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brooke taylor

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Everything posted by brooke taylor

  1. Hi, More than once I noticed that topics in the subforum "share your story" can not be followed. This is a bit inconvenient when I post there something and dont get notified when there are any replies. Any way I can follow my own topics there? With love Brooke
  2. I can definitely relate to being disconnected and wanting get some control. When my partner wants to get intimate I feel like I just have to do it. It's part of the relationship deal so it's expected from me to keep the relationship going. I just want someone to love me and care for me and I feel I have to give them sex in order to get that. Sometimes it feels like someone want to use me and my body just to get pleasure. I get that my partner has needs and sex is one of them and I also want to fulfill that so I think if I just get over with it maybe it won't be this bad. After the sex I feel s
  3. I struggle with this myself. There were couple of times where I thought if I just get over it I will get used to it maybe. After however I hated myself and felt angry at my partner for doing that to me. For me forcing myself made it much worse. Now I work on using a different way. I don't want to force myself anymore through something I don't enjoy so I decided to do things more slowly and build up trust. Maybe not going all the way but doing things I am comfortable with and stopping when it get too much. For this I need a partner I can trust which I don't have at the moment so this is somethi
  4. I often talk about the negative things that came from my relationship, which are plenty, but today I want to share some positive things I have learned from it. Not that it was a good thing to live through, but some positive stuff came from making this horrible experience. To provide a context I was in a long distance relationship with her for over 6 years, the first year was great while the rest became progressively worse. She never was physically abusive however she was pretty cruel when it comes to the emotional side. As always I welcome comments and love to hear from people who can relate t
  5. Glad to hear it's useful for you
  6. Yesterday I read this section in a healing book and I really loved it. Maybe someone else here can benefit from it so I took the time to type it of. How to change: Become aware of the behavior you want to change. Is there something you're doing that isn't good for you? Are you staying in a bad relationship? Are you drinking too much? Are you blowing up at people you love? Are you helping everyone but yourself? Look at the reasons you developed that behavior in the first place. When did you first feel that way? Why? Have compassion for what you've done in the past
  7. I had a really strange dream just now. I was at home I could hardly breath or speak. I saw in the mirror there was another face on mine. It looked beautiful and normal but I could hardly move mouth which caused my inability to speak and breathing problems. I wanted to to peel the face off but I was scared I will destroy it and make it look ugly. I didnt know what to do and started to panic. Then someone came through the door. I dont know him but I knew he is said to be a very learned and wise man. He saw I was in so much main and just ripped my fake face off. It wasnt that painful I was m
  8. Welcome to the forum. Sorry you are going through. I can relate lot of feelings you are describing. What helped me a great deal is slowly sharing some of the things that happen to me and getting lots of support here. Coming here I seeking out is the first step of many. You are not alone.
  9. My csa screwed up myself as a person. It went so young into me that its hard to remember how I was before it. Sometimes I struggle to which part of my personality and behaviour is part of myself and which is due to the abuse.
  10. I think about it whenever I am not distracted by something. I would definitely say its intrusive and I cant stop thinking about it. It always starts with a random thought and pulls me down more and more like a downward spiral. I dont want to think about it but I cant help myself. Sorry you are going through the same.
  11. Welcome to the forums. Glad to hear you found your way here. We all tell ourselves for some time we are lucky and it could have been worse. Its a common way to cope with all after the abuse. I hope you feel comfortable here and found a place to share.
  12. Welcome to the forums. I can relate to the feeling of being judged. It was very hard for me to open up to people here because I was afraid what they might think of me. People here are not judgemental and that really helps. I was kind of surprised everytime I shared something deep other people responded who felt the same. Take your time in opening and be assured nobody here will judge you.
  13. Welcome to the forums. This community helped me a great along my healing. Hope it will do the same for you.
  14. Welcome to the forum. Its a big step to come out here and share with other. You will find lot of supportive people here. Hope you are doing alright
  15. I am not sure if cope so well or not I guess I just try to go forward one day at a time. Sleeping can really be tough sometimes. What helped me to sleep is having a little bed light for some time. I also try to focus my mind on something until I am so exhausted I just go fall asleep. I like to watch something cheery before going to sleep. I noticed whatever I fill my mind with really affects my sleep. What also helps is making my environment safe. I always close all my windows and doors. I dont know why but it makes me feel much more safe. Other then that patience is crucial. Its common go thr
  16. Welcome to AS. I am sure you find here the support you are looking for. Glad you came here.
  17. Welcome to AS. I can relate to that. Seeing how much of my daily life was affected by something that happened so long ago also brought me here. I found the support and experience of other members here very helpful. Hope you find here what you are looking for.
  18. brooke taylor

    Here goes

    Sorry that happen to you. Had something similar happen to myself. I am glad you were able to share this with someone its the first step. Hope you are doing alright. Reach out in the forums whenever you need some support.
  19. Welcome to the forum. Glad to hear you finally reaching out to someone. People here are very nice and supportive. You are not alone.
  20. welcome to the forum. I am sure you will find this as a place of great support. Dont worry about giving too much information I do it all the time. I can relate to your problems with your mom. My mother was also very emotional abusive with me and I was always the scapegoat. I am glad you finally found someone who treats you good. Good luck with finding a new therapist.
  21. Welcome to the forum. Im glad you learning how to deal with this. People here are very supportive. Hope to hear from you soon
  22. Welcome to the forum. I am glad you reached out here and looking for support. I am so sorry for what happened to you. Its very common to feel your body it not yours anymore. I feel the same. Healing from something like that takes a long time. Give yourself some time and take care of yourself. You are not alone and reach out here whenever you need some support.
  23. Welcome to the forum. Hope you find here the support you need and deserve.
  24. brooke taylor

    One Of My Questions

    It took me a long time to until I felt anything. I felt really emotionless about the abuse and though "whatever wasnt that big of a deal". After the I started healing emotions like shame and guilt came to the surface. I can relate what you say about remembering the good times. I think of my ex daily but only think of the good things and how wonderful a person she was. I dont want to think about her like that but it just comes to mind. I block all the nasty stuff out. It can get really confusing but deep down I know she is a very nasty person.
  25. Welcome to the forum. I am glad you found this site and I am sure you find lot of supportive people here.
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