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brooke taylor

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Blog Comments posted by brooke taylor

  1. I can definitely relate to being disconnected and wanting get some control. When my partner wants to get intimate I feel like I just have to do it. It's part of the relationship deal so it's expected from me to keep the relationship going. I just want someone to love me and care for me and I feel I have to give them sex in order to get that. Sometimes it feels like someone want to use me and my body just to get pleasure. I get that my partner has needs and sex is one of them and I also want to fulfill that so I think if I just get over with it maybe it won't be this bad. After the sex I feel so used and hate myself for it. I also start feeling this anger and disappointment against my partner, because why would she do something like that to me just to get some pleasure out of it. It's such a horrible feeling. I understand that sex is all about expressing love and giving rather than taking but I just cannot feel that when being intimate. 

    I am currently single so I don't have to worry about this. However the thought of being intimate really scares me away from looking for someone new. I just don't know how to handle this.

  2. I struggle with this myself. There were couple of times where I thought if I just get over it I will get used to it maybe. After however I hated myself and felt angry at my partner for doing that to me. For me forcing myself made it much worse. Now I work on using a different way. I don't want to force myself anymore through something I don't enjoy so I decided to do things more slowly and build up trust. Maybe not going all the way but doing things I am comfortable with and stopping when it get too much. For this I need a partner I can trust which I don't have at the moment so this is something I might try in the future.

    I found a really good book about this subject called 'the sexual healing journey' from wendy maltz. I didn't finish it yet but I really benefited from it thus far. In the book she also shows some easy exercises to do with your partner. She also has some videos about how to approach sex with your partner in a healthy way. You can find them on youtube.

    Don't know if any of that is helpful for you. I just felt sharing my experiences with you. You are not alone. :hug: 

  3. I think about it whenever I am not distracted by something. I would definitely say its intrusive and I cant stop thinking about it. It always starts with a random thought and pulls me down more and more like a downward spiral. I dont want to think about it but I cant help myself. Sorry you are going through the same.

    Here goes

    Sorry that happen to you. Had something similar happen to myself. I am glad you were able to share this with someone its the first step. Hope you are doing alright. Reach out in the forums whenever you need some support.

  4. It took me a long time to until I felt anything. I felt really emotionless about the abuse and though "whatever wasnt that big of a deal". After the I started healing emotions like shame and guilt came to the surface. I can relate what you say about remembering the good times. I think of my ex daily but only think of the good things and how wonderful a person she was. I dont want to think about her like that but it just comes to mind. I block all the nasty stuff out. It can get really confusing but deep down I know she is a very nasty person. 

  5. There is no reason for you to be ashamed. I feel pretty much the same way. All the sexual interaction I had were also really horrible. The only sexual act I feel safe with is masturbation so I do it a lot and sometimes it feels like its almost compulsive. I also struggle to reconcile my masturbation with my faith. I hope one day I will be able to enjoy my sexuality and I hope you do too. Dont give up and dont beat yourself up too much. You are not alone.

  6. I dont really know what to say besides I feel for you and am sorry you had to went through this. The realisation that my mother probably blamed and resented me for the abuse I had to go through was also so hard for me maybe even harder than the abuse itself. What I really learned is that its important not to focus on other people and ask myself why did she act this way. Its important to focus on myself and my needs.

    Sincerely hope you will feel better soon

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