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About Razzberrybug

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    Modern thinking.

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  1. I joined a survivors group long ago. The things I learned are some of the most valued life lessons that I keep inside me. One of the most important to me is perspective. One discussion we had was about the levels of abuse each endured. We came to the conclusion that it didn't matter. To each of us it is the highest level of pain we have ever felt. It leaves internal scars. No matter what. Some women were so bullied in school that those scars hurt more to them that being raped. When your life is interfered with another life that overwhelmed you in a way that left you harmed, it hurts. Your pain is no greater or less than mine or anyone's. It is yours. It belongs to you. Only you understand the way it rips though you. For good reason, it is personal. Just as your space is personal and yours. It should not be invaded without your consent. We all hurt. I am sorry you feel your pain is smaller. I assure you, it is not. I hope you find your strength in your healing journey.
  2. The original RAIN was started by Tori Amos and a fashion designer. I listen to her music in some of the darkest of my journeys. Not just for her music style but for her poetic lyrics. One song asks "why do we crucify ourselves?" Another asks "when are you going to turn your little blue world upside down?". I ask myself these questions all the time. How to cope with memories of ghosts that follow me even when I thought I had buried them in my mind's graveyard. When I was entered, I was violated. This became part of me. This is the part I can not accept. I can not accept that people do outrageous things to other people. I know this is the real world. I see it everyday on the news. But I don't want it to be my reality. I hate those segments of the past that I don't want to own. I want to give them back to the people that did this damage. I want it to be their history and erase it from my own. But they don't want it back. They have taken what they wanted already. I hope my words may help. I hope they don't damage. Remember that this is just my opinion. And everyone has an opinion, so take my words lightly. I wish you all the best and happiness. Just remember, you own yourself and unfortunately your ghosts. And please also remember that we all have opinions. That doesn't make me right. This is your path.
  3. Razzberrybug

    Got too much to me

    My life is complicated too. I think anyone with any degree of abuse denies it ever happened. It's easier that way. We can function in a normal world like what we think are normal people. Then it hits us. Worse, is when there is more to your story than most novels. And you feel like the reader in a book club where everyone but you in the club knows the story and ending. Memories seem false, physical feelings seem painful and yet crazy. Then when it is confirmed, you live in a nightmare hell. Confused. Betrayed. Alone. But you reached out. And your not alone. I can relate more than my mind wants too. It's painful. I am sorry you are feeling this way. Do something special for yourself, if you can. Sometimes even a soak in a bath or a rape help line chat can help me through the darkest of my days.
  4. Razzberrybug

    Where to start...

    It doesn't sound insane at all. Especially since you're questioning your sanity. You're not giving excuses. Your learning about yourself and your parts. I hear voices. There is a hearing voices network website and some interesting YouTube videos to watch. You may find, as I did, that you relate to some aspects of the different people. This helped me feel not so alone in my thinking. Questioning your parts and talking to them is helpful. Don't be afraid of them, is my advice. They only live in our worlds. They are real to us. Like God, others have the right to believe in something not tangible. We have the right to think differently. Others may not believe but have no right to judge. I hope this is helpful and not harmful to you. Best wishes.
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