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50yearsPlus

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    Female

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  • MembershipType
    Survivor

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  1. Thank you for your responses. I have periods of time where I am so angry, I lash out. I think I may have been doing a little of that last night. I think what makes me feel validated is that I know I can say what I need to and none of you will criticize or blame me. I do need to dwell not on the actual things that happened, but more on how it affected me in future relationships and still does, and how I can let go of the guilt. Easy to say, difficult to do.
  2. Thank you also for your validation. It means a lot. I think finding out that he has finally died (something I wished for), has brought a new level of anger. If you could see his obituary photo, you'd all probably throw up, like I did. I remember also at his son's funeral (he was only 36 years old), he hugged me and I could tell that he had a big old hard-on. I threw up then, as well. Lord, I can't believe I'm sharing this - FINALLY.
  3. Thank you for your replies. I'm angry - again. I believe "she" could provide some answers to me and I do not want to let her off so easy. She has ignored this for 50 years while I have suffered immense guilt - what did I do to provoke such nasty activity? Someone has to be held responsible. I am at the point where the anger I bear gets bigger and bigger. How dare she keep me as the only one who doesn't know why he was so twisted? Does she deserve my hesitation? I'm thinking NOT.
  4. I am new as well. It took me a long time to share, but this feels safe.
  5. Hello, all. I'm new with a somewhat unusual question. First, thanks for the work you are doing and thanks for accepting me. I'll try to be brief. In 1966 I found myself pregnant at 17. My parents sent me off to live with out-of-state friends. I was being primed by Catholic Charities to surrender my child. During my pregnancy, the father of the family would go to bed before me. His bedroom was across the hall from mine. At the end of the hall, there was a mirror. Every night as I walked to my room, I couldn't help but see his reflection in the mirror - naked, and "at-the-ready." He never approa
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