cc-liz

Thank you @CrimsonQ. I had an interesting twist in all of this tonight presented by one of my neighbors, I'll call her SJ because it might get confusing. My r****t is actually dating one of my other neighbors. Tonight, SJ turns to me during our game night "How can she have a boyfriend and you don't?" This cycle of needing a man is crazy and to be told he was an eligible prospect was crazy to me. I will continue to forge ahead with being the independent person I am because that is how I am and going backwards is not an option.

Every time my mother says I need to change something about my behavior or how I do things I ask why. Lately, her comments have been that I walk too heavy. Every time I ask her why it matters. Her first response is always, "No man is gonna want a girl who pounds like that." Why as women are we expected to adjust ourselves for what men want? And why is the ultimate goal to get a man? I enjoy telling her every time that I am happy the way I am and I don't need a man to be happy. But, the main point of this is why is society still teaching women they need a man to be happy? Why are girls still being taught things in a way that's centered around them catching a man? I fear for future generations even more if we are dependent on the other sex for happiness. I see it now with my friend who just got out of an emotionally abusive relationship, she's moved right onto another guy to make herself feel valued. I refuse to base my worth off the opinions of a guy. If I'm not a successful person because I don't have a man in my life, so be it. I won't change who I am just to get a guy. Ladies, we don't need to be in a relationship to be valuable. You are awesome just the way you are!

I'm finally feeling comfortable to move onto relationships, actually making and improvements and actively pursuing a really great guy. Unfortunately, I made the awesome yet terrible decision to introduce this guy, I'll call him A, to my best friend as a potential wedding photographer (I'm her maid of honor). She selected him and hired him just for the wedding and was having me do her engagement photos. I took them in May. She had her engagement party at the end of June and all of July I've been swamped. But plan I was that I wasn't going to edit a bunch of these because she wanted a second set and it would be silly to have a ton. Well, at the concert her and fiance attended, that I attended with A, she brought up these unedited photos again as a means to trying to push me closer to him. This "helpful" gesture has done the exact opposite because now I look unreliable, plus I"m mentally going nuts over the photos. I spent 2 hours on 2.5 photos this morning then my computer died. This afternoon right as I sat back down with my computer my dad needed it help. It took 5 hours to finish one photo! It has me completely breaking down because all I intended to work on today were my photos. I just wanted a clear day without distractions and I was going to knock them all out. I even announced this as my plan yesterday, yet everyone else decided last minute to take on projects that they need my help with. Instead of feeling accomplished and having a pile of photos done I'm just a complete mess crying at my computer. It's such a small thing I have no clue why it's frustrating me so much, but I just feel like shit about it all.