

hello @Hecate. im sorry for what has brought you here. i do hope you find much comfort and support from the members.

ive been in a stretch with not thinking too much about my past. ive been reliving it somewhat recently. ive had encounters with difficult people, facing rejection, standing up for myself against those i normally cower from. the list continues. sometimes im successful, sometimes im not. i do know that by facing those similar events again, i do feel a little better after. the encounters when im uncomfortable around certain men hasnt changed. still feel frozen and scared and that fear locks on strong. im still struggling with my temper as well. im having reliving to deal with a mean and difficult

this was awesome. I really needed to read this and every point resonated with me. great blog

thank you @limbodante. ill definitely give it a try.

do you believe youre strong? do you believe youre beautiful? dont you believe your smart, intelligent? these are just some questions ive been asked many times. inside i answer with an obvious no. but i tell people, "i guess" or "i dont know". or ill cover it up by pretending to be cocky with "of course"! i dont believe any of it. somewhere along the line in my life my belief in self, people, or anything died. rarely do i remember being told i was beautiful. when i got As, sure i was told i was smart. but getting a B or C, . i believed in my birth mother, epic fail. i believed i could tel

you, your future, your awesome little man are some bright spots. this will be beaten. shed your tears to cleanse the soul to begin anew. your happiness awaits, one more hurdle to leap. always with you

hello and welcome. i hope you find much support understanding and comfort here.

Thank you, i appreciate it.

moments like today and previous days re-enforce the feeling that i will be alone. im without my foundation, have been for over two months now. nothing i say or do seems to work at getting her back. i secretly cry but pretend to her face im okay. its hard, very hard, knowing im the reason she doesnt want to be with me. ive been fighting since i was a toddler for love and when ive finally found it, i figured i was safe. but every day ive always had this feeling she would leave. i know im a f up, i know that. ive been trying so hard to be better and she told me if i try she would always be there.

welcome, welcome. i wish you much success and happiness on your journey in healing.

i wish you much success on your journey to healing. may you find much support, understanding, and acceptance here.

Hi @Disrupted Amazon. I hope you find much peace, comfort, understanding, and happiness here. All the best to you on your healing journey.

hey @Kkhateera, welcome. im sorry for what has brought you. i hope you find peace, comfort, understanding, and happiness on your journey.

welcome @Debbie20. i am very sorry for what happened to you. i hope you find peace, comfort, and understanding being here.

my csa made me feel weak, disgusted, homicidal, suicidal, extreme fear, immense emotional and physical pain, alone, vulnerable, empty, hopeless. my rape made me feel nothing during. before scared, frozen, lost, empty. after i felt shaken, disgusted, physical pain and sore, alone, hopeless. i felt as if no one would believe me because i went to his house. i felt i had to act like it didnt happen otherwise people will see what happened.

so most people will say im crazy for even thinking or believing this but, ive died four times...in my dreams. so i believe that when we dream we experience things outisde this world we live in with other souls. i believe this is why we can recognize someone in reality and not know where you saw them before. so, the first two dreams ive had was years ago but i remember them like it happened two minutes ago. i was standing up to this bully, some guy, and i remember being shot in the chest. i remember feeling the burning sensation, feeling my blood leave my body, feeling my life come to an end as

i told my wife most of everything about my csa and r***. ive told my cousin, my brother, my birth father W, my uncle, my godmother, my former best friend, and my aunt years after it happened. i chose them because i thought they loved me and would finally give me the support i needed growing up. W was livid and wanted to do something irreversible. my cousin was a little upset but doesnt mention it. my former best friend was sorry it happened but our friendship was never the same, now we barely talk. my uncle didnt say or do anything. my godmother was very upset about the news and my a

so i had a dream not too long along ive been analyzing for a while. its similar to a few ive had recently about B (my birth mother). more often than not, other family members are there, my aunt, my cousin, and sometimes my grandmother who passed. im still me at my age of 32 but it seems like a different time and place. the gist of the dream is me expressing my pain, my hurt, my rage at her and everyone else for letting me down, teasing me, abusing me physically and verbally. sometimes im crying in the dream and i feel physical pain from the hurt which i still wake up with. but the strangest th

welcome @Queen P. i hope you find much support on here. i wish you much peace, happiness, and comfort on your journey to healing.

welcome @in_time. im sorry for what has brought you here. i wish you much peace, strength, and calm on your journey in healing. know you are never alone on here for there is much support from many members.