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Kathyps33

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Everything posted by Kathyps33

  1. Welcome @Hooves, you will find this a safe place.
  2. Welcome @Victoria Palmer and @soulpaws so sorry that you even need to be here. This place has been very helpful to me. There is also another great site 7cups.com, you can chat one on one and in different kinds of groups and you can sign up for a sponsor. You can message if you want to talk sometime. -k
  3. Wow, so well written. It is so encouraging how you expressed yourself. I did the same thing from 15 yrs old until 45 yrs old. I am now only 46 yrs old, so I don't yet feel like I have achieved much. But thank you for sharing, for being so open and honest here. -k
  4. HAPPY NEW YEAR 2017 ALL! I am so thankful for AS and the encouragement and support I have received here in 2016, praying 2017 will be a blessing for all of us :). -k

    1. snmls

      snmls

      Thank you. Happy new Year to you as well!

    2. Kathyps33
  5. I just looked at your profile says you are in military. I want to just say Thank you for serving. I have a brother in US Army. I so appreciate all people who serve their military, it takes alot to give your life for others. THANK YOU!

    1. Stephenjames

      Stephenjames

      Hi Kathy, how are you? Hope I didn't mis-lead anyone. I was only a cadet, I spent my whole life dreaming of joining the RAF but abuse & rape got in the way. That is why I am on this site. Congrats to your brother, he sounds like a great guy! I really wanted to join the military but failed :(

      Sorry if I mis-lead you. Hope you are well.

      Take care.

    2. Kathyps33

      Kathyps33

      Rapha, no problem. It's what's in your heart that counts. I am so sorry that abuse and rape derailed your dreams. Even if you never actually join the military you would and wanted to serve and that takes a courageous, strong person. Actually, you aren't misleading. I read beside the Interests Royal Air Force as if you were a member, my mistake not yours. And as for, 'you failed' You didn't circumstances outside your control took that away don't blame yourself put it where it belongs. I am well, thx for asking. Take care yourself :)

  6. Hi Jidfr, welcome to AS, you can say anything. This is a safe place. Feel free to post your thoughts, and feelings anytime that is what we are here for. And YES!!! this is an understanding place, a place to find comfort and encouragement in your healing process. You can be as detailed as you want to be. The process of healing often times is harder at first but 'KNOW' that it does get better. AND please don't give up when you have setbacks, they will come. I heard a quote on one of my favorite shows that I love to remind myself of it helps me get through: "Scars show us where we came from, but
  7. Kathyps33

    Life happens

    Thanks Justlooking. I am back home now. Emotional weekend.
  8. Kathyps33

    Random ramblings

    Hawkgirl, yes I have done the same. It's is good to be able to laugh at yourself. I have to do it often. I will be careful, my job is driving, (I'm a mobile x-ray tech). Thank you, so much.
  9. Kathyps33

    Life happens

    limbodante thank you. I will be driving down to Florida Friday morning for the memorial service Saturday.
  10. Kathyps33

    Random ramblings

    Hawkgirl, thank you. Fl is my abbreviation for Florida. I will drive down Friday morning early it's about 9 hours from Columbia SC. I am staying with friends. My family is sort of mixed up and I can't get too involved with them. We will have a memorial on Saturday at the beach. Thanks for hugs.
  11. Kathyps33

    Random ramblings

    Thank you Hawkgirl, You have no idea how much this helps. I work weekends and it's been kinda busy, then I found out last night that my cousin took her own life. She was only 38 yrs old. I don't know what to think right now. I may be going to Fl?
  12. Kathyps33

    Life happens

    I found out last night my cousin took her own life. She was just 38 yrs old. This is the 3rd cousin in my family that has committed suicide. I don't know what to think right now.
  13. Kathyps33

    Ashamed

    Hawkgirl, thank you so much for sharing. I am so encouraged by your words. Thank you for the book. I will look it up. I am appalled that a minister would say something like that to you. I hate that for you. I am so sorry. It never ceases to amaze me what 'religious' people come up with, I have found in reading the bible myself that Jesus, every time said the opposite to the religious people of what they were teaching. So I try to remind myself of this when some church person says something to me. If it doesn't line up with what the bible says then I don't accept it. I am still in the
  14. Kathyps33

    Ashamed

    Dieter, wow your openness and honesty are refreshing. I appreciate hearing from someone else that you have the same thoughts and experiences. It helps me to not feel so abnormal. I am sorry that you, have had to go through these horrible things in life also.
  15. Kathyps33

    Ashamed

    Dieter,and Hawkgirl, thank you both for responding. It helps so much to know I am not alone in these thoughts and feelings.
  16. Kathyps33

    Ashamed

    I feel so ashamed. I don't remember feeling aroused during the abuse by my adoptive father but around 12 yrs old when he went from touching to sexual intercourse I started masturbating. Of course I grew up in church and learned that masturbation is a sin. From 12 yrs old until about 33 yrs old I just did clitoral stimulation. I then ordered some books about sex on line and started reading about different ways to masturbate. There was so much to learn. I wanted to know more about my body, I wanted to be normal to have sex like others and enjoy it. I haven't yet. I'm 45 yrs old now and have neve
  17. Kathyps33

    Random ramblings

    Lately, I feel like all my thoughts are random ramblings. I listen to all these things I think and wonder if any of it will ever sort out. I have these moments that feel so overwhelming, I don't know why. I can't stop them. I feel like crying, screaming, and at times just dying. It all doesn't make sense. I can be at work, the store, home watching TV, doing dishes, laundry. I don't know what it is or what causes it to be able to just stop it. At home and work I get busy and focus on something like organizing or my job and it helps to get the feelings to pass. They seem to have become worse the
  18. Kathyps33

    Random ramblings

    Hawkgirl, thanks. I needed this to know I am not alone.
  19. Kathyps33

    body triggers

    Wow! that's it exactly. Thanks
  20. Hey Chlo, hope you are well today. I just wanted to check on you? 

    1. Show previous comments  3 more
    2. Kathyps33

      Kathyps33

      Chlo, I know you didn't mean for me not to talk. You were not rude to me. It seems we were both feeling the same thing that we interrupted each other. I am so thankful that the others encouraged you to stay and talk, so glad to hear that. :) It's all a part of the process, it is hard for me at times to ask for what I want or need and this was a good lesson for me that it would have been ok to stay. pele messaged me and let me know that the chat group could have talked to both of us. I am just used to putting myself  last as I am sure you do also. I think it's part of what the abuse does to us, makes us feel 'less than', 'unworthy'. I had choices and choose to leave, I am NOT blaming you, It was my choice and hopefully we will both grow to a place where we can feel ok to open up and accept and share of ourselves. Thanks for messaging me and sharing your thoughts and feelings and allowing me to share mine. :hug:

       

    3. chlo

      chlo

      Thank you for understanding, that means a lot 

    4. Kathyps33
  21. Kathyps33

    body triggers

    What are body triggers? My counselor says I feel afraid of some people, random people because of something called a body trigger.
  22. Kathyps33

    Random ramblings

    I think, I think too much. Sometimes I wish I could just turn my brain off; the part that has the memories, the images of the abuse. The part that sends the messages to my heart that I'm worthless, damaged, ugly, stupid, unloved, unwanted, alone, and stupid. Of course I want my brain to keep it's basic functions in tact to keep me breathing, to keep me healthy, ect. Will I ever be able to have good feelings? Will I ever be able to trust, to love without fear, without labels that something is wrong with me? I cannot remember a time in my life I felt safe, free to just be me, have my thoughts an
  23. Kathyps33

    My talent

    Some things I like to draw, not that I'm an artist but it helps.
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