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I joined a survivors group long ago. The things I learned are some of the most valued life lessons that I keep inside me. One of the most important to me is perspective. One discussion we had was about the levels of abuse each endured. We came to the conclusion that it didn't matter. To each of us it is the highest level of pain we have ever felt. It leaves internal scars. No matter what. Some women were so bullied in school that those scars hurt more to them that being raped. When your life is interfered with another life that overwhelmed you in a way that left you harmed, it hurts. You
The original RAIN was started by Tori Amos and a fashion designer. I listen to her music in some of the darkest of my journeys. Not just for her music style but for her poetic lyrics. One song asks "why do we crucify ourselves?" Another asks "when are you going to turn your little blue world upside down?". I ask myself these questions all the time. How to cope with memories of ghosts that follow me even when I thought I had buried them in my mind's graveyard. When I was entered, I was violated. This became part of me. This is the part I can not accept. I can not accept that people do o
My life is complicated too. I think anyone with any degree of abuse denies it ever happened. It's easier that way. We can function in a normal world like what we think are normal people. Then it hits us. Worse, is when there is more to your story than most novels. And you feel like the reader in a book club where everyone but you in the club knows the story and ending. Memories seem false, physical feelings seem painful and yet crazy. Then when it is confirmed, you live in a nightmare hell. Confused. Betrayed. Alone. But you reached out. And your not alone. I can relate more than my mind wan
It doesn't sound insane at all. Especially since you're questioning your sanity. You're not giving excuses. Your learning about yourself and your parts. I hear voices. There is a hearing voices network website and some interesting YouTube videos to watch. You may find, as I did, that you relate to some aspects of the different people. This helped me feel not so alone in my thinking. Questioning your parts and talking to them is helpful. Don't be afraid of them, is my advice. They only live in our worlds. They are real to us. Like God, others have the right to believe in something not tangible.