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About HiddenAndHurting

  • Birthday 05/04/1988

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  1. I've gotten this one a TON of times. I am a Christian, and I do pray about things, but God isn't a genie in a bottle. He's not going to magically make my past disappear.
  2. "I'm kind of glad you don't tell me the details. I wouldn't be able to sleep at night." Right. How do you think it is for me? *sigh* "We don't always get what we want from people (referring to my parents) but we should appreciate what we do get." Soo...I didn't get love, care, or concern, but I should appreciate all the abuse I got? Uhhh..NO! "Do you think they realised what they were doing?" Umm...how can you NOT realise you're r*ping a child? They weren't even drunk or drugged!
  3. I told my husband what I needed from him to feel comforted (hugs, cuddling on the couch, and a nice cup of filter coffee), and I DIDN'T say yes to sex. (He actually encourages me to say no if I don't feel like it, and asks several times, but years of conditioning from abusers usually make me say yes anyway.)
  4. Hi Zach, welcome to AS, and I think that was a very eloquent introduction!
  5. This has been happening to me for months now. As annoying as it is, I've gotten used to it...nothing I've tried has fixed it.
  6. Hi, I'm afraid I have a really silly little issue to bring up. I've noticed that I sometimes become insecure when I see the vast number of views on my posts, and then the few replies. I completely understand that lots of people are unable to respond, or don't have anything to say, or are just checking the other replies, etc, but it still sometimes lets a niggle of doubt creep in that maybe I'm not being believed or that people find me annoying to respond to or something silly like that. I do understand the reality of the situation and I know it's something I should just get over, but I've heard several other people mention similar fears regarding the view count to reply count ratio. I was wondering if the view count numbering is necessary, and if it's possible to maybe hide or get rid of? It's just something little and silly, so I completely understand if we can't. Feel free to tell me I'm completely off base on this one. Just wondering if anyone feels the same way, or if something can be done about it possibly. Again, if not, I completely understand and I must just get over it, lol.
  7. This is really funny that you posted this now- I was just asking myself the other day "What is healing?" because sometimes I really just don't know! This helped me a lot though, so thank you!
  8. I think I just lost a friend tonight....He kept saying that my parents were right and that I couldn't trust my memories because I "didn't always remember". He said I should go to them and sort things out. I'm really bummed that he reacted that way...he used to be a good friend and was supportive with my depression..but this he will NOT believe is even possible. I'm sad that he's not talking to me, and I hope maybe he'll come around, but I stood up for myself and I'm glad! Him: With all due respect. If you dwell on something long enough then it will be whatever you say. (about my memories) Me: *I AM Michael Jordan! I AM Michael Jordan!* (I'll keep thinking this for the next 10 years and if I ever remember playing with the Bulls I'll let you know) YAY!!! I stood up for myself!!
  9. Welcome to AS Sky, we'd love to get to know you too. I'm sorry you have need of this place, but I'm glad you found it.
  10. "That's not possible, it couldn't have happened- you're just making it up." (From my youth pastor when I hinted that I might have been abused- here's what I felt like saying:) EXCUSE ME?!?! Who lived my life? You? Or Me? Me! That's what I thought- so don't tell me what did or didn't happen in MY life!:punch: "You don't have depression- you're just bored. Get a job." (This from my supposed "counselor" in my only experience with therapy- I didn't say anything, but here's what I was thinking:) Riiiiiiight, like everyone who's bored attempts suicide 3 times. "Hey, I'm bored, I think I'll kill myself." Real bright- thanks for your diagnosis idiot! Then there are lots of comments from my parents and family (my abusers), but I don't have enough time to list all of those.
  11. Thank you all so much for your welcome, and thank you Ivana for your encouragement- I'm definitely looking forward to leaving this behind. I know I'll still struggle, but it will be wonderful not to have my parents hanging over my head.
  12. Hey Everyone, I just joined up yesterday. I'm part of a survivor's mailing list, but I'd really like to talk with more survivors. I'm 18, and in 26 days I will finally be moving away from my abusers for good. I'm moving to South Africa with my fiance (he's from there). He's been my main supporter, and the main reason that I can call myself a "survivor". I am a survivor of incest by both my father and mother, including csa and rape earliest memories aged 2 up through age 11. I've also been emotionally, verbally, psychologically, and spiritually abused by them my whole life. Resulting from this, I'm also a survivor of years of minor self-harm (I wasn't aware of how to categorize my actions at the time), two years of major self-harm, a lifetime of depression, probable ptsd (no formal diagnosis), panic attacks, and 3 suicide attempts. I only started really remembering the incest in detail last year, but the memories I have are clear, and I have dealt with the affects of it my whole life. I always suspected that something "wasn't right" but I blamed myself for it until I started remembering. Looking forward to meeting you all and sharing with you/learning from you.
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