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heroine33

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    Survivor

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  1. Your story no matter how mild it is compared to others is still important. Don't be afraid to reach out for help. When you are ready you will have many people here willing to help. I myself still feel a bit uncomfortable but this desire to overcome this makes helps me find courage. The more you talk about it the better you will feel. Welcome! Remember your story matters. We will be here for you! With love, Maria.
  2. The exact same thing happened to me. I was 18. I went to his house that day. I went to his bedroom thinking he would reapect me. I just wanted to hang out. I had said NO multiple times before. He didn't care. He had the berve to tell me how he thought I was joking. I blamed myself for the longest time. I stayed 4yrs with him. I tried to pretend that he was right. I was joking that night. I really wanted to be with him. He never hurt me. Three months ago I was able to face the truth. He hurt me. He caused me so much pain and IT WAS NOT MY FAULT!! So with that being said, you've taken a great big step. After I posted my story on a different forum it was easier for me to talk about it. The feeling that these strangers can't judge me, made it so much easier for me to talk about it. One day you might be able to talk to those close to you. I have only spoken two 1 friend about this. Let's fight together and overcome this. You are not alone!! It wasnt your fault!!! With love, Maria.
  3. Hey Dieter thank you for taking the time to reply. It just so easy to pretend nothing happened. To act as if all is right with the world even if at times you feel yourself breaking into pieces. I'm glad you too are able to move on from that person. Just like you I sometimes see him as a good person who was missunderstood. He too had gone through some traumatic stuff. It was hard for me to accept that nothing justifies what he did. Yes he does need counciling for him trauma so he never hurst anyone again. Despite what he did I don't want to hate him. Anyways I hope our fantasy worlds still exist in the future but transformed in a more beautiful way. Thank you! Mary thank you for your words. They mean a lot to me. I just took another big step by talking to one of my best friends. She reacted in a way I didn't expect. She kept questioning me why I didn't leave sooner, why I stayed by his side for so long. Suprisingly it didn't trigger any emotions. I understood why she would react that way. I probably would do the same. I feel like lately I've been taking all these huge steps and I feel so proud of myself. Coming here and being able to share my feelings without being judged sure is helpful! Thank you!!
  4. Thank you all for replying! I forgot to introduce myself properly. My name is Maria. Nice to meet you all! Patricia thank you! It feels great to know someone out there cares. I know that by being part of this family I will find the help I need to move on. Thank you! FieldyThank you! I just hope that my story can encourge someone someday. Thank you for your welcome! Phoenix thank you! I think my first step was writing a detailed letter about that night and burning it. I had already admitted what happened but I didnt know what to do. I was interested in having a relationship with someone but I kept pushing him away. He was so confused so I wrote the letter to him so he could understand why I behaved like that. I was so embarrassed when I gave it to him so I asked him to burn it instead. When he did I felt so relieved I was so happy. That's when I realized I still had a long path to recovery but I had taken a ginormous first step. I have been thinking about talking to them about lowering the interest for a little bit. I will see what I can do. I hope they are of help. If not I will have to slowly but surely pay it off. :/
  5. Hello all! I'm new to the forum. I decided to join because I realized that in order to overcome this I will need all the support I can get. Right now it is hard for me to find that support in those who are close to me. Back story. Six years ago (2010) my life changed when I met my abuser. He was a person I trusted. When he hurt me I didn't know how to react. I stayed with my abuser for 4 years. Two years ago (2014) I managed to leave him. It took me a year to "heal". By 2015 I manage to boost my self-esteem and live a "happy" life until just three months ago (2016). After a argument with my sister I realized all this time I had been living in denial. I hadn't healed completely because I refused to accept he abused me. My sister found out about my debt and threatened to tell my parents. I told her she couldn't say anything if she didnt know what led me there. After what he did to me he used it against me. He would blackmail me into giving him money. I was 5000+ in debt when I left him. Now my debt has almost doubled. It was painful to accept that I had been living in a fantasy doing my best to pretend nothing was wrong. I had only been making things harder for myself, example pretending I didn't owe anything and kept getting new credit cards to cover up why I didn't have enough money. I want to move on. I want to pay off my debt. I want to live a worry free life. I cannot let that event stop me from achieving my dreams. I cannot do this alone. I hope I find good people to talk to in my times of need. I hope my post is ok withing the rules. lol
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